Saturday, June 10, 2006

Pied Piper Pitt Attempts DUmmieland Rehabilitation

Look at the calendar. It is only a couple more days until June 12 which marks exactly 152 business hours since Pied Piper Pitt and Truthout assured us that Karl Rove had ALREADY been indicted on May 12. We can expect Pitt to come in for a lot of ribbing on not only the 12th of this month but on the 12th of EVERY month in the future. Yes, the 12th of each month will hear the bells tolling the funeral of Pitt's non-existent political career. Therefore in a DESPERATE bid to resurrect what never was, Pitt is now trying to rehabilitate himself in DUmmieland with ingratiating posts that have NOTHING to do with the Rove indictment. And the subject that Pitt has chosen to pathetically try to worm his way back into the good graces of the DUmmies is on the topic of Al-Zarqawi. In the first Pittiful Rehab THREAD titled, "This Just In: Zarqawi's death meaningless," Pitt asserts that the Zarqawi death means NOTHING in the long run. This is about as controversial in DUmmieland as a candidate for high school president proclaiming that what is needed is more school spirit. In the second Pittiful Rehab THREAD titled, "The Tin-Foiling of Dan," Pitt shameless manipulates his version of a "friend" named Dan as a personal prop in his DUmmieland Rehab program and even uses his photo in this effort (see photo above). Of course, Pitt thinks he is being clever in his rehabilitation efforts but we can read his motivations as clearly as if his skull had been replaced by glass. So let us now watch Pitt try to pathetically crawl back into DUmmieland's good graces in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, shamelessly using the image of Dan that Pitt shamelessly used, is in the [brackets]:

This Just In: Zarqawi's death meaningless

[This just in: Rove's May 12 indictment meaningless.]

Those who fight against the US occupation, and against other sects in Iraq, do not do so because Zarqawi told them to. The fighting and dying will continue. The civil war will expand. All this means, perhaps, is that the violence will be even more chaotic and disorganized. Remember, catching Saddam Hussein was a "turning point," too. Fat lot of good it did. Also, PS, there would never ever ever ever have been an "Al Qaeda in Iraq" had we not invaded. Basically, we killed our own straw man today. We'll find another one tomorrow.

[Pitt expressing his (and DUmmie) hopes here: Civil war will expand and violence more chaotic. Oh, and I hate to inform the terminally MISINFORMED Pitt but Al-Zarqawi has been in Iraq since 2002 which was BEFORE we entered that country.]

I'm saying we haven't heard the last of Zarqawi.

[I'm saying we haven't heard the last of Pitt.]

Agreed. It's meaningless to the truth and the big picture but it serves the purpose of Bush and his continuing lies about the Iraqi invasion

[Agreed. It's meaningless to the truth and the big picture but it serves the purpose of Pitt and his continuing lies about the Rove indictment.]

It's meaningless and an obvious propaganda distraction bullshit media circle jerk.

[It's meaningless and an obvious propaganda distraction from the Rove indictment TruthOutTheDoor story.]

It definitely means something and to pretend it doesn't is to bury ones head in the sand. The discussion about what it means shouldn't be thwarted. It's irresponsible to use oversimplified headlines.

[A DUmmie CHALLENGES Pitt. Now for his response...]

This is why I don't post very often here anymore. I used to be able to just be a DUer, posting as I pleased without getting henpecked like this. So thanks for reconfirming why it's a good idea for me to steer clear of here more often than not.

[Ah! For the good ol' days when Pitt was just a mere mortal like the other DUmmies. As to steering clear of DUmmieland more often, why don't you give your REAL reason, Pitt: YOU just don't like to be challenged as happened with your TruthOutTheDoor fiction about the Rove indictment. And now enough with Pathetic Pitt Attempt #1 to ingratiate himself with the DUmmies and on to Pathetic Pitt Attempt #2 in his desperate Rehab bid as he uses his "friend," TINFOIL HAT DAN in another "I Seeeeeen the Light" anecdote ala Ty the Bouncer...]

The Tin-Foiling of Dan

[The using of Dan as a foil...]

This is my friend Dan.

[This is my friend Dan trapped in yet another self-serving Pied Piper Pitt anecdote.]

