Friday, October 13, 2006

DUmmies Celebrate November Election Victory...In October

It's all over folks. The Democrats have WON bigtime in the November congressional elections. All the polls keep telling us that and everyone knows that those pre-election polls are almost as accurate as election day exit polls. Kerry won in a landslide according to those exit polls so the Democrats must also win big according to only slightly less scientific polls. On top of that, the media pundits are telling us that the November elections have already been decided so you might as well not even vote in November. As a result, the DUmmies are already jubilantly celebrating their tremendous November election victory as you can see in this THREAD triumphantly titled, "BREAKING--New House polls show looming Democratic landslide." Never before have I seen so much gloating pre-election victory celebrations as I have seen this year. It wouldn't surprise me if Susan Estrich is already drunk as a skunk slurping down her victory champagne. So let us now watch the DUmmies celebrate their November victory in October in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, congratulating the DUmmies on their big win in the polls, is in the [brackets]:

BREAKING--New House polls show looming Democratic landslide

[WHEEE!!! I will break out the same bubbly that I drank to celebrate the Karl Rove indictment on May 12.]

Based on 63 polls of 48 districts of 1,000 likely voters each, they will show Democrats currently ahead in the House by 19 seats, 224-205, or the exact, 19-seat margin of the Republican Majority after the 2002 elections. It is also a significant increase from the 219-214 seat lead for Democrats
found in the Majority Watch polling from late August and early September.

[Based on the 2004 exit polls we must always play Hail to the Chief whenever President Kerry enters the room.]

This 19-seat lead will not even include seven competitive, Republican-held districts that are currently being polled, and six districts that are currently tied. In fact, perhaps most stunningly, the districts with "safe" leads outside the margins of error break 217-198 in favor of Democrats. The previous set of polls actually showed Republicans ahead on
safe seats, 205-199. Further, since TX-22 was not polled, that means Democrats already have the magic 218, outside the margin of error, with between 19 and 26 more races in the "toss-up" category. This is a looming landslide.

[A looming landslide is always so much better that an actual landslide. And now to hear from the celebrating DUmmies.]

Holy crap......I hope this holds.....

[Have no fear. These poll results are just as accurate as the 2004 exit poll results.]

oh those poor republicans thinking they would never-ever fall...

[We've failed, the polls.]

Everyone knows the polls can't be trusted ever since 2004. Trust Diebold. I love all this good news but I'm severely burned by election fraud and I have no faith that we can prevent it again. They'll do whatever they need to do to keep control of the houses. But I'll gratefully be wrong on this.

[Have no fear. It's a done deal. You can vote on November 8 confident that you are casting your ballot for winners.]

DON'T BELIEVE THESE POLLS! Please, please, don't. We need to fight like it is the last fight of our lives...because it may well be. There is another poll posted on DU tonight showing a Senate split of 49D, 49R and 2I...and if anyone thinks Joe is really I, they're nuts. He's as independent as McCain. Unless there is a twenty point lead, I'm not buying any of this shit. They'll still steal it, but I think now they're focusing on the much easier Senate least they can always get Cheney in to break all the ties for the GOP...if there ARE any ties, because we regularly have over a dozen traitors willing to suck off Bush every time.

[Relax, relax. You can believe these polls. It's all over. Enjoy your November victory in October. Why wait?]

I tend to agree with you...... As much as I don't trust it now, we ALL know anything can happen and elections can be rigged. But I get sooooooooooooooo tired of negativism and nay-saying. That gets me down more than the Rethugs do sometimes. It's true, we can't rely on polls too heavily, but it's nice to see that there's a little hope and it's nice to see that there are at least some Americans waking the hell up out of their comas. We need to keep working our asses off up through the elections, take a break, and then working them off again to get the Dems in line and prepare for '08. And you're right, it's paying off.

[You need to work your asses off, take a break, and then celebrate in this month.]

And pre-election polls three weeks before Election Day are not "tangible results"; they're nothing. The only tangible results people should be concerned about are those the day after Election Day.

[The only tangible results are what Diebold reports.]

Ok folks, time to stop working and caring, and go home!! This election is pretty much ours!

[That's the right spirit!]

I am absolutely scared shitless about some last minute dirty trick or the rotten macihnes taking this from us AGAIN

[Have no fear, little one. It's a DONE DEAL. Diebold will see to that.]

Even if we lose due to Diebold, We have the people with us. Our movement is growing.

[Wear your Guy Fawkes masks when stepping into the voting booths.]

Polls look good, but... Kerry's did, too. Not ready to pop any champagne just yet.

[No, no! Pop open that champagne now and CELEBRATE. You already won according to the polls.]

I'm SURE that most of the Repug money right now is being spent on organizing ways to prevent potential D voters to vote in Nov. ANY method they could think of.

[Dirty tricks like checking to see if the prospective voter is a citizen or isn't voting twice.]

This is great news, but remember that they could be f*cking with the polls, too. We still need to make sure EVERYONE goes out to vote, and make sure NO ONE says, ah, the Dems got it, I don't need to get out there and vote.

[Almost all the media pundits such as Chris Matthews are already saying, "Ah, the Dems got it." So no need for urgency. The pundits are NEVER wrong.]

Taking bets that the GOP will hold onto the Congress and Senate. Any takers? IMHO the election has already been decided. The voting machines are in place.

[ALL your Diebold machines belong to US!]

Good Lord, I can't wait for Nov 8th...

[Be sure to wake up bright and early and vote right away on Nov 8th.]

any bets there is a last minute republican landslide courtesy of Diebold

[Are you offering quinella, trifecta, and perfecta bets?]

If we "storm the Bastille" with votes, know we did, and they blithely nullify them and declare victory... will we... MUST we... storm the Bastille for real? Whatever that might mean.

[It means you need to check out the Dollar Stores for the post-Halloween Guy Fawkes costume sales.]

The question in their minds has to be is "by what percentage do we set the machines to flip the vote?".

[Three percent sounds like a good number but I could live with ten percent.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

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Blogger Shandalear said...

I never get tired of seeing that picture.

8:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awww. Fat girl have a boo-boo? Or did perv in background try to feel her up?

10:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What an f'd up life some people have. I remember being bummed about Clinton (twice), but that's about as far as it went. I had a life to live. What the DUmmies don't get is that they would have a better shot at winning elections with IDEAS than with conspiracy theories and allegations of stolen elections. But then again, thinking can be hard work, sometimes!

9:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a Canadian and you are our neighbors and friends. Thank you America for freedom, democracy and putting the these tyrants in Washington who tried to destroy it out on there heads. Congrats to your Democrat majority. And to the true patriots of America who love thier country and care about the future of their troops, Iraq, and the planet. We doff our hats! and say " God Bless America" Its time for the deep wounds to heal...

6:51 AM  

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