DUmmie FUnnies 04-13-05 ("a war with the religious right is coming, cause that's what they want")

Several years ago, when I lived out West in La-La Land, a liberal friend of mine asked me what all the “T” decals on the cars out there meant. He was referring to the elaborately designed “T” that was handed out by a big auto transmission company out there as part of its advertising. At that point I could have told my liberal friend the truth OR lie like hell and tell him that the elaborate “T” was the symbol of a very fundamentalist church whose members had extreme conservative political views. Of course I choose the latter option and for years my liberal friend was living in extreme paranoia thinking he was surrounded by right-wing conservative fundamentalists. He told me how he peered into the cars on the road with the “T” decal, fantasizing how those people inside were working to establish a fundamentalist Kingdom of God on Earth. Since those “T” decals were very common in the L.A. area, his paranoia grew exponentially. This DUmmie THREAD titled, “a war with the religious right is coming, cause that's what they want,” brought that “T” episode back to mind. Of course, this thread was posted by DUmmie mopaul, one of the MORE whacked out of the DUmmies and in the paranoid environs of DUmmieland, that is saying a lot. As usual the DUmmie paranoia is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if the DUmmies have seen too many “T” decals, is in the [brackets]:

a war with the religious right is coming, cause that's what they want

[Actually what we really want is for you DUmmies to use the cap lock key. What’s the deal with you DUmmies and your widespread antipathy to capitalizing? Is this some sort of political statement? Let’s see? Capitalizing…Capitalism. Okay, I think I see some sort of weird logic in this but continue with your paranoid rant, DUmmie mopaul…]

a nation of true believers is what they want, and they don't want you non believers around at all. of course, we can't allow that, but that won't stop the coming major confrontation with the religious, righteous zealots. deny it at your peril.

[The only religious zealots I’ve run into lately were the annoying Jehovah’s Witnesses. Some of you here might remember my recent encounter with them in front of a supermarket where they just would NOT leave me alone so I told them I had to go to the bathroom but they said they would wait for me even though I told them I had extreme constipation and would be ensconced on a toilet seat for the better part of an hour. However, at this point the DUmmie theory fails since JWs have absolutely NOTHING to do with politics. In fact, they don’t even vote.]

it is what they want the question -- do their corporate lords and masters want the same? or does it make any difference to them?

[Yes. Their corporate lords and masters want the same since they know that very religious people are so unworldly that they won’t notice that the EVIL corporations are raising prices on them.]

Anyone have "God's Army" where you live? I don't know what teaching that it comes from but I've seen little kids come into my work with "God's Army" t-shirts on and it totally creeps me out.

[Hey! Aren’t you the guy I fed that “T” bs to?]

I wish I had the best strategy already. I have been thinking that for a long time now. It seems that our Christian community would be the best ace in the hole, but many of them don't seem to believe that. I wish I knew how to talk to them and inspire them to rally without stirring up my old pains and getting into a fight with the wrong bunch of people.

[Removing the purple from your hair along with the nose rings would be a good start.]

Having grown up in a fundamentalist church, I think that the tactics
they use are pretty much the same as those used by most cults. Isolation of people who feel left out of the greater society, identification with a set of rules and beliefs designed to help the person modulate his/her behavior, promotion of that particular set of beliefs as superior and the only way, encouragement to prosyletize others. Fundamentalist Christians also encourage the belief that they are persecuted for their beliefs.

[That sounds like a good description of DUmmieland.]

I've been in an number of these churches in my lifetime and have observed that the membership is largely made up of people given to excess. The excesses (alcohol, sex, drugs, gluttony, etc.)from the outside world are released within the church through the catharsis of excessively emotional religious demonstrations and extascies (sp?).

[How about rock’n’roll? I thought it was supposed to be sex, drugs, & rock’n’roll.]

I think you're right, I've been to the local megachurch…

[Not to be confused with the First United Ultrachurch but contine...]

Its membership is largely all the kids we knew in high school in the 70s who drank and partied. Now they've grown up, they have responsibilities, families and anxieties. The megachurch gives them glossy high-quality production values, and a message that concentrates on personal behavior and personal salvation. Many of the congregants are there to be better people, to live healthy, wholesome lives for their families. Underneath, there's a great deal of paranoia: the full-service Christian bookstore on the premises that stocks all the insane Bible prophecy books that say we're in the end times, and books that explain how the homosexuals and feminists are ruining America and exposing the country to God's wrath.

[Does that bookstore carry Jack Chick comix? It’s not a legit religious bookstore unless it carries my beloved Jack Chick comix. I love my Chick Tracts. I read them religiously.]

There's also a huge amount of partisan politics. The congregation is a resource to be harvested by the Republican Party. They are given very direct messages as to how they are to vote to be good Christians. The pastor will never say who to vote for at the pulpit, of course (to protect their tax-exempt status), but voter guides are distributed to remind everyone which candidates are pro-life and anti-gay marriage. The megachurch I'm talking about has 18,000 members.

[Yeah but how many of those 18,000 “members” are tombstoned? Anyway, at the First United Ultrachurch the voter guides are distributed with the collection buckets.]