He's a great guy. We've gone to Vegas together to play marathon sessions of poker at Binions. We went back to his hometown of Pittsburgh to watch his beloved Steelers win the Super Bowl (in the worst game ever played, yes, but don't tell him that). Dan is a physicist, usually the smartest guy in any room he walks into, but he's also a "dude," so you'd never know it until you got him talking about work...and then he'll talk your ear off about the machine he built to test what hydrogen does in an argon matrix at some degrees Kelvin.

[But, as we shall see, Dan still needs to be politically enlightened by the All-Wise Pitt.]

Most of the time, we don't talk politics. When we do, he is almost always agreeing with whatever might be pissing me off that day. Dan does not like Bush. At all. He has told me on more than one occasion that he relies on me to keep him up to speed on the details, because his existence is somewhat monk-like. He does not have cable or internet in his apartment, and only turns on his television so he can re-watch his "Full Metal Jacket" DVD for the 702nd time. If they aren't talking about it on Opie & Anthony, his favorite radio show, he probably hasn't heard about it. Dan's day: Wake up ---> drive to work ---> work all day ---> drive home ---> crack a beer ---> sleep (or) go to bar ---> repeat.

[Dan needs to use me as a crutch for his poltical enlightment. Of course, my ego is too hyperinflated to ever consider that I might need such services from someone else.]

In the interest of full disclosure, Dan is a registered Republican who voted Bush in 2000 and "None of the Above" in 2004...and yes, I've gone upside his head a thousand times about that, and yes, he deeply regrets it. Dan is a good man, a dude, not super-informed, but smart enough to know better...and smarter than most people I know when it comes to the sciences. He's one of my best friends.

[ANOTHER political conversion story. And speaking of regrets, have we heard a peep from Pitt yet for foisting the phony Hoaxmas story about the Rove indictment on the Web World?]

So Dan is out last night with our friends, sampling the new IPA they have on tap. I come cruising in around 10pm, and he pounces on me.

["Show me the light! SHOW ME THE LIGHT OH WISE ONE!!!]

"So they killed Zarqawi, right?" he says.

[Uh-oh! Stand by for another one of those DETAILED conversations that Pitt can somehow PERFECTLY recall without a word out of place.]

"Looks like it," I say.

["Looks like it," I say, pleased that my disciple Ty, oops I mean Dan, is following in my enlightened footsteps.]

"Oh bullshit!" he roars.

[Was this where Tinfoil Hat Dan reads Pitt's lame excuse about 24 business hours?]

Enter the Dan diatribe: "I saw the pictures of his face, and I saw that video of the attack on the CNN website. There's no f*cking WAY he looks that good after that. Christ, he looks like he fell down the stairs! Did you see those two missiles obliterate that building? If he was in there, they'd be picking the splinters out of the splinters before they could even get to his skin. He's got hair on his head and face! The fire didn't get that? My ass. That's not Zarqawi. Total bullshit."

[Thus quoteth Pitt in exact and PERFECT detail without a word out of place.]

For the remainder of the night, I watched him wheel on total strangers when he heard them discussing it, and he'd deliver that same diatribe every time. Arms waving, fists pounding the bar, totally worked up. This went on for hours, and I'm pretty sure he convinced everyone he talked to.

[For the remainder of the night, I am making out my "friend" Dan to be a stark raving lunatic for the purposes of my DUmmie rehabilitation attempt. Arms waving, fists pounding the bar, rabid drool pouring on the floor... This went on for hours, and I'm pretty sure you are gullible enough to believe this anecdote.]

Dan is not a DUer, does not get any alternative newsletters via email, and I sure didn't put the thought into his head. This particular tinfoil hat Dan built himself. I would have had to bungee him to his barstool to keep him from repeating his theory to anyone who'd listen last night. I'm sure he's doing it again today at work.

[And now I exploit Dan again to subtly put forth a the tinfoil hat conspiracy theory that will ingratiate myself with the DUmmies in my rehab attempt without actually having to endorse such a theory that could harm my bid to work for the Kerry campaign in the future...IF I have a political future.]

Whether he's right or wrong is beside the point, as far as I am concerned. What is interesting to me is the manifestation of TOTAL DOUBT coming from a regular guy who is not very media-savvy, and hasn't spent a lot of time working on his bullshit detector. The siren went off on this one, loud and clear.

[Whether the TruthOut Rove indictment story is right or wrong is beside the point, as far as I'm concerned. What is important to me is to rehabilitate myself with the DUmmies so I can reclaim my reputation.]

I gotta many more folks like Dan are by the water cooler at work today, calling bullshit on this story. Whether they're right or wrong isn't the point.

