Tuesday, January 11, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 01-11-05 ("Message from Chris Heinz")

When I first saw this DUmmie THREAD titled “Message from Chris Heinz,” I figured the MESSAGE must be something of great import. I half expected to see something like an Astronaut Dave Bowman type exclamation from 2010 when he declared, “My God! It's full of stars!” Instead I came upon a completely mundane statement by the freeloading Chris that he supports someone named Simon Rosenberg for the DNC Chair. So why would that parasitic rich boy even bother to publicly support some obscure guy for the DNC Chair? To find the answer to this one must think back to the 2004 Campaign when Chris, while under the influence of a bit too much fermented juice, drunkenly declared that Jews in the USA have too much influence on politics. Couple that statement with the fact the sobriety challenged one also wants to become a congressman after a lifetime of carefully avoiding real work. Therefore in order to pathetically try to make amends for his drunken slur, Trust Fund Chris makes a point to loudly declare his support for some little known fellow with a Jewish sounding name to become Chair of the DNC. All that money that Prep Boy Chris has been surrounded by since birth has shielded him from the reality that his OBVIOUS ploy just isn’t going to work. Sorry, Chris, but your own past will come back to haunt you if you are ever dumb enough to run for Congress. So let us now lead off with the “all-important” message from Chris Heinz followed by statements from his fellow DUmmies. As usual the DUmmie (which includes Heinz) postings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, holding a breathalyzer at the ready, is in the [brackets]:

Hi Folks,

I have been watching the debate over DNC Chair here at DU for some time. I agree with the assessment that it is the most important that Dems will make over the next two years. I also understand and respect that many here support Gov. Dean's effort. I cannot blame them, given the innovative leadership his campaign for Presidency brought to the party, and because of the efficacy of his term as head of DGA.

[Hi Chris! So if you like Dean so much why not just support him for the DNC Chair? Oops! I forgot! You have to make amends for your drunken campaign trail slur. So now just go ahead an slip in your not so subtle political ploy…]

Some of you may have seen that I am supporting Simon Rosenberg for chair. A link to my statement can be found here:


[Okay let me check out your statement: “"ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS EXCEPT EUROPA. ATTEMPT NO LANDINGS THERE. USE THEM TOGETHER. USE THEM IN PEACE." OOPS! I overestimated you, Chris. Actually you issued a rather forgettable statement so as to, hopefully, make us forget your drunken slur last Fall.]

I think the statement speaks for itself. Simon is someone that I have seen put a lot of energy and thought to the long term strategy necessary to rebuild the party. Indeed, I have seen many post noting that he shares many of the same ideas of the Governor, whom I greatly respect and got to know a little after the primary.

[The funniest part of that link was this description of you: “Five prominent Democratic leaders joined the growing list of supporters of Simon Rosenberg in his race to become Chairman of the DNC. Endorsing today are some of the most important emerging national leaders of the Party, including: Chris Heinz, Bronx, NY Borough President Adolfo Carrion, Georgia State Labor Commissioner Michael Thurmond, Deleware State Treasurer Jack Markell and Kentucky State Treasurer Jonathan Miller.” Chris Heinz is a “prominent Democratic leader?” Sorry, Chris, but your sole qualification for being a Democrat leader is that you lived through birth and inherited a vast fortune.]

Anyhow, I would just say two things:

[We’re waiting with bated breath for your Prominent Democrat Leader voice from the Aspen mountaintop to enlighten us peons.]

1) My endorsement is not a signal from John Kerry, my stepfather, who I think has very responsibly removed himself from influencing the process.

[“I supported Simon Rosenberg before I didn’t support him.”]

2) I have seen many people note policy disagreements with some who are running for the Chair. The war in Iraq is a particularly pointed issue here (it is for me, too), as is a woman's right to choose. These are valid data points. Personally, I am less concerned about the DNC chair's own policy positions, and more concerned about the blocking and tackling we need to improve to win in the future.

[Blocking and tackling? Is this the DNC Chair or the NFL Chair?]

I'd love to hear people's thoughts about point 2.

[Yeah. Just what were you drinking when you came up with that dopey sports analogy?]

In the end, however, maybe some combination of leadership is best. In the meantime, I am very excited about the prospect of Simon's leadership.

[In the end, however, maybe it would have been better to have just kept your mouth shut and play with your Trust Fund bucks.]

