Tuesday, March 31, 2009

DUmmies Debate ShamWow Guy

Here is another example of how you can become a successful LOUSY FREEPER TROLL by safely building up your post count in DUmmieland. Just post on an interesting non-political topic such as this DUmmie THREAD, "Shamwow guy's handywork." Unless you reach the magic 1000 posts in DUmmieland you will remain under perpetual suspicion of being a LFT. However, if you stick your neck out and post on the political threads, your chances of giving yourself away are much greater than if you post on non-political topics such as about Vince the Shamwow guy. Your humble correspondent finds this topic fascinating. I mean, what the hell was going thru the mind of the Shamwow Guy? I mean, he is already famous as a TV pitchman so why can't he make use of that fame to pick up chicks? Is Vince's personality so horrid that he has to pay for hookers? Inquiring minds would like to know so let us now watch the DUmmies debate the arrest of the Shamwow guy in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if Vince will soon be pitching condoms that can also work as can openers, is in the [brackets]:

Shamwow guy's handywork

[The hooker wasn't wowed by Vince's sham pitch.]

Someone will be in here to talk about how he was the victim with the standard 'what about teh menz" victimhood stuff.

[I guess it could have been worse for Vince. Imagine if the hooker chomped down on something even more sensitive than his tongue.]

What would *you* do if someone had *your* tongue clamped down in their teeth and wouldn't let go?

[Call 911?]

I wouldn't try to buy a woman, since I don't believe in the whole sexual exploitation thing.

[Ben Burch only purchases men.]

If you bite someone's tongue and refuse to let go, how did she think he was going to react? I mean, she ought to be getting some assault charges slapped on her, too. What he did was self-defense. Of course, I think he should get charged for picking up a hooker, but that psycho bitch needs to do some time for such a sick crime.

[And Vince needs some counseling for even thinking of sticking his tongue in her mouth. Did he ever stop to think where her mouth was just that night alone?]

Um no it is believeable that he punched her to get his tongue back and yes Vince is stupid to a) be picking up hookers and b) be sticking his tongue in their mouths.

[Did he use a ShamWow to absorb those disgusting body fluids?]

Of course, everyone is going to assume that the male celebrity is telling the truth and the cheap street whore bitch slut got what she deserved.

[Actually she was an expensive street whore bitch. She cost Vince a thousand bucks. How many ShamWows can that buy?]

His fists could reach every place on her face that was hit. There were no fist hits to her mouth which is what I would expect if the hits were post biting and he was free to hit her anywhere. They are all on her eyes nose and upper face.

[CSI DUmmie.]

Maybe but I think Shammy guy did them with a right jab close in. that hit her in the eye and continued across the nose.


Who knows but you don't have the right to maim someone by biting off their tongue

[Is that you, John Wayne Bobbitt?]

Biting someone's tongue off is a serious assault..

[Except in the upper peninsula of Michigan where it is classified as a misdemeanor.]

She's got blood in her hair!


Fact is, he laid into her like a punk. Unless there's more, I'd rule $100,000 + plus her meds.

[Plus a lifetime supply of ShamWows.]

$750 for a room? Do I have that right?

[Holiday Inn was booked up that night.]

Art Deco places like the Tides on Ocean Blvd are extremely expensive. What hotel was it in by the way?

[The Quickie Hour hotel.]

I've been there just a few times but the thing that stuck with me most was the drive cross the causeway from the barrier strand into Miami at night. It seemed to put Miami in a whole new light as a dazzling, cosmopolitan city. I was very impressed.

[A title shot from "Miami Vice."]

Right now I'm unemployed again but I'm still looking at jobs located down there if any open up.

[You can always pitch ShamWows down here. I was at the Dania Marine Flea Market last Sunday and there had to be at least a dozen ShamWow pitch people there.]

I'm often jealous of people who live in Florida, especially in the summertime, when the skies fill with thunderclouds in the afternoon. It's very beautiful there in summer. The sky especially. And all the snowbirds have vacated and the beaches aren't as crowded.

