Thursday, May 08, 2008

William Rivers Pitt Proclaims Long Primary Race A "Blessing"

Now that the Democrat primary race seems to be over, Pied Piper Pitt has worked up the liquid courage to make a statement about the primary. Thus far, other than to angrily berate his fellow DUmmies for daring to suggest they might sit out the general election, Pitt has been MUM on the primary race raging around him. Of course, he did claim to be a strong Edwards supporter but only AFTER the Breck Girl was dropped out of the race so any endorsement would be completely safe to make. So now that the Democrat race seems to be over, Pitt jumps back into the fray with the dopey proclamation that the long drawn out primary fight was actually a good thing as you can see in his THREAD ridiculously titled, "This long primary race is a blessing. A true gift to the country. Thank you, Hillary. Seriously." One need only look at the time this idiocy was posted to get an idea for the inspiration: 2:50 AM. This meens that Pitt was well fortified with Bukowski's brew purchased with trust fund bucks before tapping this silliness out on his keyboard. Oh, and just a reminder here, folks. Five days from now marks the second anniversary of Karl Rove being indicted by Patrick Fitzgerald on May 12, 2006. Will Pitt be celebrating his journalistic scoop at Bukowksi's? So let us now join Pitt deep in his cups declaring how wonderful the bloody Democrat primary was in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, preparing for the Fitzmas celebrations in a few days, is in the [brackets]:

This long primary race is a blessing. A true gift to the country. Thank you, Hillary. Seriously.

[Wasting my life away at Bukowski's is a blessing. A true gift to my liver. GULP! Thank you, Hillarious. Seriously.]

Screw the hand-wringers and the always-wrong punditry who want it to be damaging so they can be buzzards as usual.

[Mind telling us who the always-wrong pundit was who proclaimed that Karl Rove had already been indicted on May 12, 2006?]

This has been one of the better things to happen in America in a long time. Both candidates deserve our gratitude, but Clinton moreso for staying in even after the numbers ran out of spinning space.

[Hey! I just releazed that being exposed for my Fitzmas Fraud scoop was really one of the better things to happen to me in a long time.]

Think about it.

[Give me 24 business hours to think about it.]

1. When was the last time you can remember so many people, so many usual non-voters, so many new voters, so many Black and Hispanic voters whose absence from the polls tends to directly affect their lives, almost always to their deficit, with much more immediacy than in other blocs of voters.

[I am hoping that Pitt can meet Obama at some town hall meeting and tell the Obamassiah that wearily fighting Hillary every step of the way was really a great thing.]

That right there is a coalition, shades of what Bobby Kennedy and later George McGovern were trying to pull together. Bobby had it, and maybe they laid him low exactly because he had it. McGovern tried, and did really well considering what he was up against in his own party. The party powers (explained by Hunter Thompson as "the Meany, Daley, Humphrey axis") fought him tooth and nail all the way to the convention, where he scrambled their eggs using the new convention rules he had written with his own hand after the '68 debacle (at the behest of M-D-H, ironically enough).

[Yeah. Great example there. McGovern. I believe he won DC and MA. And maybe just one other state.]

The Bobby/George (sorta Teddy) coalition still exists, and pretty much has to deal with the same shit their predecessors went through 36 years ago: shitass war, bastard president, f*cked economy, contempt and violence from cops (less so now, but a groom did just take a pound of lead to his grave from four shooter cops who were declared guiltless...just sayin') and a general sense that rules don't apply to the political leadership, and the whole promise behind the idea of America looked a lot like some campy bullshit from the 50's. Thus began the 70s.

[Thus began Pitt's drinking spree.]



2. I just LOVE that all these back-of-the-list states get a chance to decide the fate of the planet. Seriously. Remember last time in '04, all the bitching about so many states not getting to be involved after Super Tuesday. Well, be careful what you wish for. But it's magnificent. Give a citizen a shoven, tell them their digging will really make a difference and means they are totally involved, and they'll dig deep enough to be stopped by granite bedrock.

[Drink enough and Pitt will be stopped by granite bedrock at some point in his fall.]

Indiana changed history. NC did, too. West Virginia is next up to be the center of the world, then Kentucky and Oregon...and the last to come are Montana, South Dakota...and Puerto freakin' Rico. I don't think that island has ever swung electoral weight. Now it does. All of them bursting with Democratic voter interest, they're in this thing for real, they have two prime super-sharp rumble-ready yet historically distinctive candidates to follow. State after state has reported primary voters making choices in the booth, beause they couldn't decide between this pair of ass-kickers, and when our voters are charged up to vote like they have been since February, when turnout and new voters skyrocket, we always always always win.

[Yeah, Pitt. Why don't you tell Obama personally what a wonderful thing this primary has been for him? Perhaps he will make you his press secretary so Hillary can read all the inside Obama info fed to her on the sly.]