Best to DU,


[Best to you, Chris. Let us know when you find a REAL job instead of awkwardly playing sandbox politics.]

I don't even know who Simon Rosenberg is And I don't even have the motivation to find out.

[Neither did I until I Googled him. Apparently Rosenberg has a high opinion of himself. Here is a sample unhumble statement: “I come out of the media world—I’ve produced shows [for ABC]—and I helped create Clintonism from a policy standpoint in 1992.”]

He is the chairman of the New Democrtic Network. The WSJ also is rallying behind him. With all do respect to Chris Heinz, no thanks. More of the same what got us here.

[But Prominent Democrat Leader, Chris Heinz, is supporting Rosenberg. That should be good enough for you.]

Gee, I hardly wait to go to work for Mr Rosenberg. Or maybe I could work directly for the GOP, and save going through the middleman?

[Good idea. My lawn needs mowing. Oh, and don’t forget to rake the leaves.]

I would have to hear that Rosenberg intends to expose the GOP control of most of the media nd most of the voting machines. Those are the only two reasons that the GOP maintains its stranglehold on government.

[The GOP definitely controls most of the media and the voting machines…..in an alternate universe.]

I hope Kerry enjoyed his Christmas party talking with schmucks like Dennis Miller when we the base haven't seen him anywhere since he went back on his word and conceded.

[I beg to differ. I saw Kerry snowboarding down an Idaho slope while Chris Heinz was roasting his chestnuts back at the lodge. But let us hear from Prominent Democrat Leader, Chris Heinz, again…]

Well, I cant believe that this gets pen. I was at the party too. It is held every year. JK has known Maria for 30 years. And I havent seen it mentioned anywhere that Bruce Springsteen, Rob Reiner and alot of other committed Dems were there too.

[Was Babs at the party too? Huh? Huh? Huh? We love reading how you are hanging out with the glitterati, Chris.]

That's all well and good but you have to start understanding how we the base, the ones who phone banked, donated money, got as many people to register as possible felt when Kerry conceded hours after John Edwards step out to say they will fight for every vote. Many here have had enough with this corrupt system. We want real leadership. We want people with guts and a voice to step up and call voting fraud, FRAUD! Many of the leaders that have our party in this mess need to start emulating the actions of John Conyors.

[You lousy peon! How dare you talk to Prominent Democrat Leader, Chris Heinz, that way? Anyway, let us hear from the Prominent Democrat Leader again…]

I know that's how some people feel. I do. At the same time, I didn't exactly nap through the election. I consider myself and my opinion as part of the base's too.

[Oh, don’t be so modest, Chris. A billion bucks says you are BETTER than the rabble.]

With all due respect...you may be part of the 'base'...but you're also one of the 'haves' and most of the base consists of the 'have-nots'. When was the last time you had to go without healthcare? When was the last time you had a hard time paying the mortgage or make a choice between paying a bill or buying prescriptions?

[It will happen in the year 2525 when Chris’s trust funds are due to run out.]

With respect, since Simon Rosenberg isn't exactly a household name, I will study. However, support from the WSJ is a grand negative for me.

[Hmm…Let us allow Prominent Democrat Leader, Chris Heinz, address that “grand negative.”]

Support from WSJ Ed Pages is not a bonus for any Dem. How can I argue that?

[That’s the SUM TOTAL of your defense of Simon Rosenberg? “How can I argue with that?” Perhaps you better take another swig of the silly sauce, Chris, and a real answer might marinate somewhere in your brain cells.]

I feel that policy is very important to those willing to put leather to the pavement .

[A DUmmie proposes that policy is important and now Chris Heinz will attempt to reply…]

Policy is very important. It will drive our energy for change. I just dont think the personal policy positions of the DNC Chair are as importnat as his or her ability to organize and bring folks together. At the end of the day, I believe the Chair should be a facilitator for Candidates and their positions, but not a candidate himself. From personal experience, I think Simon would excel at that. He gave me very precient advise about our efforts on capturing young voters in this election.

[The marinating brain cells of Chris Heinz have just produced a gaggle of buzz words.]

I would prefer a direct straight talker who has populous appeal rather than a policy wonk consultant for the corporate class. The fact that he advised the Kerry campaign about appealing to the youth vote--which turned out to be a no-show...well...

