Tuesday, September 18, 2007

"Gore." The DUmmies cry out, "Save us, Algore!"

The line between DUmmieland and Fantasyland often becomes blurred. The inability of the DUmmies to deal with painful reality causes them to lapse into frequent fits of delusion. One of their favorite recurring fantasies is that Algore, the Great Savior, will at last emerge from exile to lead the DUmmies to the Promised Land. You see, the DUmmies cannot wrap their minds around the Inconvenient Truth that Hillary WILL be their nominee in 2008. So they fantasize that their Hero will ride to the rescue on his fuel-efficient white steed. Thus this latest DUmmie fantasy THREAD, subtly titled, "Gore." Of course, since some of the DUmmies realize that Algore will NOT enter the race, they have to comfort themselves with the other recurring Gore fantasy, i.e., that their Hero is doing more good for the globe by winning some meaningless prizes than by holding the most powerful office in the world. So let us take off our shoes and enter the Church of Algore, where the service is about to start. The versicles are in Bolshevik Red, and the responses of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, are in the [brackets]:


[The service begins with the Invocation.]

A life changing documentary = An Oscar. A Revolutionary Television Network = An Emmy. The largest Global Aid Concert in History = The Nobel Prize. A roadmap to change the course of American political dialogue = AL GORE IN 2008!!!

[Unintentionally FUnnie DUmmie threads like this = A WEBLOG AWARD FOR BEST HUMOR BLOG FOR PJ-COMIX!!!]


[The congregation may now be seated.]

he's managed to write one of the greatest books of our time . . . The Assault on Reason.

[Next: The Assault on a Pasta Bar.]

This momentum...Must be moving in some direction or another.

[The momentum is moving in the direction of Algore's bank account, as he continues to sell books and DVDs and cable subscriptions and concert tickets and carbon footprint indulgences to fawning suckers like you.]

Of course, you would think that because you think he is a calculating selfish politician...Right? And not a statesman, global environmental advocate, and businessman doing all of these things TO WAKE US UP to what the political system is really all about. . . . How anyone could not see that the lasting effects of his work now will far surpass anything some BS "presidency" in the soundbite world will be able to accomplish now in the muck it is mired in is beyond me.

[Algore Fantasy #2 appears: Our Hero does more good by NOT being President.]

Al is a global hero. The one American leader that the rest of the world does not hate at the moment.

[Of course what really counts is what a bunch of goth green Euroweenies think.]

The repukes are out in force saying that Gore didn't really win an Oscar....the producers did. I guess they can't figure out that without Gore there would have been no "An Inconvenient Truth"! . . . It's not as if the producers could have made "An Inconvenient Truth ... starring Bruce Willis. . . .

[AKA "Die Warm."]

I'm so tired of these endless adoring Gore threads. He's a good man. I'd like if he HAD decided to run, but he's not the Messiah.


I'd rather have laudatory threads about Gore than gossip threads about Brittany Spears. . . .

[Say, did Algore run into Britney at those MTV Awards the other night? I'm sure he must have been up for a prize, like he is on every other award show. Coming soon: "Al! The Musical" wins a Tony!]



President Gore. . . . Man, that would so tick off Hillary!

[Wake up to an Inconvenient Truth: The Inevitable Hillary.]

Master of the universe.

[I BELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

a nobel prize for holding a mostly meaningless concert?

[BURN THE HERETIC!!! Well, on second thought, choose a less carbon-emitting method of disposal.]

Gore's daughter already said categorically that an '08 run is not happening.

[She's a witch! BURN her!!!]

It's like being a kid again, isn't it? Waiting for Santa and Christmas morning. . . .

[Hillary is the Grinch who stole Christmas.]

There is still time for Al Gore to change his mind, enter the race and win the nomination for 2008. He could announce on November 4th (exactly one year out from the election) and go on to win in New Hampshire and nationwide. So I will not give up all hope of Al Gore running again.

[November 4, 2007, The Day When Everything Finally Changed. I BELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

sure wish he'd announce....maybe tonight????

[Now go out in your pumpkin patch and be REALLY SINCERE!!!!!!]


Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

"Die Warm"... LOL, Classic.


3:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry Kidz. It's just not going to happen...

The flop of the concert-thing, the debunking of globAL warming, the...

...the general weirdness of the man...

As I look back on the last couple of elections, at John Kerry and Al Gore, I say a brief prayer of thanks.

We really dodged the ol' bullet when we skipped those two.

Let's go 3 for 3 on Hillary.

5:46 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

Save us, ManBearPig!! Save us!!

11:37 PM  
Anonymous ray said...

"Waiting for Santa and Christmas morning"

That's when you'll find a lump of carbon emissions in your stocking.

9:58 AM  
Anonymous Rodolfo said...

This momentum...Must be moving in some direction or another

Sounds like the DUmmie is having a bowel movement.

2:16 PM  

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