DUmmie FUnnies 03-16-06 ("My Useless Calls to Chuck and Hillary re Censure!")

This might shock many of you but I am kicking off this edition of the DUmmie FUnnies by actually PRAISING a DUmmie. Yes, DUmmie veracity deserves our ACCOLADES for actually CALLING the offices of Senators Chuck the Shmuck and Hillary and trying to get them to comment on the Feingold censure resolution. Most likely DUmmie veracity was inspired by a Washington Post news ARTICLE which described the uncharacteristically SHY Chuck Schumer this way:

So nonplused were Democrats that even Sen. Charles Schumer (N.Y.), known for his near-daily news conferences, made history by declaring, "I'm not going to comment." Would he have a comment later? "I dunno," the suddenly shy senator said.

Even FUnnier was the way Hillary dodged the Feingold censure resolution question:

Hillary Rodham Clinton (N.Y.) brushed past the press pack, shaking her head and waving her hand over her shoulder. When an errant food cart blocked her entrance to the meeting room, she tried to hide from reporters behind the 4-foot-11 Barbara Mikulski (Md.).

"Ask her after lunch," offered Clinton's spokesman, Philippe Reines. But Clinton, with most of her colleagues, fled the lunch out a back door as if escaping a fire.

Therefore it is with much interest that we read of DUmmie veracity's account of how he tried to pin down both Chuck the Shmuck and Hillary as you can see in this THREAD titled, "My Useless Calls to Chuck and Hillary re Censure!" The DUmmie OUTRAGE at the Duck & Weave senators is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, safely reporting on the proceedings from behind Barbara Mikulski, is in the [brackets]:

My Useless Calls to Chuck and Hillary re Censure!

[I'm CHUCKling already with HILLARity. Continue DUmmie veracity...]

I called the Washington and New York City offices of both Senator Chuck Schumer and Senator Hillary Clinton this morning to ask about their respective positions on the censure resolution introduced by Senator Russ Feingold.

[You've already done MORE than most reporters who are content nowadays to just quote Bush's poll numbers hour by hour. Continue...]

Sen. Schumer's Washington DC office told me he had NO POSITION on the issue at the moment. I laughed out loud, and stated that for a Senator who takes public stances on every issue that can get him a photo op....that response was, in fact, a clear position. I stated that having NO POSITION was refusing to hold the President accountable for violating the Constitution. I said a few other choice things that will remain undisclosed for the moment.

I then asked if I could quote the Senator's position in a newsletter issued by TvNewsLIES.org, the alternative news site for which I write and which had a regular radio webcast. Uh...well...not really, was the response. But, the young man to whom I was speaking quickly offered to connect me to the press folks who would give me an official statement.

No luck. Everyone in the press office claimed to have no authority to state an official position for Senator Schumer....but they asked for my contact information and promised to get back to me as soon as someone 'in authority' arrived.

I'm still waiting.

[You are just 10 minutes away from hearing Chuck the Shmuck's official position. Now let us turn to the even more HILLARYous Hillary...]

Hillary Clinton's Washington DC office REFUSED to give me her position. Chris, the responder on the phone, totally and abjectly said he could not offer Cilnton's position on the censure because the resolution was in committee and she had not had time to go over it. You don't want to hear what I had to say to the outrageous response that was an insult to any caller's intelligence.

[Yeah, I read Feingold's brief CENSURE RESOLUTION and it took me all of about 2 minutes to finish it so we have to cut Hillary some slack on the time factor.]

I then identified myself as a member of the alternative press and was redirected to the 'press office." There, an answering machine recording assured me I'd hear from someone soon.

["Thank you for calling. Another machine will soon be replying with a pre-programmed response. Have a nice day... BEEP!"]

I'm still waiting for that call as well.

[Have you heard the sound of chirping crickets yet?]

Bottom line. The Party's over. There's no hope for anyone expecting some relief from the Democrats to the horror that is facing this nation.

[Chucky and Hillary have your back.]

Where to run?

[Off the cliff? Anyway DUmmie veracity WINS a Kewpie Doll for having slightly more than a brief moment of mental clarity. And now on to the enraged response from the DUmmie Peanut Gallery.]

I guess we need to start dumping tea in Boston Harbor again
because even though we pay taxes we have NO representation. On the Republican side we've got criminals and religious fanatics; on the Democratic side we've got consultant-obsessed cowards; and nobody -- none of those useless tools -- represents us. Lipton is cheap. Let's go for it.