[Hey, those MTV kids had to rest up for their Rave club all-nighters. It was too much to expect them to wait more than 15 minutes on a poll line. But let us now hear Prominent Democrat Leader, Chris Heinz, give us the benefit of his sage wisdom on this topic…]

Have to disagree with you on the Youth Vote we won it 54 – 44. voter turnout in 2000 for ages 18-29 was 41.9%. voter turnout in 2004 for ages 18-29 was 52%. In battlegrounds, turnout was 64%, above the national average in 2000, but slightly below overall turnout (68%)

[Yeah, and you also won Ohio too, right?]

A question for you Chris. Is there a particular reason that you are not supporting Dean for this?

[Because Dean can’t help Chris to divert attention away from his “anti-semantic” moment last Fall while blabbering under the influence. And speaking about blabbering, time now for Chris to blabber once again…]

I dont think you or I need a change in allegiance. And I didn't come on the board to change minds. Honestly. Just to explain myself so Simon's announcement wouldnt exist in a vacuum. I got to know and enjoy Gov Dean personally over the last year. I respect him very much, not something I would have said on the eve of the Caucus last year. hopefully both will have meaningful roles going forward. Indeed, it may not be Simon's time now. I have no idea. But I am proud to support his bid and I am certain he is a great, if underappreciated, backstage leader of the party whose best days are ahead of him.

[So it doesn’t really matter whether or not Rosenberg becomes DNC Chair. What really matters is that you showed the flag in your support of him in a craven attempt to make things right about your slur of last Fall.]

"Rosen-who?" Nutshells this bad idea nicely. Does Howard Dean get no credit at all for the grass roots energy he's brought back to this party? Sheeesh. Ungrateful f**ers.

[Before you go off the deep end, let us hear on this subject from Prominent Democrat Leader, Chris Heinz…]

You can do better than that. Ungrateful f*#kers?

[How about “Drunken Rich Brat?”]

Chris, is Simon interested in the DNC using ranked voting ballots and holding all primaries on the same day?

[I personally can’t stand the smell of rank voting ballots but let us hear how Prominent Democrat Leader, Chris Heinz, feels…]

I cannot answer that. Simon is in favor of clean elections, though I believe the leadership on this issue should originate in Congress and at the state level. I have thought alot about the primary calendar issue recently, and I must say that one thing that scares me about single day primaries is that I believe it would allow the media even more ability to drive the outcome. It would lesson the amount of real voter contact, Q&As, etc, that candidates are forced to give because of the scale of New Hampshire and Iowa contests. Also, to run nationally upfront in the primaries would cost even more money, and could lesson the abilitiy of upstarts/underfunded candidates to win. just some thoughts.

[Simon is in favor of clean elections? How controversial! Is he also in favor of apple pie? Anyway, thanks for the political science “lesson,” Chris.]

ATTN CHRIS: A question for YOU, please. What I am wondering.....Why NOT Howard Dean????

Because Dean won’t help Chris in his attempt to make people overlook the fact that he dissed the Juden last Fall. But let us allow Prominent Democrat Leader, Chris Heinz, answer the question…]

I like Dean. You wont see me bitching and moaning if he gets the job. Personally, I would love to have a young, visionary person in charge. Especially one of Simon's caliber.

[Shlomo Finkelstein is up for the job. Never heard of him either, Chris, but his name alone might help you overcome your “little problem” if Rosenberg bails out.]

I really want to understand as I believe you have insight to the workings of certain circles. I'm not being flip, but are you saying that you would choose Rosenberg over Dean because Rosenberg is younger and more visionary than Dean? I think we have all given you lots of reasons Rosenberg would not be our first pick. I want to understand why Dean would NOT be your 1st choice.

[Perhaps Dean would be okay with Chris if the Vermont Doc adopted his wife’s maiden name. But Dean is too Waspy of a name to do Chris any good in overcoming his running at the mouth problem. Now speak, Chris, speak…]

I dont think that it is smart for me to do in a public forum. Sorry, I have seen my posts refectled elsewhere on conservative blogs. But for the life of me, Duers, I am for Simon Rosenberg, not AGAINST Howard Dean.

[Your posts get reflected on conservative blogs? Now where would you get a crazy idea like that, Chris? Hee! Hee!]


Post a Comment

<< Home