If this swings right in November, that enthusiasm might take root and stay a while...another midterm, a re-elected president...etc...

[A re-elected president? I guess you hit the sauce really hard last night.]

Democracy will be better for this campaign. I am grateful to Senator Clinton for staying in this long, though she is not my choice. Her staying in has given millions of Americans a piece of the best part of this national idea, which many had lost long ago in resigned surrender to the fact of their electoral irrelevance. She gave them back their participation and truest way to be a patriot actively involved to move things towards that better possibility we all know can be attained.

[Now that Hillary is safely out of the race, Pitt FINALLY declares that she wasn't his choice. Liquid fortitude in action.]

I wouldn't be at all surprised if that very ballot-borne blessing to voters, real involvement creating genuine influence, is maybe some part of the unspoken iron that has kept her on that bastard road. If so, she has done an amazing service to the country. If it is merely a consequence shaped by other motives, and not even a hidden idea anywhere in the campaign braintrust, well, it happened anyway, and she's pretty awesome for it, even by accident.

[One needs to be heavily into the sauce to even attempt to comprehend that self-contradictory word jumble.]

When Black voters turn out in monolitic numbers in every state (which they would most likely do for either candidate), it will checkmate the bloc of GOP base voters. Young voters, new voters, pissed Democrats, independents who want to shake shit up, and a large majority of erstwhile Clinton voters despite the volume of "no way" threats should Obama win through. They'll vote, most of them...and if only half vote, the slack will be picked up by a lot of folks on the Left who don't want McCain, and who see the larger social and historical context involved in a Black man becoming president.

[How about drunk voters? You left out that important voting block, Pitt.]

It cannot be avoided, and if it is achieved, we will be just a little bit better as a nation for it. Ditto on many equally important yet different social/historical levels if Clinton wins through. The descendants of less equal Americans whose lineage has ancestors who lived fettered and powerless, literally and figuratively. Society, religious fundamentalism and black-letter law saw them as dumb beasts unfit to occupy the same space as decent people, or as petticoated chattel denied books and education and doomed to the empty existence of an inanimate decoration who could breed, had no legal defense against abuse, and usually kept quiet. Women have enjoyed the right to vote for less than 100 years, Black people less than 50, generally speaking. Think about that, and then consider those two again.

[Posted Pitt between sips.]

Yeah, this is good shit. This is big.

[As big as a 1.75 liter bottle?]

And when all that enthusiasm gets released come November (having been bottled since the primary vote they cast which shool the pillars of the Earth), when Black voters and young voters and independents combine with that large swath of Dem voters from our base (union members, teachers, smart people who don't resent paying taxes because they like roads and schools and garbage getting piked up and stuff) combine with the activist base who ALWAYS love to vote

[You've obviously been enjoying more than your share of bottled enthusiasm and other substances.]

...I do believe...


...we're gonna blow the f*cking doors off McCain's bullshit bus tour. And pick up Senate seats, and House seats.

[We already know you blow the doors off Bukowski's armed with handfuls of trust fund cash.]

No promises, no sure thing, anything can happen and we're up against ghouls in blue suits who have power beyond reason or the protection of law.

[Do we have to wait for your bottle to empty for this word jumble to finally end?]

But whn voters care, they can stand up next to a mountain and chop it down with the edge of their hand.

[Stand up next to a Sock Puppet!]

Thanks, Hillary. Thanks, Barack. Try to see if you can keep it going through these last states. Montana deserves it after dumping Conrad Burns in '06, and we bomb Puerto Rico with radioactive cannonfire in practice for war, so those voters deserve to swing the bat for real contact.

[Thanks, Hillary. Thanks, Barack. Try to see if can keep draining your resources and energy faster than Pitt drains a bottle.]

Behold this slightly improved democracy, new voters, psyched voters, and a hard choice between candidates.

[Behold this completely inebriated Pitt.]

History made no matter what.

[Thus ends Pitt's intro. I guess he had to take a bathroom break. And now to hear from the rest of the DUmmies...]

Lots of money and time down the drain that Obama could have focused on swing states and McCain. No, it isn't good. Hillary has harmed the party and that shouldn't be sugar-coated. We aren't here to promote an idealistic vision of democracy and let more states vote. We're here to win an election.

[And this DUmmie can pick up his Kewpie Doll at the Bukowski's gift shop!]

Obama is swimming in cash, while McCain is pretty solidly f*cked until the convention. So strike that. Enthused, engaged voters win elections. Two birds with one stone. I'm here to promote an idealistic vision of democracy and let more states vote if possible. That's a fine purpose to dedicate a life's work to. Not even ashamed, either.

[No, Pitt. You're here to make a drunken laughingstock out of yourself.]

