Thursday, January 17, 2013

Kucinich betrays DUmmies, joins Fox News!

As you can see above, at one time, the DUmmies had no greater hero than Dennis Kucinich. There was nobody they liked better. The former Boy Mayor of Cleveland, the former Wunderkind of the Cuyahoga, the truest, bluest progressive in Congress, the prog-preferred presidential aspirant in '04 and '08, and a moonbat as wacky as the DUmmies themselves--there was no one who could surpass Dennis Kucinich in the eyes of the DUmmies.

But all that has changed now. Due to Ohio losing a seat in Congress, Rep. Kucinich was forced into a primary against fellow congressperson Marcy Kaptur--and he lost! His own party betrayed him by voting for the other Democrat. Stung by his defeat, Kucinich found solace in his featured role in The Hobbit and in his hot young wife:

It's amazing, isn't it? It's kind of like if Gollum somehow managed to get Lady Galadriel to marry him:

But I digress. Where did we leave off? OK. . . . Having been betrayed by his party, the question became: What Would Kookie Do? Answer: He would betray THEM!

Lo and behold, Dennis Kucinich has signed up with FOX NEWS!! This jarring news has hit DUmmieland like a thunderbolt. The DUmmies are moving through Kübler-Ross's Five Stages of Grief, but they seem to be stuck on Anger. (BTW, would Kucinich qualify as a Kübler Elf?)

We will see the wrath of the DUmmies descend on Denny in these threads:

This THREAD, "Fox News Signs Dennis Kucinich As Contributor"; and
This THREAD, "What do you think of Dennis Kucinich joining Fox News?"; and
This THREAD, "Dennis Kucinich: It's 'Almost Silly' To Think I'd Be The Token Liberal On Fox"

So let us now watch the DUmmies DUmp on Dennis, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--not surprised that Kookie would join Fox, since he already MARRIED a fox--is in the [brackets]:

Fox News Signs Dennis Kucinich As Contributor

[Huh? Whaa--?? Surely there must be some sort of mistake here! Not our Dennis Kucinich! Oh, wait. Surely you must mean "MSNBC," not . . . not . . . ugh, FOX!!]

Fox News Channel has signed former Congressman Dennis Kucinich as a paid contributor to FNC and Fox Business network. Kucinich, who was for years a liberal stalwart in the House of Representatives, will provide analysis and commentary across all of FNC and FBN’s programs, beginning with Thursday’s edition of “The O’Reilly Factor.”


“I’ve always been impressed with Rep. Kucinich’s fearlessness and thoughtfulness about important issues,” said Fox News chairman and CEO Roger Ailes. . . .

[Ailes? I think Kucinich must have been abducted by ALIENS!]

“His willingness to take a stand from his point of view makes him a valuable voice in our country’s debate.”

[Translation: "I can use him as a token liberal punching bag. Plus, from time to time he'll bash Obama for not being liberal enough. Plus, he's an entertaining wacko. Plus, he's got a hot wife. It's all good."]

[The DUmmies react . . .]

That's JUST what Democrats need, somebody attacking them from the left on Faux Snooze.

[But isn't that exactly what you DUmmies do on DUmmieland, i.e., attack the Dems for not being proggy enough?]

Done. With. Kucinich.

[On. To. Grayson.]

What In the F***?!

[What In the FOX?!]

Dennis, Dennis, Dennis... WTF man?!

[Say it ain't so, Kookie!]

As long as he doesn't let himself be used as a punching bag it's ok.

[Uh, DUmmie, why do you think Fox signed him?]

he's a contributor, not an anchor.

[He's a contributor to your anger.]

Do you think he'll turn teabagger?

[I think he'll turn punchbagger.]

Please - Give Dennis A Chance. . . .

[All we are saying . . . is give Dennis a chance . . .]

just a little while ago - people here were bummed that he got screwed out of his Congressional seat.

[He was Kaptured by aliens!]

Oh my! Now they'll be watching Fox to dance to Kooch's toon.

[Do the Hoochie-Koochie!]

The world's oldest profession gains another employee. Walk with pride, Dennis.

[Dennis is a proud paid progstitute.]

Beyond astonished.

[Distraught. Dismayed. Disconsolate. Stepping out on the ledge.]

Now he can bash the President and get both laughs and applause.

[It's a beautiful thing.]

"Paid contributor" = blood money.

[Dennis Iscariot gets his dirty pieces of silver.]

Here is why I give Dennis no quarter. . . .

[Look, it takes a lot more than a quarter to buy off Dennis, my friend!]

Dennis is not naive enough to think he will be anything but a pawn. . . . You take money from the GOP you become their pawn. . . .

[But now he will be a pawn STAR! Heck, he and the lovely Miss Elizabeth might even get their own reality show! Let's see, what could they call it? "Say Yes to the Elf"? "Kook Boss"? "Here Comes Denny Koo Koo"? ("A dolla makes me holla, Denny Koo Koo!")]

What do you think of Dennis Kucinich joining Fox News?

[There's a poll on this for the DUmmies to answer. Right now the results look like this . . .]

57% Cha-Ching... He needs a war chest and it's a paycheck!
22% He thinks he can win over F***ed up Fox News watchers!
7% Fox News thinks they need him to keep up ratings!
14% Other reason. . . .