[Don't worry, Pitt. There are quite a few folks like Dan by the water cooler today, calling bullshit on your PHONY Rove indictment story.]

As of today, I think, it has come to this: if Bush and the boys announced that water was wet, tens and tens of millions of Americans would jump into the shower to make sure, because they aren't buying what is being sold anymore.

[This coming from the "journalist" who announced that Rove WAS indicted. And yet he gets MAD if you dare to question the veracity of that Hoaxmas story.]

Dan sure isn't. You can see his tinfoil a mile away these days. I just thought it was interesting.

[And we can see YOUR BS a mile away these days, Pitt. And now for the DUmmie comments about Pitt's exploitation of Tinfoil Hat Dan...]

I live in a blue city in a red county in a red state and I'm hearing bullshit called quite a bit - and not by the blue people in the city.

[Oh. The red people there also read Pitt's Rove indictment story?]

I wish I heard more open skepticism.

[I BEEEEEEELEEEEEEEVE Karl Rove was indicted on May 12.]

When I told him about the reports that Zarqawi survived for a little while after the attack, I thought his head was going to fly off his shoulders. "I saw the video of the attack," he kept repeating. "No f*cking way."

[Pitt continuing to make a fool out of his "friend" for DUmmie rehab purposes: "And then Dan's head turned around 360 degrees as his drool poured from his mouth while screaming, 'I SAW THE VIDEO OF THE ATTACK! NO F'ING WAY I'M SANE!!!'"]

Where did he see it...if he doesn't have cable?

[A skeptic in the midst of DUmmieland casting aspersions upon the veracity of Pied Piper Pitt's self-serving story.] has the video and he has internet at work.

[Says Pitt as he quickly recovers with an excuse on the par with the "24 business hours" shtick.]

Zarq on ice - very interesting! When I first heard that Zarq was dead, I figured Fitz was about to announce that Rove was indicted.

[It will take 24 business hours before Zarq starts stinking.]

There have been so many lies, who knows what to believe?

[I BEEEEEEELEEEEEEEVE that Karl Rove was indicted on May 12!!! That's the lie that I BEEEEEEEEELEEEEEEEVE!]

Two Brothers Brewery has a new IPA. Fine stuff.

[Fine stuff. If I drink enough of it, it will kill the pain of the realization that my non-existent political career has been RUINED by Hoaxmas.]

everyone's full up with the lies folks have to draw lines. looks like your friend's drawn his.

[Tinfoil Hat Dan buys into the Zarqawi is still alive conspiracy theory but has drawn the line at buying into Karl Rove was indicted on May 12 BS.]

When you start making sense, when your motives are not so demonstrably obvious, you'll get a nicer reply. And no, don't hold your breath.

[Snapped Pitt angrily at Reply #38 which has been deleted, most likely because it mentioned the Indictment That Dare Not Speak Its Name.]

I think he's dead.... but I don't think he died the way they told us he did.

[I was really Zarqawi's ingrown toenail that killed him.]

I guarantee you that they've had him on ice just waiting for
whenever bush needs a boost in the polls or to distract Americans from the latest crime. He's probably been dead for at least 4 business weeks.

["4 business weeks." Sarcasm noted and appreciated you LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

If it was Zarkawi they had him on Ice. Osama is being thawed out and made up for his November photograph now.

[Osama is currently residing in a large freezer with Birdseye TV dinners as roommates.]

Are you sure this is your friend Dan? Do you stand behind that?

[Pitt stands behind it as much as he stands behind the Rove indictment fairy tale.]

I called it a bullshit story the minute I heard it.

[So I guess you didn't buy into the "24 business hours" lame excuse?]

What's DU coming to? The guy who posted that if WillPitt started a thread about taking a dump it would receive at least 50 recommendations was right. F*cking groupies. I just want to know one thing: Has it been 24 business hours yet?

[Uh-Oh! It looks like Pied Piper Pitt still has a LONG way to go in his pathetic DUmmieland Rehabilitation attempts.]

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Anonymous Moonbat_One said...

The tide is turning! Dan's becoming a moonbat!

I know lots of people who are plenty intelligent and yet fall for conspiracy theories as well. Dan being ostensibly smart and Republican doesn't make Zarkman any less dead.

10:22 AM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

Boy, Pitt was right about those folks who keep falling for his bullshit... "cretins" all.

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