Thursday, October 20, 2011

OWSies told to stop the partying and get serious!



This past Friday we brought you the impassioned plea of an OWSie we called "Shaggy," in this DUFU, DUmmie FUnnies 10-14-11 (Flea-Bagger Wall Street Protester: "Help us now!" Will DUmmies respond?). We linked you to his "Help us now!" video, which at the time had a little over 100 views. Now, six days later, the same video has nearly 13,000 views! Shaggy the OWSie has gone viral! (Of course, when talking about the OWSies, we must specify that we mean "viral" in the figurative sense.)



Well, soon after posting our DUFU, we found out the identity of the one we called "Shaggy." He is, in fact, a young man by the name of . . . get this . . . Edward Twitchell Hall III. Now if you think that sounds like a name of privilege, you would be right. Indeed, Edward Twitchell Hall III is our nominee for Upper-Class Twit of the Year!



"Ted," you see, is a trust-fund baby from a wealthy family, a 25-year-old "poet" who has bounced around from expensive college to expensive college. And now Trust Fund Ted is taking an extended fall break in New York, camping out and feeling important and getting his mug on TV and picking up swooning hippie chicks. Millionaire Ted has become the "face" and the "voice"--the "sustainable star," if you will--of the OWSies. He's got to be having a blast!



But has Zuccotti Park become just another Woodstock, a place for petting, partying, and pot? (But still no Pitt, btw.) Can the OWSies get serious? Have they lost sight of their goals?

The OWSies get some much needed advice along these lines, as today we travel not to DUmmieland but to the OccupyWallStreet Forum itself. We'll drop in on this THREAD, "Please Please Get Your Sh*t Together ... Stop the Party.. Make the movement look serious."

So let us now go to occupywallst.org, aka occupywallet.commie, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--giving Trust Fund Ted credit for at least getting OUT THERE, which is more than I can say for OccuPied Piper Pitt (but then, Wee Willie is about to turn 40)--is in the [brackets]:

Please Please Get Your Sh*t Together ... Stop the Party.. Make the movement look serious

[OWSie HorasHughes is SERIES!]

I completely agree with the protest. But really what is your cause ??

[Well, we're working on that. I would say, for starters, it gets us out of sitting in boring old classes. And there are TONS of hot chicks camping out here! Some good weed going around, too. It's all good.]

What is your message ?

[We're working on that. too. The main thing is, we don't like it that some people have more money than us. And we don't want to have to pay for stuff. And I SURE don't want to get stuck with a bunch of f***ing student loans! Yeah, let's make that one of our demands! Make some rich f***s pay for our tuition!]

Who is taking charge ?

[Trust Fund Ted. Just ask him.]

It is sad because all I see on TV and on the live feeds looks like a dirty hippie lot scene from Phish or the Dead !!!!

[Deadhead Ted is the phace of the OWSies.]

No drum circles no jam sessions GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER !!!!

[Drum octagons would look more impressive.]

I wanna come down there not to protest but to smack the sh*t out of you people and tell you to act like adults!!!!

[Like me!!!!]

This "movement" is not going to be taken seriously and will slowly loose steam if things don't change.

[You'll look like a bunch of LOOSERS!]

There is ZERO media coverage ..not because "the corporations own the media dude" it because the media can't penetrate the fog of pot smoke and patchouli oil.

[They can't make a grass route movement.]

Trust me my friends. . . .

["Trust me my funds" --Millionare Ted]

and I realized this last night while we were hitting the bong !!!

[The Big Bong Theory.]

I am not a hater in any way but really right now you guys look like a f***ing joke !!!!

[We at DUmmie FUnnies are deeply grateful! Hee! Hee!]

You need to present a mature professional image to the media! And maybe just maybe you need a little violence... A little blood in the water might do some good!! May God Be with you all !!!!

[May God Be with you all in your mature, professional Daze of Rage !!!!]

[Other OWSies now respond . . .]

Time to unify in a common direction. Find leaders to go to Washington and write legislation.

[TRUST FUND TED 2012: Send Hall to the Hill! To the Halls of Congress--and beyond!]

Make it real, and they will feel

[Make it Hall, and they will fall!]

and with all due respect, if you absolutely must fly banners that look like the national flags of candyland and wherever it is that teletubbies live, at least throw in one regular American flag.

[No way! In fact, let's RUN UP that flag of Candyland, PROUDLY, and declare Zuccotti Park our new homeland, a place of peace and candy and lots of free stuff! OccupyCandyland! OccupyCandyland!]

Start the war against Injustice by starting our own banks to double the income of the Bottom 90% of Workers, for many more people will come to your side when you are proactive (for “new” Business & Government solutions), instead of reactive (against “old” Business & Government solutions), which is why what we most immediately need is a comprehensive “new” strategy that implements all our various socioeconomic demands at the same time, regardless of party, and although I'm all in favor of taking down today's ineffective and inefficient Top 1% Management System of Business & Government, there's only one way to do it – by fighting bankers as bankers ourselves, and thus doubling our income from Bank Profits which are 40% of all Corporate Profits; that is, using a Focused Direct Democracy organized according to our current Occupations & Generations. Consequently, I have posted a 1-page Summary of the Strategically Weighted Policies, Organizational Operating Structures, and Tactical Investment Procedures necessary to do this at. . . .

[zzzzzzzzzz........]

i am a marijuana grower in california but i dont want to see so many party people and hear so many idiot voices ...we are all getting educated here SOME MORE THAN OTHERS get serious this is about saving lives and saving the planet.....

[This is about saving leaves and saving the plant.]

But we are a bunch of maggot infested, shampoo resistant spoiled children? Why can't I just play my drums and ask for free money? I don't wanna grow up!!!

[#OccupyHallsTweet]


7 Comments:

Anonymous krazy kat said...

Got to hand it to "Ted" he's making the most of his fifteen minutes of fame, he's the Merry Prankster of Zuccotti Park, already profiled in the NY Times.

I'm waiting for him to appear on Leno, Letterman or The View. If he's wise he'll avoid Olbermann.

1:44 PM  
Anonymous ENVISIO said...

HIPPIES SMELL

4:28 PM  
Blogger 98ZJUSMC said...

I completely agree with the protest. But really what is your cause ??

Uh-huh.....

4:49 PM  
Blogger 98ZJUSMC said...

But we are a bunch of maggot infested, shampoo resistant spoiled children? Why can't I just play my drums and ask for free money? I don't wanna grow up!!!

Swear to God, I've never been to that forum.

4:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes you have.
Now go back and do more.

Skul

1:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mommy and Daddy need to cut their babies off of their trust funds and tell them to sink or swim. If, after 20 years of work or carreer or both, their baby has managed to make a success of himself (or herself), then they may have access to their trustfund again. If they are still dumbass twits, then their trustfund would be used for a home for wayward cats or something like that.
As it is, Mommy and Daddy have made sure their babies will never amount to anything but a source of amusement at best, or stupid, destructive parasites at worst.

10:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

knew a guy like trust fund ted in college. had the long hair, he used to wear torn faded jeans. and he even used to write liberal slogans and draw peace signs on his jeans. he was a member of every trendy lib group on campus. apparently one of his housemates heard him screaming on the phone to his family's stockbroker. the anger spilled over after the phone call when he destroyed a chair in his room. I guess the trust fund disbursement check was late. I think he's actually a stockbroker now. So there is hope for trust fund ted - maybe he'll grow up too and ditch the david lee roth jeans for a suit. Or he could take the will pitt route and do the phony blue collar thing.

11:46 AM  

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