Thursday, January 24, 2013

"I think today should be 'William Pitt Appreciation Day'"

 
William Rivers Pitt, sitting on the porch of Mother Pitt's cabin in the woods

William Rivers Pitt has been on a roll lately. He's been invigorated by Obozo's victory, and emboldened by the big push for gun control. So much so, that lately William has gone into Internet Tough Guy mode. Wee Willie has been talking SMACK to the imaginary Secondment Amendment supporters he's been addressing, and he has them literally shaking in their imaginary boots.

We take you back to this past Saturday, when Mr. Pitt was in his cups and feeling especially feisty and in high DUdgeon. William posted several tough-guy rants against gun owners and other conservatives. And of course this won Pied Piper Pitt plaudits from his adoring DUmmieland followers, as we will see in this THREAD, "I think today should be 'William Pitt Appreciation Day.'"

But first we'll give you the Pitt posts that led up to that point. So let us now go to Pied Piper Pitt playing Internet Tough Guy, in Righteous Anger Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, laughing at the thought of Wee Willie ever trying to be a REAL tough guy, is in the [brackets]:

OK, we will, you benightened backwards dumbass bitty-d*ck sh*thead. . . .

[Tough Guy Pitt is talking SMACK to the gun owner in this photo, who is holding a banner that has a picture of a gun and the words "Come and take it":]


[Of course Pitt is in Boston, and the gun owner is in Austin, which is why Pitt can talk so tough. I doubt Wee Willie would say that to the guy's face. Although, you know, "Snake" Pitt did look pretty tough, didn't he, a few years back, when he modeled his "Midnight Cowboy" outfit:]


Asshole.

[Said the Masshole.]

[OK, so Pitt has talked tough to a guy 2,000 miles away who can't hear him, and wouldn't care anyway, but this establishes some cred for the Pied Piper with his fellow DUmmies. They respond . . .]

+1000

[No, it's actually closer to +2000 miles that Pitt has between him and the gun owner, which enables William to take the guy on.]

Two words: Predator drone. The gummint's got those. If they actually want his big-ass, d*ck-substitute gun, they can take it without breaking a sweat.

[Three words: Internet Tough Guy. DUmmie The Velveteen Ocelot wants to show that he is one too.]

a lot of these keyboard-warrior Freeper types with arsenals . . . think of themselves as heroic freedom fighters and Defenders of Liberty; but I think we know that they would poop their Army-surplus camouflage pants if they ever had to use their big-ass gun to shoot at anything but a paper target. . . .

[I would like to see Pied Piper Pitt come and try to take their guns away. I think we'd have to call him Peed Pooper Pitt.]

Molon libe

[Pitt misspells "Molon labe," which is a Greek rallying cry, "Come, take!" that gun owners use. But Pitt doesn't know how to spell it, and he has to be corrected. Pitt then makes an excuse for his ignorance . . .]

I've been libe-ing for a while now, so the typo makes sense.

[In other words, Pitt says, I've been drinking too many libations, so I don't have to make sense.]

I dare the gun nuts to show us an example where having guns helped fight off the oppressor.

[Mmm, let's see. . . . How about the American Revolution?]

If government agents can just hysterically screech "emergency!" (real or fabricated) as grounds to ignore people's rights, down a dangerous path that leads.

[LOUSY FREEPER GUN NUT!!!]

hey 'guns across america' F*** YOU

[The Internet Tough Guys are coming out of the woodwork!]

now I know that having a small penis is dangerous.

[Do you really think Wee Willie is "dangerous"?? Deranged, maybe, but not dangerous.]

". . .take it from my cold, dead fingers. . ." Happy to oblige, motherf***er.

[Being an Internet Tough Guy in DUmmieland means a liberal use of the "f" word . . . and then staying in the basement, where it's safe.]

"We are not curtailing your rights. We are curtailing your hobby." I read that somewhere on DU, and it says it all.

["We" Willie Pitt wants to curtail your "hobby" called the Second Amendment.]

Rationalize it all you like, but you are still telling law-abiding Americans that when they wake up the morning after the ban passes, they are going to have fewer rights and freedoms than they had the previous day. That's why I have to call bullsh*t on your premise, even as you try to belittle a right into a "hobby". . . .

[DUmmie derby378, you have the right to keep and bear . . . a Kewpie Doll! Congratulations! . . . Mr. Pitt is not so appreciative, though . . .]

My f***ing hero. You're losing the argument. Comprehensively. Bone up on your coping skills. You're going to need them. In the meantime, whatever you do, please don't go f*** yourself. It would be a bitter shame if you went and f***ed yourself. So don't. F*** yourself, I mean.

[Pitt, how can derby378 be "losing the argument," when you're not even MAKING an argument??  You call "We're curtailing your hobby" an ARGUMENT?? Look, an argument is not just the automatic "f"-wording of anything the other person says!]


F*** the NRA.

[I've had enough of this.]

F*** THE GUN NUTTERS.

[Oh, shut up! I'm going on to the next thread . . .]

I think today should be "William Pitt Appreciation Day"

[Sorry, "William Pitt Appreciation Day" is May 12, in honor of that day in 2006 when Journalist Pitt broke an earth-shattering "scoop," which went something like this: "Karl Rove has been indicted, and even though no one knows about it yet--except for a couple of us insiders, of course--it will all be revealed within 24 business hours. Trust me on this, people!"]

I know, you're saying that every day should be called that. . . .

