Sunday, March 23, 2008

"Obama: The Biblical Prophecy"

It's Easter Sunday and the DUmmies are worshipping their messiah: Barack Obama. I kid you not. Normally atheists, agnostics, or Gaia worshippers, the DUmmies have suddently become devout Bible believers as you can see in this THREAD reverently titled, "Obama: The Biblical Prophecy." Or at least they PRETEND to be devout believers but only because they think they can fool people into worshipping/electing the ONE. However, before we begin our Obama bible study, let us now get ourselves in the proper reverent mood with this Charles Henrickson song called "I Don't Know Why I Love Him" from the musical play Barack Obama Superstar sung to the tune of I Don't Know How to Love Him:



I don't know why I love him,
My Barack, my Obama;
I've been charmed, yes really charmed,
By his trim physique, so slim and sleek--
I'm awed by his mystique.

I don't know why he's running,
I don't see any substance;
No real plan, flash in the pan,
And I've heard such empty words before
That when I close my eyes
He's just a bore.

But I like his face,
And I like his voice;
Makes my heartbeat race!
Makes me feel all moist!
I never thought I'd come to this:
Obama is my choice.

Don't you think it's rather shallow
I should vote for this fellow?
I'm the one who's always been
So pure, so pissed, so feminist;
I don't need men, oh no--
He scares me so.

But I like his face,
And I like his voice;
Makes my heartbeat race!
Makes me feel all moist!
I never thought I'd come to this:
Obama is my choice.

Yet, like in a romance novel,
I'm in love with a male model;
I've got to look!.He signed my book!
My heart runs wild! I'll bear his child!
I want the world to know:
He's my "Big O"!
Obama, go!
I love you so!

Now that you are in the proper mood, let us all watch the DUmmies worship their Obamassiah in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, thumbing through the Bible to find the Book of Obama, is in the [brackets]:


Obama: The Biblical Prophecy


[Posted a reverent DUmmie theologian.]


Obama: Breaking the barriers between Church and State.


[Perfectly acceptable but ONLY if a liberal is breaking those barriers.]


"I gave the following article to Senator Barak Obama and his wife the week after his announcement in order to encourage them and to strengthen his faith in God’s Providence. But because of the nature of the prophecy, I could not make it public."


[Did you roll the article up like a Torah scroll?]


"I am moved by the Holy Spirit that now is the time for African American Pastors across South Carolina and the South to be made aware that this is more than History."


[It's it's...liberal theology!]


"Please be kind enough to read and then disseminate . . . and may God defend the right!"


[But NOT rightwingers.]


SONS OF ISSACHAR
A Biblical Rationale for the Presidential Campaign of Barak Obama by
Kenneth R. Adderley, Ph.D., M.Div., M.A.
Professor of Religion & Theology
Bethsaida Bible Institute


[Is this thesis with which you earned your theology degree?]


The devil hit us with Osama,
But God raised up Obama,
The devil hastily made a death-launching push
By stealing elections and approving Bush,
But God, whose Will is not slack,
Remembered the prophecy and raised up Barak.

Barak’s Victory (Judges 4: 3-5:15)


[I just checked the online King James and New International versions but didn't catch that Obama reference in either. Perhaps there is a DUmmie Version that I am unaware of?]


1. The next time the Bible mentions Issachar is when he moved from being a slave to becoming a soldier.

2. God’s people were fighting for their lives, and God moved upon Deborah, a prophetess and a judge (counselor) in Israel to go to Barak (same name) and encourage him to lead the fight to save the nation and the people.

3. Barak hesitated (Judges 4:8) but agreed to go if God’s prophetess would go with him to battle.


[Too bad God's prophetess isn't named Michelle. Perhaps you can rewrite that part as well.]


No worries Obama supporters. Nancy Pelosi, who is running the Convention in Denver, founded the Democratic "Christian Coalition". Obama is the ONE. HE has been chosen to bring more Evangelical Voters to the flock. To see the way. Can I get an Amen?


[The ONE? Aren't you getting The Matrix mixed up with the Bible? Only a DUmmie would think this faux theology will get Evangelical voters to support Obama. However, let us now watch the DUmmies worship the ONE...]


This could actually work on the right wingnuts

[Only if they are as brain dead as the DUmmies.]


Is this person for real?


[He's the ONE.]


Welcome your new messiah, folks!


