Patrick Fitzgerald Needs To Get Laid

(Note: In addition to the regular DUFU editions, I will now be posting humorous items in the news and society in general. The regular DUFU editions will continue with the same frequency as previously but this will be a spicy addition to this blog.)

So why, ultimately, is Scooter Libby now facing jail time over a crime that never existed in the first place? Strangely enough, the answer might be that Scooter is heading to prison because Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald needs to get laid. Christ Matthews alluded to the "virginal" quality of Fitzgerald last week when questioning one of the Libby trial jurors, Ann Redington:

Matthews: ""What did you think of the prosecutor, Fitzgerald?"

Redington: "Very earnest, nice person."

Matthews: "Almost virginal, right? Didn't he seem like a real straight-arrow? Like he never had been married, never had a date, never had a hangover, never had anything?"

Matthews was referring to published reports that Fitzgerald has NEVER gone out on a date, preferring to lead a monkish lifestyle. It is my experience that such people are obsessed in an almost demented way. In the case of Patrick Fitgerald, he was obsessed with getting somebody high in the Bush Administration despite the fact that he learned early in his investigation that no crime had been committed since it is NOT illegal to reveal the name of a non-covert agent which was the status of Valerie Plame in the CIA. Also the leaker of Plame's name was Richard Armitage but since he was a Bush critic, Fitzfong not only didn't go after him, he had Armitage take a vow of omerta so he could stand idly by as others took the rap for him.

So in order to cure Fitzgerald of his strange obsessions, perhaps some benevolent female out there could finally break in his Talleywacker. It could well prevent another travesty of justice such as what happened to Scooter Libby.