We have a whole group next door. We do not see them or do they really get after any one as they are busy shooting off guns all the time. I wonder if this is not like the wife that watchers her husband put his fist and foot through the door and wall for years and the wife is not to fear him? Congress on the Dem side already fear the right. Look who voted right after 911 and what for.

[Everybody knows that loading shotguns is part of the fundamentalist church service. Oh, and let’s not forget about the gun rack on the pulpit. Plus the preachers are always using that Dirty Harry “holding a 44 Magnum in my hand” line as part of their sermons.]

act like a good boy. don't try to reason or modify these folks; it's impossible. burrow in, make some non-internet communication lines w/ solid lefties & prepare to feed the resistance data on numbers, locations, leaders, equipment pools, etc.

[Oooh! Oooh! Can I play the spy game too? I wanna feed useless data to the resistance on my walkie talkie.]

They're amping up as of late...The Schiavo mess laid it all bare - the Christian coalitions are coordinating their efforts and aiming with the accuracy of a laser beam. We have much to fear in the coming three years - they're playing to win.

[“Crackle! Crackle! Hello Megachurch! This is the First United Ultrachurch. Can you pick us up on this walkie talkie frequency? Oh, you can? Good. Anyway, we are contacting you in order to coordinate our efforts against the wacko Lefties with the accuracy of a laser beam. Crackle! Crackle!”]

the religious right is a tool used by capitalist and internationalist to keep the masses in line---herd the masses into religious fervor while those chosen pick the

[I think it was Karl Marx who said that religion is the opiate of the masses. However, Groucho Marx said that opiates are the religion of the asses.]

Exactly what are their numbers? How big of a group are we talking about here? I was raised Christian and have not been a practicing one in many years. I know lots of people like me. I also know lots of people who are not Christian--of any stripe, who embrace other belief systems. Somehow, I think their fervent screaming perhaps hides the fact that their numbers may really be small. They just happen to have gotten people into positions of power and influence now. Does anyone know for sure if my suspicions may have merit? Where does one go to begin to research this?

[That part about their fervent screaming hiding the fact that their numbers are really small sure sounds like a description of DUmmieland. Yeah, Skinner touts 67,000 DUmmies but when you subtract tombstoned members and LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS we are talking about less than 10,000. Perhaps as low as 4000 or 5000.]

Is there a way to demonstrate this with real numbers though? If they are not addressed as a minority extremist group, instead of a perceived majority, then their beliefs are given currency and opportunity to spread. This is exactly how extremist Islamic factions took hold in Iran during the 1970s. Then they started "educating" the young after they exterminated a large segment of the older generation. I fear we are headed down the same road.

[You can determine their numbers by checking the backs of their necks for small green leafy growths ala “Attack of the Body Snatchers.”]

There are alot of people on the membership rolls at the country's churches who only show up on Sunday morning because their local society expects them to, but don't go along with alot of this other religious stuff as soon as their butt clears the door after the service. And here in the south, there's a sizable chunk of younger males in the pews strictly for the reason of being able to play on the church softball teams - it's almost the cult that high school football has obtained in Texas.

[And don’t forget the element about picking up hot Baptist chicks. That’s important too.]

There is no parent in the United States who is more opposed to religion in public schools than me. None. I'll teach my children about religion at home, in church, in a sweat lodge, and in nature. And part of what I will teach them is that the far-right religous republicans are emotionally disturbed people, who do not experience the true goodness of God.

[That must be some sight. Your nekkid body sitting on a towel in a sweat lodge sermonizing about far-right “religous” Republicans. Somehow I think that is ONLY what your sweaty smelly sermons would consist of.]

Would you consider the religious right a terrorist group?

[Why? Do they toss pies and salad dressing at people trying to speak?]

certain factions of it are for sure little conclaves are scattered all over the country, right next door, right under your nose. i know of several in my little sector of the midwest, they own complexes in the woods just like the branch davidiots, heavily armed, amping up the paranoia, and preparing for the day when they get to bring on the rapture and be vindicated. i ain't kiddin'

[And don’t forget about the secret ammo depots hidden in their basements, DUmmie mopaul.]

STOP THE AMERICAN TALIBAN, THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT We need to turn this back on them. I NEED a bumper sticker that says that!

[How about a bumper sticker that says, “SUPPORT MENTAL HEALTH OR I’LL KILL YOU!!!”?]

OK...How about "CHRISTIAN COALITION TALIBAN?" I like that too. That separates THEM from US. "REPUBLICAN RELIGIOUS TALIBAN?" "MORAL MAJORITY TALIBAN?"

[Or “DELUSIONAL DUMMIE DRUGGIES.”]

Karl Christian Rove's plan is to divide and conquer within. He and the party WANT us hating one another; neighbor against neighbor, father against son, husband against wife etc.

[DUmmie against inmate…]

I shall go to my burning stake with pride but not quietly. pagans love peace but our passions get in the way of pure pacifism occasionally.

[When you go to your burning stake with pride, would you mind holding a marshmallow for me?]

Islam will crush the Xtians.

[You express DUmmie desire so articulately.]