[I hear ya! I love those afternoon thundershowers in the summer. Temperature drops at least 10 degrees and the rain is refreshing. Then you can use a ShamWow to dry your car off.]

I'm thinking Nancy Grace will want to do a 2-hour Panel show on this one.

[Nancy Grace: A Sham minus the Wow.]

assuming she did bite him he most likely pushed her away and then went on to beat her.


he was able to hit her on her mouth while she was biting his tongue ?

[And chew gum at the same time?]


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Me sham wow you long time sailor.

Everyone Sham Wow tonight!

* Easily removes cola, wine and blood evidence
* Doesn't drip, doesn't make a mess when you leave the scene of a crime.
* Washes, dries, and polishes any corpse surfaces
* Won't scratch skin off any surface
* Machine washable and bleachable after you get home
* Lasts ten years in the ground so bury it deep.

5:23 AM  
Anonymous MAS1916 said...

The original ShamWow guy would run General Motors better than Obama would. Where did he go? Did BO arrange a little visit beetween Vince and ACORN?

12:19 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"The original ShamWow guy would run General Motors better than Obama would." MAS1916


Now what do we do? Shoot our AK40's in the air?

You crazy fuckers are pathetic.

The special election in NYS is going well, isn't it?

Toast. 20 point lead for the RepubliDUms weeks ago. Dead heat now.

The people love you guys.

But like Coleman in Minn, you dumbasses will continue to commit yourselves to a slow and painful suicide. All the while thinking you have something to gain.


1:52 AM  
Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

Wow,we have AK40s?!? I don't know what those are, but they sound like something that would drive Liberals crazy, just knowing that us evil 'Reichwingers' owned them! Keen!

8:12 AM  
Anonymous elrond hubbard said...


We'll see who loves who when the 2010 elections come around. Two years of eating fiscal crap sandwiches can change a lot of hearts and minds.

BTW: We prefer the M-16, so look out for us crazy fuckers. Lock and load!

1:34 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Two years of eating fiscal crap sandwiches can change a lot of hearts and minds." elrond

Looked at the polls lately? Please proceed to tell me it's only a matter of time before things backfire. I beg you. I, troglaman, have made so much fucking money on betting against you guys. You have no idea. You're never right about anything.

And eating fiscal crap is your show, dumbass. Are you seriously suggesting no one noticed it was you guys who screwed the pooch? Try EIGHT YEARS of eating crap sandwiches.

Pussy. You can't admit mistakes. And that's exactly why you're about to be eaten up by evolution. The fact you don't believe in it doesn't matter.

Try to imagine the Rapture occurring in exactly the opposite way you think it will. Could happen.

"The meek shall inherit the earth."

Who said that? Scary, isn't it.

12:57 AM  
Anonymous Ray said...

"Wow,we have AK40s?!?"

Liberals like Trog can't afford anAK-47. They can only afford the cheap knock-offs.

10:54 AM  
Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

Ray, maybe I could put an M203 on my sweet ol' Norinco AK and call it an AK40? Hmmm, I'd need to get an M203 first, though....

12:17 PM  
Blogger The Gunslinger said...

Best I can do is an AR-15.

It has a 30 round mag, though. Does that make me cool enough?

3:01 PM  
Anonymous elrond hubbard said...

Please proceed tell me that it's only a matter of time before things backfire.

It's only a matter of time before things backfire. Jesus, has dense can you be? If Bush screwed the economic pooch (and he did), Obama is murdering the poor mutt. Nine trillion dollars of new new debt in the next decade makes Bush look like an amateur. It'll bankrupt
the country and unleash galloping inflation. Bad spending followed by catastropic spending cures nothing, it just makes a very sick puppy.

Economic shit kickers like you will be praying for the Rapture; but agnostics like me knows we're stuck with a inescapable bleak future.

Obama's 100 days aren't up so the drones still love him; let's see what they have to say after a 1,000days of mismanagement and runaway spending.