[aka the Obamassiah.]


This sort of thing is very damaging with religious others who disagree with a coronation of a "ONE".


[Ben Burch is ONE. Are you ONE too?]


I'm just reporting the Prophecy


[From the Book of Obama.]


All of these revelations coming at us externally = VERY creepy stuff. Truth has an internal private ground. Trying to graft this of that onto it, for whatever "good" reasons, has historically resulted in many abominations.


[Shhh! Don't ruin the comedy material.]


You can dismiss this post as just the crazy ramblings of an internets tubes poster, but it IS where the Democratic Party wants to go.

[To worship the ONE. You know who.]


He is Morpheus, we are Neo, "I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door."


[I'm still trying to free my mind from the memory of that horrible sequel, The Matrix Reloaded which Al Gore REVIEWED.]


Sadly. It's where the Democratic Party wants to go


[Over the mental health cliff.]


Saying that they are trying to create a Messiah is not fair. There are religious Democrats.


[Who worship the ONE.]


not into anyone that sees themselves as an instrument of God
certainly not to build his kingdom on earth as POTUS. Wonder what his plan is for those he deems 'divisive' from his policies. May we never find out.


[The plan is to send them into Purgatory but only if the ONE is in a good mood.]


Your assertion that Obama is the "One" in a religious sense just makes me want to puke. I don't want a preacher president and neither should you. It goes against the very foundations of our democracy! Get a grip, man, Obama is not the be all to end all, he's just another politician!!


[Damn you for wanting to downgrade the ONE to the TWO.]


He has risen...


[The ONE is an early riser...especially when vacationing in St. Thomas.]


I saw a website that proved with scripture that he is the anti-Christ. Should I take that seriously?


[No but Florida is full of the anti-Crists who don't like their governor.]

27 Comments:

Anonymous Oricellius said...

For it is written in the Book of Moonbat that the left eye shall perceive he who defeats the White Witch as the ONE. He will then face the dark lord Gom. The ONE will deafeat Gom in combat, and the world will turn into gumdrops and unicorns, and fluffy puppies. And all non-beleivers will be hauled before the council of nut-roots to face their judgement.
Book of Moonbat(4:3-5:15)

Blessed be the word of the Moonbat

1:01 PM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

Oricellius, that is perhaps the greatest comment post I've ever seen on this blog...well done

2:46 PM  
Blogger CorpGovActivist said...

Mark Muppetmasters Hillary was more the direction I decided to go this Easter Sunday, on Pennocchio.

Hope you and yours had a good Easter.

- Dave

4:29 PM  
Anonymous kayinmaine said...

So this is the day all you reich wing NEOCON godfucks *spit* believe HAHAHAHAHAHA! that some fairy tale god HAHAHAHAHAHHA! actually came back from the dead?!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

If I pray for anything its for Iran to get A MILLION NUKES!

6:15 PM  
Anonymous Anon 1:50 said...

Kayinmaine!

Long time, no insane rant!

I see the Lithium isn't working again. Are you sitting in the bathtub rubbing feces into your hair, or have they taken you to "the happy home" for a "little getaway?"

Anyway, it's good to see you again, the ol' homestead wouldn't be the same without your childish profanity, and half-assed, off-the-wall blather. I mean, ya gotta have one holiday guest to talk about when she leaves, and you're it!

Stay goofy, nutloaf! Love to the kid!

Anon 1:50

7:21 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

Yeah, kayinmaine, it sure is a good thing there are no religious fanatics in Iran. Yup, yup, yup.

"What a maroon." B. Bunny

9:07 PM  
Anonymous Britt said...

I can't believe there is anyone that nuts...I think she is the new TruePatriot.

Anyone read Liberal Fascism by Jonah Goldberg? If you haven't, go do so..this is exactly the thing he talks about: replacing God with the State.

Oh, and for the record I am an atheist and have no need for God, be it the God State or the old fashioned kind. So any lefties out there whipping out the talking points for Christians can just put them away right now.

9:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, you dimwitted monkeys.

Here's an Easter challenge for you: Show me one poll or one statistic that supports the notion that Obama is seen as the messiah. Fact or fiction. You decide.

The peculiar aspect of this discussion is that a Messiah only matters to those who believe there is a Messiah, right? Wouldn't that be you?

12:32 AM  
Anonymous Anon 1:50 said...

Guess you didn't read the thread, didja Sparky?

