Saturday, February 24, 2007

Tom Vilsack Pays The Price For Refusing To Wear The Bear

He coulda been a contendah! I am referring to Tom Vilsack. Here we had a candidate who had almost NOTHING going for him. No name recognition. No charisma. No sense of humor. And almost no personality. However, Vilsack could have been in contention had he only followed my advice to WEAR THE BEAR. Instead Vilsack followed his humorless instincts and remained earnest and deadly dull with the result that he dropped out of the presidential race on Friday. Therefore, the DUmmie FUnnies hereby transfers its endorsement to another candidate. This candidate is hampered by a running mouth and an attitude of extreme narcissism coupled by blowhard stupidity. And the candidate who meets these criteria that would normally disqualify them is none other than Joe Biden. So how can Biden fight the odds presented by his repulsive personality? Simple he needs to WEAR THE HAIR! The first thing people do when looking at Joe Biden is to check out those Chia Pet hairplugs that have sprouted on his head. Since the folks are going to stare in that direction anyways, Joe should just go with the flow and wear all sorts of extravagant and luxurious wigs. That will definitely bring him attention. A Liberace wig would be a good starter rug for Biden. As to Vilsack, few have mourned his political passing as you can see in this Daily KOs KOmmie THREAD titled, "Tommy, We Hardly Knew Ye." So let us now watch the KOmmies act less than mournful in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, again teling Joe Biden to Wear The Hair, is in the [brackets]:

Tommy, We Hardly Knew Ye

[He coulda been a contendah!]

Just two days after pissing on the third rail of Democratic primary politics by embracing price indexing for Social Security, Tom Vilsack is planning an 11 AM CST presser to withdraw from the 2008 race. Why? Money, money, money. He figured that he needed $20 million to be competitive, and he didn't think he could raise it. It's an early withdrawal, but it's a realistic decision. That said, I'm trying to remember any other candidate in the last few cycles who entered the race (as opposed to forming an exploratory committee) and then withdrew in such short order, so long before the first voting.

[You don't understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contendah. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.]

I anticipate all 17 of his supporters will flock to the Edwards campaign.

[17? That many?]

"We have everything to win the nomination and general election. Everything except money."

[Gee, Tom. I thought the wuuuunderful McCain-Feingold Campaign Finance "Reform" law was going to get rid of the influence of big money on poltical campaigns.]

Word is that Vilsack has been after the VP or Cabinet post all along.

[WEAR THE BEAR at a cabinet meeting.]

He was polling at around 14% in Iowa

[A good showing in the home state of a deadly dull candidate.]

but his hair piece looks shiny.

[Sayeth the KOmmie analyzing Biden's Chia Pet hair.]

We won't have Tom Vilsack to kick around any more.

[But we still have his Winnie the Pooh bear to kick around lots more.]

I'm dropping out for the 2012 race. I've only raised $2.49 and a donut so far and I don't think I'll have enough cash by then.

[Is that you, Bill Richardson?]

Universal Hair Care. He would have swept the primaries.Why did he quit?

[Because Vilsack realized that Joe Biden has the monopoly on the Universal Hair Care issue.]

I'm despondent, too, over the $ issue. Incredible! That we're supposed to be the greatest Democracy on the face of the earth and a serious, well-qualified candidate drops out of the race because of the MONEY it takes to conduct a campaign?!!! This is SICK!

Don't you just love how the McCain-Feingold law is working out?]

For the love of Gawd, when the hell are we going to get the damned money machine out of the primaries? This is ridiculous, people. How on earth are we supposed to get a diverse field if the game is limited to those who have the biggest fund-raising machine? Vilsack wasn't on my personal short list, but he's interesting and worth considering. To have him drop out this early just because of funding is completely obscene in my book. Can we PLEASE get public financing of campaigns????

[We already do!]

Please let Biden be next.


if he had won Iowa, it wouldn't have mattered. Like John Edwards winning NC, or Obama winning Illinoi.

[Except Edwards did NOT win NC in 2004.]

Vilsack - not bad, a little creepy in a stalinist/mussolini kind of way. Not sure why. Something about big bold icons like that creep me out.

[Maybe its Vilsack's utter lack of humor that turned you off.]

What I'll miss most about Vilsack's candidacy...was the free popcorn that he had at the DNC winter meetings.

[FREE POPCORN? Wow! What a big spender!]

Now even more than ever, am hoping for Gore to jump in.

[Algore would be a breath of hot air.]

I enjoyed his liveblog on Kos a couple of weeks ago and was thrilled with his response to my question...Will you be at Yearly Kos this August? He said yes, as he was last year.

[Vilsack is hoping to take a dip in the chocolate fountain again.]

one thing I will miss the AFLAC/Vilsack duck from the Daily Show. That was funny.

[I'm sort of partial towards the Winnie the Pooh hat doll myself.]

Vilsack's whining about money was pretty annoying, I thought. If he had done or said anything to get anyone interested in his campaign, he could have raised money.

[Vilsack could have had money pouring into his campaign had he only decided to Wear The Bear.]

Hillary and her thugs suck all the oxygen out of politicking. No one is able to amass the monies her machine does. And he/she with the most money wins. Is this fair? My sympathies to Vilsack.

[McCain-Feingold was supposed to cure all that. Remember?]

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Blogger Capitalist Infidel said...

I only have two words.......Tom who?

1:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, Tom can't be accused of not being true to his core principles - dull, uninspired, and basically not enough ideas to fill a summer camper's letter home.

Biden does have the, ummmm, 'virtue' that he won't run out of ideas as long as anyone else has one he can steal. Of course even the Dimmest of Dimocrats (excepting Joe himself) knows his chances are roughly the same as those of the Titanic bobbing to the surface tomorrow.

1:53 PM  

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