Friday, August 24, 2007

"Chavez puts Venezuela's clock ahead 1/2 hour"

(Something big will be happening on the Web in September. Will the Great Pumpkin be arriving? Stand by!)

It was like a scene out of that Woody Allen comedy, Bananas, when the rebel leader, Esposito, upon assuming power in San Marcos declared: "All citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check." In an act very much like Esposito, the head thug of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez has declared that all clocks will be set ahead by a half hour (would that change the underwear time checks?). I used to visit Indianapolis every May for years to go to the Indy 500 before Tony George ruined it. The most ANNOYING thing about Indiana is their stubborn refusal, in contrast to most of the rest of the nation, to recognize Daylight Savings Time. It gets incredibly confusing when trying to figure out what time to watch TV shows because even though Indiana is in the Eastern Time Zone, it is an hour out of whack for most of the year. Even more confusing is that several Indiana counties are on Daylight Savings Time (or are they on Central Time?) However, as confusing as the Indiana time situation is, it doesn't even begin to compare to what will happen in Venezuela when the clocks are shifted forward a half hour. An hour shift forward might make some sense although the time of daylight in the tropics does not vary much during the year but a half hour? Imagine telling someone in Venezuela you will be flying down to Caracas and will arrive at 3 PM. The person will always show up late (or is it early?) because 3 P.M. will mean 3:30 PM down there thanks to Chavez making his country look like a laughingstock in relation to time shifting. Why not just set the clocks forward 44 minutes? It makes about much sense as a half hour. Hey, I have an idea, Hugo! Make a declaration that from now on the color blue will be green. Such is his absurdity but, guess what, there are actually DUmmies buying into the Chavez bizarre time shift as you can see in this THREAD titled, "Chavez puts Venezuela's clock ahead 1/2 hour." This isn't the first aburd declaration by Chavez. In 1999 he changed the official name of Venezuela to the "Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela." He also changed the direction a horse looked on the official seal of Venezuela or something like that. What next? Declare Swedish as the official language of that country? In any event let us watch the DUmmies as they ponder the latest Chavez absurdity in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, declaring that the law of gravity no longer applies in Slovakia except on Wednesdays, is in the [brackets]:

Chavez puts Venezuela's clock ahead 1/2 hour

[But only on even-numbered days.]

CARACAS, Venezuela (AFP): President Hugo Chavez Sunday announced that Venezuela's official time will be put ahead by half an hour starting January 1

Makes no sense to me

[Sure it makes sense. That means your underwear change will be delayed by a half hour.]

Hmmmm That is interesting.... I wonder why he is doing this?

[It is a prelude to him declaring that mangos will be called bananas in Venezuela.]

Not buying it.... What is the real reason? There has to be an absolute reason!

[It's to prove that he has freed Venezuela from the shackles of being tied to the same time system as that EVIL George Bush.]

...also, all children under the age of 16 jeers old ... are now 16 jeers old. And from now on, everybody has to change underwear every hour ... and underwear will be worn on the outside, so we can check. -- Woody Allen, before he got serious

[Woody Allen movies were HILARIOUS before he decided that he really wanted to be Ingmar Bergman.]

The man is a genius, notice how much he is doing for the people of ...Venezuala after kicking the goddamn Yankee Corporate Imperialists and CIA operatives out! Chevez will go on and build alliances with other Latin American and South American countries as well as in the Caribbean Island nations as well. It won't be long that we'll see an economic giant rising up in that region and the next U.S. president will either have to accept and deal with this as equal partners in this hemisphere or be shut out.

[Genius, pure genius. And now it is time for your underwear check. Oh wait! Good news! Since Chavez has set the clocks forward a half hour, no underwear check for you for another 30 minutes. GENIUS!!!]

Pass the bong dude

[Sorry, dude, you'll have to wait another half hour according to the new time system.]

Nah, he's just a shmuck and this proves it.

[When the clock strikes thirteen and a half, you will be receiving a Kewpie Doll.]

Well would you like to explain your post? Probably not, cause you are one of the.. Non believers of President Chavez.

[An heretical atheist who does not believe in the One True Hugo.]

Believers of President Chavez? Will he take away all my sins? So I can't call a man a shmuck without it being blasphemy? And moving the clocks a half an hour is going to do what exactly?

[It means we can send the DUmmies to the FUnnie Farm a half hour earlier than originally scheduled.]

Same thing it does here... the daylight savings thing.

[We move the clocks forward by a HALF hour every year?]

I set my watch ahead all the time so I can get places on time.
Makes sense to me.

[Eastern DUmmie Time.]

Chavez has jumped the shark.

[Chavez jumped the shark a half hour ago.]

I'd love to go there..their time would be right in time with me and I could see those Angel Falls!

[Unfortunately I might have to go on Hugo DUmmie Time this December for a couple of weeks. My wife is insistent that I go with her to visit her family down there. I don't mind meeting the in-laws but I'm not crazy about entering Hugo World.]

Personally, I don't see it as a big deal. I doubt it will have much benefit, but on the other hand who does it harm?

[How about the ENTIRE Venezuelan economy? How can businesses (before they get nationalized) down there deal with foreign companies when they have to fight the confusion of always being a half hour out of sync?]

I Believe He Was Inspired by Newfoundland

[They wear their underwear on the outside up there?]

It'll put Venezuela 30 minutes ahead of the Eastern US (currently the same time zone) ...and that's probably his sole motivation.

[Now Hugo can get the satisfaction of celebrating the New Year a half hour ahead of that sulphurous George Bush.]


Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

(Something big will be happening on the Web in September. Will the Great Pumpkin be arriving? Stand by!)

We are intrigued.

The man is a genius

If he set the time ahead 45 minutes, would he be a super-duper-ubergenius? I mean even Albert Einstein wanted to set the clocks ahead, but only by 37 minutes. HA!

9:53 AM  
Anonymous ray said...

"Hmmmm That is interesting.... I wonder why he is doing this?"

It's simple, he wants to convince everyone that the sun rises and sets according to his commands. Hugo's trying to become the next Sun God. Look for human sacrifices next as the Sun God will demand human blood and entrails to appease him.

"Well would you like to explain your post? Probably not, cause you are one of the.. Non believers of President Chavez."

All Hail the Sun God Chavez!

10:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

FYI: Indiana now observes Daylight Savings Time. This is the second year of it, and there are still many who disapprove of it.

9:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now I know the state motto of Indiana:

"What Time Is It?"

Anon, Don

6:59 PM  
Anonymous therealdbear said...

Arizona doesn't observe DST either.

10:53 PM  
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