3:46 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Economic shit kickers like you will be praying for the Rapture; but agnostics like me knows we're stuck with a inescapable bleak future." elrond

Like me?

You can either wake up to the fact that YOU are the economic shit kicker or not. It doesn't matter. When anyone on the right claims fiscal responsibility, they're automatically full of shit. It's as simple as that. Your ideology is dead. You've all lied too much.

When did you turn away from God, elrond? I've been asked that many times. It's only fair that someone who buys into God Party explains how they can be agnostic.

Good luck.

12:36 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Liberals like Trog can't afford anAK-47. They can only afford the cheap knock-offs." ray

The meek shall inherit the earth.

1:33 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"It has a 30 round mag, though. Does that make me cool enough?" gunslinger.

The meek shall inherit the earth.

1:37 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

Care to argue with Jesus?

1:40 AM  
Anonymous elrond hubbard said...


I certainly don't see anyone on the Left practicing fiscal responsibility, unless you call 9+ trillion dollars in new debt "responsible" by an Orwellian definition. Lies come from all directions, but of late mostly from the port side.

So I'm an agnostic, big deal, agnostics come in all shapes, sizes and ideologies. I have doubts about God but even bigger doubts about Our Father who art in Washington.

Your ideology is dead too, you're just too much the dickweed to realize it (or admit it). Eventually, the stench will become unbearable.

2:47 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Your ideology is dead too" elrond

I guess the "too" means yours is dead as well. I think being an American means your ideology is always dead. It's more about thinking our way through without an ideological burden. Freedom. We can eat fish, pig and cow whenever we want.

What matters...and what's always mattered is that we get through it. America is willing to pull up anchor and drift. Hence Obama. It's never done without resistance. This time you're the dumbshit bad guys. Suck it the fuck up and let's get on with it. This is a financial 9-11 dumbfucks. The damage's already been done. We recover or continue down. That's pretty much it.

3:15 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

What would bin laudin want, skul?


3:26 AM  
Anonymous Classic Liberal said...

How does "pulling up anchor and drift[ing]" help things, trog?

The only way for us to recover is for government to stay the hell out of private business and allow those who are stupid or irrational to die off. Fiscal Darwinism.

Propping those idiots up with taxpayer money will only prolong the misery and extend it to everyone instead of limiting it to those responsible. A direct result of the philosophy that sacrifice is virtue rather than suicide.

9:33 AM  
Anonymous elrond hubbard said...

The damage's already been done. We recover or continue down.

Obama and his doltish minions are perfectly capable of inflicting additional damage on this country. In 80 days they've already made tremendous progress towards wrecking the economy and pauperizing the citizens.

All recessions (and depressions) eventually end, it's just a question of ending this one as soon a possible or extending and deepening it. Unfortunately, Obama has chosen the latter. My grandchildren and their children will be picking up the pieces.

BTW, stick that bar of Ivory back in your pie hole.

2:29 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Obama and his doltish minions are perfectly capable of inflicting additional damage on this country." elrond

Of course we are, shit-for-brains. Like you haven't? You're a living example of historical damage to this country. Done deal. You're an expert.

Fuck your mother.

3:20 AM  
Anonymous elrond hubbard said...


Charming, as usual.

You really don't have anything to day, do you?

12:52 PM  
Anonymous elrond hubbard said...

"day" = "say"


1:06 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Unfortunately, Obama has chosen the latter." elrond

No. Your stupid war and Wall Street deregulation chose the latter. Obama's been there for around 3 fucking months.

Rush to judgment, elrond? Your historical perspective is suspect.

2:09 AM  
Blogger Drow Ranger said...

Ummm troglaman...that wasn't Bush doing the deregulation.

THAT was BILL CLINTON. He even went on television (The View/Ellen) and ADMITTED IT. The whole Freddy Mae/Fanny Mack thing. That was HIS doing. Not Bush's.
(Calling it Freddy Mae/Fanny Mack is a JOKE, do not write me about it)

12:42 PM  

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