Swimming in cash? Please post a link showing that he's saving the money for McCain rather than being forced to spend it all in the primaries. That isn't what I've read. You remind me of first time campaign or voter registration volunteers who have to be told that the goal isn't to register everyone to vote or to encourage everyone to vote. The idea is to register and turn out voters who are likely to vote Democratic. That's how we win. That's the difference between activism to win elections and politics as a self righteous academic exercise.

[Pitt is just grandstanding in the desperate hope that his idiotic theme that the divisive Democrat primary was really a good thing will be picked up by the media. Sorry, Pitt, but Fitzmas has turned you into poison as far as the media is concerned.]

Did you notice that the DNC is bankrupt? How much money would have gone to Congressional candidates if it weren't for someone siphoning off money by refusing to admit reality?

[No! No! The divisive Democrat primary was really a good thing! Here, let me give you a party hat and some balloons so we can all celebrate the Democrats draining away all their money.]

I totally agree, too much time arguing with Hillary has hurt a lot of down ticket races already. Obama's coattails have been cut shorter, and Hillary has the scissors in her hands!! Now, she is begging poor people in West Virginia to give her campaign money WITH THEIR CREDIT CARDS!!! The first thing on Hillary's web site - "Please donate now using your credit card." How f*ckin' dispicable can one get?

[Party Pooper! Why can't you celebrate along with Pitt what a WONDERFUL thing this is that the Democrats have to waste their resources on the primary?]

No dough. And no surprises. Nothing will remain on the cupboard for the GOP to use in attacks. Everyone will have heard all of it so many times already, and already decided to do whatever afterwards, that it'll have no real impact. Plus, John is in dutch with the FEC. When we sort our business out, we'll roll him like dough. Hopefully.

[Just as certainly as Karl Rove was indicted on May 12, 2006. And how are you going to celebrate that anniversary, Pitt?]

We may still have a few more adventures between now and August 25th.

[Like when Hillary tries to seat her FL and MI delegates?]

That is exactly how this should be framed! Fabulous. F*cking Fabulous. And it really doesn't matter if she meant for it to happen for these reasons, kudos go to her and hers.

[Reality doesn't matter. All that counts is how it's framed.]

But are we burning out? Will all this enthusiasm repeat in November? Will all the Dem registration records come to naught? Will the MSM still be able to manufacture a contest?

[Don't worry. The Fitzmas Pundit has assured you that all will be well.]


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"That is exactly how this should be framed!"

Never mind reality, we'll FRAME it in the positive! Yea, that's the ticket!

9:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Billy "Pander" Pitt is such a complete blowhard and tool it's a wonder that the DUmmies haven't seen through him by now and sent him packing.

Vulgar, childish, with a wimpy grasp of the obvious, he's looking for something, someone, ANYthing to hook up with in order to aggrandize himself. A leech in search of a suck, so to speak.

As for the Primary? Well, it ain't over until Hildabeast drops out.

I the meantime, we have a pretty good handle on ol' JugEars weak points, soft spots and skeletons. He's in for a rough ride.

Anyone who thinks that the Dems are "energized" and "improved" is dreaming. They're drained, burned, and, to a large degree, embarassed. The smarter ones know that Barack is a long shot, especially since he seems to have gotten his Bitter Half to join him in a near-precise imitation of Jawn Kerry and his disastrous sow, Theresa.

Elite, effete, condescending, bitter, with a dash of corruption, antisemitism, racism, trutherism, and antiAmericanism are the Obamas...

Just exactly the sort of persons you would trust with the leadership of the free world and The United States.

Or not.

9:54 AM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

I'm writing in "anon 1:50" on my ballot, cuz that was spot on!

10:47 AM  
Blogger allie001 said...

It seems to me that pitt's long winded essays of nothingness can be classified as masterbatory...
(meaning he gets orgasmic from the constant touch of the keyboard and the clicking of the keys)

11:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...Plus, John is in dutch with the FEC....

Uh, no. Dumbocrats have put a hold on confirming FEC board nominees to block one of Bush's, thus precluding FEC having a quorum to hold meetings or rule on issues.

"We can't have our way, so we won't play!" seems to be the Dem's constant whine.

2:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, the Pittster...that post was like watching a monkey try to make lemonade, pat itself on the back, and masturbate all at the same time.

5:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"we bomb Puerto Rico with radioactive cannonfire in practice for war"


Drunken idiot doesn't know a tank from a cruiser... He needs AA.

8:35 PM  
Blogger Britt said...

Hmm..I love this "history is being made" crap. History is being made no matter who is elected.

You know, there was this guy once who had the idea, dare I say the dream of equal treatment. Something about judging someone by the "content of their character". It's a shame the Left has totally forgotten that phrase.

3:08 AM  
Blogger The Gunslinger said...

Only because they haven't the slightest idea what "character" means.

Not in their lexicon.

10:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not in their lexicon.

Not in their cognition, either.

6:04 PM  

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