DUmmie FUnnies 04-19-05 ("Germany's Ratzinger is new pope")

A new Pope was chosen today and no sooner did the white smoke clear the chimney and the bells sounded the news when the DUmmies went into their Alternative Universe Mode with nutty observations about the papacy. There were many such threads in Dummieland but I chose this THREAD titled, “Germany's Ratzinger is new pope,” mainly because it seemed to be the longest and therefore had a LOT of NUttie DUmmie material to work with. So let us now enter the hallowed sanctum of DUmmieland and watch their theological musings in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if Tom Tryon will ever be chosen as Pope, is in the [brackets]:

Oh goody. Another neocon in power. Will any US Catholics leave the church over this?

[Only self-excommunicated DUmmies.]

surely there are some who will wake up to this. "the deep moral sickness" of europe was a fave topic for ratzy and jp2. we are in for one hell of a ride. keep your eye out for commentary on how SOON they arrived at this decision. it's about money and power -- the blood cult wing of the theocrats is now in power in catholicism as well as protestantism. this is frightening in the extreme, but not surprising. those of us who left in the 80s over jp2's siding with latin american dictators over their own preists, expected this.

[What dictators in South America? You mean Castro and Chavez? In any event I will be sure NOT to pass your meaningless comments over to “ratzy.”]

I'm glad I'm a protestant, and don't have to view the words of the pope as the words of God. It leaves me free to respect men like JPII, even though I disagree with some of his beliefs.

[Sorry but being a member of the First Church of the Universal Whatever doesn’t qualify as Protestant.]

My mom hasn't been to church in years because of how conservative the Church has gotten... she's looking into the Unitarian Church. Yay!

[I’ve seen the Unitarian Bible. The pages are blank so you can write your own rules.]

Maybe we'll get lucky he will "die in his sleep" like our 33 day "Progressive Pope" John Paul 1st, did. Yes, I'm an Ex-Catholic, and now I plan on staying that way.

[DUmmie compassion on display.]

I think of myself as a "Renegade Catholic". My wife...thinks of herself as a "Catholic on permanent vacation". We resigned from the Catholic Church this winter after all the pro-Bush political crapola the Vatican spewed during our 2004 Presidential elections, their vocal pro-Bush, anti-gay-American-marriage crapola, the American bishop (s?) who refused John Kerry communion for his support of the law of Roe v. Wade, the San Diego bishop's refusal to give a gay nightclub owner a Catholic burial, and the Tom Delayish crapola the Vatican publicly spewed about the Terri Schiavo fiasco. The Vatican has become an arm of the neo-con/fundie movement in Amerika because it too has always been obsessed with power, and they see that right now that's where the power is. We're Da Vinci Code enthusiasts now. Non-affiliated, non-denominational spiritual deists, perhaps. We don't need no f'in churches to find our way through this life and into the next.

[Don’t tell anybody but the College of Cardinals used Diebold machines when voting for the Pope. Let us now start a new BBV (Black Box Vatican) conspiracy thread.]

I'm not precisely an Ex-Catholic, but I'm as close as you can get without actually severing ties. It's a glum day for Catholicism. And they WILL indeed see more American Catholics falling away. They WILL indeed see their donation money continuing to dry up. When I'm not at Mass, I'm not putting anything into the collection plate. And it isn't just me. It was a CNN report I saw a few days ago that indicated the largest share of donations to the Catholic Church comes from America.

[Not One Damn Dime Day!]

He practially endorsed GW Bush as the next great president don't you all remember?

[Yeah. I remember the new Pope was a delegate at the GOP convention last summer.]

Leaving the church. I already sent an e-mail to my husband saying that I will be attending the episcopal church on Sunday.

[And you had to notify your hubby via e-mail because he can’t stand living under the same roof as you.]

I left the Church about ten years ago, because of the actions of hundreds of men, and how they treated me as a woman. How they preached and wrote doctrine, etc. against ME. I didn;'t leave the Church, it left me. If it was one person, I wouldn't have left. It was many. And since I have left, it's gotten so much worse, calling gay people "evil," refusing to even acknowledge condoms help in stopping AIDS. Sticking to these crazy, antiquated ideas while millions die. And, we were very active in the Church. I even taught CCD for many years.

[So join the First Church of ME.]

You might want to try the United Church of Christ. They're very progressive and very welcoming.

[Translation: Gay pastors! Lesbian pastors!]

I wish now that I had not left the RC some years ago, so that I could leave now in protest to this worst of all possible choices for pope.

[Perhaps you can retroactively rejoin the church in order to quit it again.]

I no longer follow any Christian religion, but my current beliefs are completely consistent with what I believe were the actual teachings of JC, namely, love, love, love.

[Welcome to the First Church of the Aquarian Age.]

This fix was in before JP died. Bush and Cheney are smiling today.

[And don’t forget the smirk on Karl Rove’s face.]

Joey da Rat. Is an Opus Dei member, a VERY fascist organization. Was he forced to join Opu Dei?

[Were you forced to join DUmmieland?]

Why...are people cheering for ole Ratzo? He was a Nazi for God's sake. He also considers Protestants "heretics" and holds an extremely orthodox, reactionary position on so many issues. It's back to the Middle Ages for the CC now.... and the Inquisition if Ratzy decides to fire clergy and excommunicate members. Oh boy. What fun. Are hardline fundie Catholics salivating?

[The bad news for you is that “ole Ratzo” considers DUmmies to be morons.]

Did Diebold run this election too?

[Yes. Call Bev Harris to investigate. She is just $10 away from overturning the papal selection.]

I don't want to hear the Church whining about lack of membership. As for me, I left dogmatic religion a long time ago and never went back. I go to church in the mountains, by the shores, or looking into a midnight sky…

[…or staring at the bottom of a septic tank.]

Matthew Fox for Pope!!! He'd be perfect! I am his fan and love his books. I am an Episcopalian.

[Pied Piper Pitt for Pope!!!]

I miss Jaime Cardinal Sin of the Philippines.

[Catchy name at the very least.]

I'm glad I'm not a member of the Roman Church and have to accept this as "God's will" ... I'm quite content not even being a Christian anymore.

[Druid or Wiccan?]