[We here at DUmmie FUnnies agree. Over the 12 years of DUmmieland and the 8+ years of the DUFUs, taking into account factors of longevity, consistency, and high-profile prominence, NO ONE has made a bigger laughingstock of himself than William Rivers Pitt.]

but I gotta hand it to Mr. Pitt. He is on fire today. It's almost like the gun appreciators have super charged his key board.

[I think someone super-charged his firewater.]

BIG FAN!!! of Will Pitt here!!

[Is that you, Mother Pitt?]

My favorite DU'er for starters.

[My favorite DU'er for satires.]

He is tenacious. . . .

[And bibacious.]

He is always here. . . .

[Kind of like a herpes virus, always ready to break out.]

Get 'em Will! F*** those f***ing f***ers! F***ing A.

[Spoken like the Pittster himself! To whom we now turn . . .]

It is a quiet Saturday night. . . .

[Till Pitt opened his yap.]

and a segment of the nation is celebrating lethal weaponry a month after 20 children were slaughtered in a hail of gunfire, and two days from now a Black Democrat who never served in the military will swear the oath for his second term as President. . . .

[And the day after that, a sick segment of the population will celebrate 40 years of the legal extermination of over 55 million children in the holocaust of abortion, which that same Democrat President supports.]

It is a quiet Saturday night . . . and a segment of the nation is celebrating lethal weaponry a month after 20 children were slaughtered in a hail of gunfire, and two days from now a Black Democrat who never served in the military will swear the oath for his second term as President of the United States in defiance of 400 ruthless years of history, and a bunch of hostages are dead in an Algerian bloodbath, and it appears we will survive the debt ceiling fiasco and maybe cobble together meaningful immigration reform that won't punish people for being brown, and no one knows where or when the next drone strike will happen or why, and a dear friend is in the hospital after suffering a catastrophic brain injury, but while we assumed he was lost he decided to be found and came out of it to our collective joy, and the seas are rising and the storms are worsening, but more people seem to be realizing that we are passengers here and not owners, and there is so much bad but so much good . . . and in ten weeks. . . .

[And in ten weeks, I might think about ending this sentence. . . .]

and in ten weeks. . . .

[Would those be ten business weeks or ten regular weeks?]

and in ten weeks, I am going to be a father. . . .

[Lord help us all! The world awaits the arrival of William Streams Pitt, aka Wee-er Willie.]

I am not afraid.  I just want to do it right in the midst of this astonishing maelstrom. I don't know how to do that, but I will figure it out.

[Ask Know-it-all Nadin. She's an expert on maelstroms. Probably femaelstroms, too.]

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.


[Thank you, Robert Frosty Mug.]


[The woods are lovely from where I sit,
Here at the cabin of Mother Pitt.
And as you know, I must admit:
Most all I say is full of sh*t.]

[The DUmmies reply . . .]

Your words bring my tears, my dear Will. . . .

[CaliforniaPeggy is verklempt.]

Mazel tov to you and your wife.

[I think the one whose mazel needs to be tov is Pitt's kid.]

Nobody knows what they are doing when that little, squirmy, pink little person is placed in their arms.

[Why are you talking about Nadin Brzezinski?]

we will all welcome a brand new liberal into the fold.

[Wouldn't it be FUnnie if Pitt's kid rebels and grows up to be a CONSERVATIVE? Peeved Papa Pitt! Hee! Hee!]

9 Comments:

Blogger Skul said...

"and in ten weeks, I am going to be a father. . . ."
Wilburrrr, you sly dog. I didn't know your fist was pregnant.

"we will all welcome a brand new liberal into the fold."
Just like Teddy Turners, kid.

Now quietly waiting for troggyboy to make a point.



8:33 PM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

"Pitt, how can derby378 be "losing the argument," when you're not even MAKING an argument?? You call "We're curtailing your hobby" an ARGUMENT?? Look, an argument is not just the automatic "f"-wording of anything the other person says!" - humble guest correspondent Charles Henrickson

Now you know one of the biggest reasons why Troglaman is The Sick Perverted Clone of William Rivers Pitt.

9:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, Mr J are you sure Pitt and Troggy are not one and the same? Have they ever been seen at the same place and the same time?

9:27 PM  
Blogger Skul said...

Now, guys, troggyboy may be delayed because of his molestation of his "supposed", grand-children.
As you know, the pointless-wonder always puts his sexual fantasies before all other endeavores.
No wonder his children and grandchilden have such a silent hatred for the lad.

11:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

has he mentioned how many days he's been smoke free?

10:20 AM  
Anonymous KayInMaine said...

NOW I KNOW HOW HITLER FELT! I WANT TO PUT ALL TEABAG REPUKES IN THE OVENS! ONCE MY BARAK HAS COMPLETE CUNTROL THATS WHAT WELL DO!

*SPIT*

4:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kayinsane should realize that once "her barak" has complete cuntrol [sic], the insane ones will be the first ones to go.

1:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kayinmaine
so insane
she had to say it again

(I claim artistic license since I don't have a rhyming dictionary)

8:35 AM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

Anonymous said...

Hey, Mr J are you sure Pitt and Troggy are not one and the same? Have they ever been seen at the same place and the same time?


After viewing the Feb 6, 2013 entry on this blog, you may be right Anonymous....perhaps Troglaman The Guttersnipe is not just The Sick Perverted Clone of William Rivers Pitt, he may in fact BE William Rivers Pitt.

12:53 AM  

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