[Most of the DUmmies got this one mostly right--follow the dollar signs. But a "war chest"?? Do you really think Kookie is going to run for office again? Say, on second thought, you may be on to something! KUCINICH 2016! Go for it!]

They hired him to make Fox viewers think all left leaning people are extreme and far out of the mainstream.

[Which . . . they are.]

He is too marginal to marginalize. As to his credibility, he destroyed that with many people when he did not accept the primary was fair.

[Dennis the Minus.]

If he is that stupid, to hell with him. If he is not and still does this, I hope he goes straight to HELL!

[Feel the love!]

What do you think of Harpo as one of the Marx Brothers? They'll trot him out to honk a horn and then throw a pie in his face whenever the occasion warrants.

[Kookie is a combination of Harpo and Karlo Marx.]

They hired him because he's amusing. And he can tin foil with the best of them.

[Kookie is Comedy GOLD!]

You forgot... Meh! That's my response. Of course, if you had included "Meh!" I wouldn't have voted for it. Such is the Zen of Meh!

[Dennis the Meh-ness.]

Fox News wants him for ratings; he wants it for the moolah. He's also an extremist in some areas; Fox News likes to have on liberals who are either not effective communicators, almost Republican, or irritating extremists (to the Fox News viewer...validating the viewers' view that liberals are wackos). Note that these are not MY views of Kucinich...these are what Fox viewers would think.

[Yeah, right! Those ARE your views, you, you. . . LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

They obviously think they can make Kuch look ridiculous. . . .

[Not much of a stretch.]

I'm disappointed.

[Dennis tries to console the disappointed DUmmie . . .]

Apparently they need another "Hannity and Colmes"-style show.

[They can call this one "Insanity & Colmes" . . .]

Dennis Kucinich: It's “Almost Silly” To Think I'd Be The Token Liberal On Fox

[Dennis has spoken, and he's no token!]

he says it's "almost silly" to think that he'll be a kind of token. "I'm way past that in my life and career,"  Kucinich said. . . . "That's almost silly."

[That's one token over the line!]

yeah, it's just soo fookin' noble to be sucking off the Murdoch/Ailes teat.

[Dennis, someone ain't buyin' what you're sellin'.]

Ahh now the haters demand "purity". . . .

[Haters gonna hate.]

I have lost all respect for Kucinich. Sell Out is a much too kind description of him.

["Judas" is more like it! He made a Faustian, Fauxian deal with the devil!]

Now they'll attack Obama from the right and the left.

[Happy Inauguration Day, Mr. President! Four more years!]

Currently, Fox attacks him from the right. DUers attack him from the left. Fair. and Balanced.

[Hee! Hee!]


Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

I have to admit I did several double takes when I found out Kookcinich was going to be on FNC. Just when you think things in politics can't get any more surreal...

7:11 PM  
Anonymous Liptonius said...

"They hired him to make Fox viewers think all left leaning people are extreme and far out of the mainstream."

They did, you are, and he is perfect for the job.

I will bet Mr. Kucinich and his views, will be treated with respect, offered a balanced venue where his opinions will meet with (spirited) debate, and, in short, he will NOT be treated as if he were an interviewee/victim of the loathsome Piers Morgan and any of the crap on MSNBC.

His words will spin massive lengths of the rope that will hang "progressivism", out to dry, and all without recourse to after-the-fact skewing, 'misinterpreting', (as in: "what I meant to say, was...") and will shine a lovely, sunshiney light of day upon what the Left... is.

I stand by him and congratulate his bravery for walking into the "Fox's Den" for whatever monetary and publicity reasons drive him. He must know that he takes a risk and believes that he can overcome.

It will not go well for him though.

I don't think it will help his political aspirations. I further posit that his tenure will neuter some other 'radical progressives' whose aspirations are nothing more than the old 'rant and a slogan' campaign. Witness the lack of traction present in the hysterical "gun violence" debate.

A: Guns don't commit violence any more than wrenches do.
B: Seizing my property and violating my Rights? Ummm. No. Does "no" work for you? It had better, government, because I'm not giving you any other answers.

BUT! As ridiculous, silly, preposterous and possibly deranged as conservatives the Fox Kucinichisms, I believe that he honestly holds his beliefs to be the truth as he perceives it, that he speaks these things honestly, and from his heart, and that he truly cannot understand why we, Free Citizens of the United States of America, cannot see things as he does.

I suspect also that he thinks we are crazy for not doing so, but that would be unkind and this is NOT MSNBC...

It us DUFU! Where even slime like Trogalmain or KayinMaine can come and show their capacious asses in a driveby!

7:50 PM  
Anonymous KayInMaine said...


2:51 PM  
Anonymous The ULTIMATE Man said...

KayInMaine came on the DUmmie FUnnies and howled like a banshee...

FOAD, KayInSane, you sorry fucked up publicity whore.

2:59 PM  
Blogger el polacko said...

if any of these dumm-asses were to actually WATCH foxnews instead of just ranting about it, they'd learn that there's any number of regular contributors who are left/dem/prog or libertarian. unlike cnn or msnbc, foxnews really IS 'fair and balanced'.

3:07 AM  
Anonymous Marlene Dietrich's Top Hat said...

Hey, if it isn't my favorite parody troll! Hey KayInMaine, I was afraid Poe's Law had strangled you in your sleep.

11:50 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home