[Why not make a REAL sacrifice and dump Celestial Seasonings tea into Boston Harbor?]

I agree....has anybody got a really really good idea on how to put together a symbolic BOSTON TEA PARTY? It has to be very clever and legal and has to draw a lot of attention...as well as a million or so people!!!!

[What the hell is a "symbolic" Boston Tea Party? Is that where you just PRETEND to dump your precious tea into Boston Harbor? I have a better idea. How about if the DUmmies DUmp themselves in frustration into Boston Harbor?]

F*ck the Boston Harbor - let's dump tea in the Tennesse River. Or the Mississippi. Or the Missouri. That might wake some people up.

[Hey DUmmies! This is why you folks are always in political trouble. Rather than keeping yourselves ON TOPIC you get sidetracked into trivia about where to dump symbolic tea.]

No surprise, they're my senators also, and I gave up bothering with them long ago. They NEVER respond to emails, Schumer doesn't even send the obligatory electronic response. I may as well have two Republicans as senators ~
I'll call them tomorrow just to annoy them. Maybe by then they'll have heard from their DLC overlords as to what their positions are going to be.

[Chucky and Hillary need TIME to read that Feingold censure resolution. If they can ever spare a couple of minutes in their day to go over it, they MIGHT get back to you but don't hold your breath waiting for their non-response.]

WHAT THE F*CK IS THEIR PROBLEM????? ARE THEY F*CKING IDIOTS OR WHAT? HAVE THEY **SEEN** THE LATEST POLL NUMBERS???? THE COUNTRY IS BEGGING, F*CKING BEGGING SOMEONE, ANYONE TO STAND UP TO HE AND HIS CRONIES' BULLSHIT!!!! My GOD, but it boggles the mind.

[And to what address may I send your Hillary Campaign '08 fundraising letter?]

Both Schumer and Clinton are "crafty politicians", and realize the futility of over-reaching with this silly "censure" resolution. Unless, of course, "internal polling" shows it is the thing to do. In that case, there is not a TV program on this earth that Hill and Chucky won't push their mugs onto. Thank the DSCC for this brilliant milquetoast hang on to the middle, lest we be perceived as being (gasp!) liberal "strategy" - whatever the fuck it is. If two Senators were ever begging for a "Kick me, I'm stupid" sign...

[I'll be bipartisan here and volunteer Senators Susan Collins and Chuck Hagel for a "Kick me, I'm stupid" sign...]

My tactic now... Whenever I get a letter from either Hillary or Chuck.....which is quite regularly..... I take the request for donations form....and I print in CLEAR LARGE BLACK MARKER: YOU BETRAYED US!....and I add IRAQ, 9/11, PLAME, SPYING....or whatever I can manage to fit onto the page. " And, of course, I mail it to them. Trust me, if they get all the letters back without a donation, but with a message from the people they're counting on.....they'll start to open their eyes.

[Could you add "FBI FILES" to the Hillary letter?]

I do the same thing! On that day that they renewed the patriot act. Clinton sent me such a fund raiser and I sent it back covered in think, black marker saying to take me off her mailing list since she saw fit to sell out me and my civil liberties. Felt good! Now I'm gonna work to unseat her corporate butt from the senate!

[Good news! Hillary wants to leave the Senate too and move into a house on Pennsylvania Avenue.]

Just got one from Hillary, wanting $$ for the DSCC. I got out a Magic Marker and wrote across the slip where you list your donation, "NOT A DIME TIL DEMS GROW SPINES!" It goes out in tomorrow's mail. Postage prepaid. As soon as they start standing behind Feingold and otherwise doing their damn job of representing us, I'll start contributing. Not before then.

[NOT ONE DAMN DIME DAY!]

NO HILLARY IN '08!!!!!

[NO way you can counter Karl Rove's Game Plan.]

Where is Hillary? Harkin and Boxer are on board. Is Hillary consulting her astrologer?

[Eleanor Roosevelt materialized from the ether and told Hillary to stall until this all blows over.]

Unbelievably pathetic that there's no more support on this issue. But that's the Dems in a nutshell: afraid to take a stance. We're in a Catch-22 situation: none of these spineless bastards wants to make a move unless they're guaranteed they'll receive popular acclaim, and we can't show them popular acclaim until they make a move. I firmly believe there's a critical mass forming in this country that wants to take this corrupt dictatorship down.

[I looked at Ted Kennedy long ago and concluded that there was a critical ass that had already formed.]

We are Paul Wellstone.

[WE are Karl Rove.]