There's yer statistic!

Happy Easter!

Ook!

4:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's an Easter challenge for you: Show me one poll or one statistic that supports the notion that Obama is seen as the messiah. Fact or fiction. You decide.

We don't have polls or statistics, but we do have loads of DUmmie posts. And how would a poll or statistic prove what you're asking for, anyway? It would make sense if you were asking us to "prove" that Obama is seen as the Messiah by a certain number of people, which we aren't asserting. We're asserting that a certain group of people (pro-Obama DUmmies) sees him as the Messiah, via their own ramblings.

lrn2logic

8:36 AM  
Anonymous dubya said...

If I pray for anything its for Iran to get A MILLION NUKES!

Could we be misreading kayinmaine? Could it be she wants to see Iran turned into a glass-covered parking lot?

Hmmm... not a bad idea! 8)


Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran! Ohhh YAAAAAA!

9:20 AM  
Anonymous Ray said...

"If I pray for anything its for Iran to get A MILLION NUKES!"

A Million? Some would call that overkill. I think a couple of dozen strategically spread 1600 feet above their major cities would be all that is necessary. That's only 3 or 4 MX missiles which can be launched from a single submarine, very doable!

9:34 AM  
Anonymous Shambhala said...

lrn2logic
8:36 AM


Ouch.

Poor Troglaman. That's gonna leave a mark.

2:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"And how would a poll or statistic prove what you're asking for, anyway?" anon

What?

OK, anon. Let's start with you.

Do you believe Obama to be the Messiah? Yes or no. Then I mark down your answer. I know it's complicated.

So I'm still waiting for someone, anyone, to show me one breadcrumb of truth that even a significantly small percentage of Obama supporters think he's the Messiah. You can't do it. That's all there is to it. Go ahead and and troll crazy liberal 'comments' and make them your trusted news sources you morons. Jesus. If I'd made PJ's comments my world view I'd have already blown my carbon footprint because of the number of electroshock treatments I'd received.

Let me ask you all something. If you went to a bar and talked to the most drunken and inebriated customer, would you conclude everyone else in bar is a drunken and inebriated jackass? I think you would. It's just how you are.

1:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

F.Gordon (Author of this DU post)
Donating Member
(1000+ posts)
8. I'm just reporting the Prophecy

Here's one...

6:46 AM  
Anonymous dubya said...

...because of the number of electroshock treatments I'd received....

LOL! Apparently you haven't had enough of those, t-man! 8)

9:29 AM  
Anonymous Shambhala said...

If you went to a bar and talked to the most drunken and inebriated customer, would you conclude everyone else in bar is a drunken and inebriated jackass? I think you would.

No. But we could conclude:
1.- The bar PERMITS people to get drunk
2.- There is booze served that makes people drunk
3.- People who enjoy getting drunk go to this bar.
4.- The bar receives revenue from drunks.

A poll would tell us the proportion of people who get drunk. Casual observation would tell us that people DO GET DRUNK.

1:18 PM  
Anonymous elrond hubbard said...

I'm sure most Dummies don't believe that Obama is THE Messiah, saving souls and freeing the world from sin; but many appear to believe that B.O. is a politcal messiah, delivering the Democrat party from the Wilderness of powerlessness and showering the faithful with government funded bounty.

5:08 PM  
Anonymous Skully said...

I belieeeeve that BO is the Smelly Messiah

7:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"No. But we could conclude:
1.- The bar PERMITS people to get drunk 2.- There is booze served that makes people drunk 3.- People who enjoy getting drunk go to this bar. 4.- The bar receives revenue from drunks. A poll would tell us the proportion of people who get drunk. Casual observation would tell us that people DO GET DRUNK." sham

I, troglaman, think this is in response to my asking for any evidence that most people who like Obama also think he's the Messiah. I admit I don't understand the subtle nuances of wingnuttia communication. But sham answers my query with the fact that people get drunk. And sometimes pay to do so. And, shamefully, like doing it. This somehow explains why people think Obama's the Messiah.

I haven't cracked your code yet, you bastards. But mark my words...

1:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I belieeeeve that BO is the Smelly Messiah" skully

Are you like 12 or something? Go back to bed and obey your parent's every word.

1:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I'm sure most Dummies don't believe that Obama is THE Messiah, saving souls and freeing the world from sin; but many appear to believe that B.O. is a politcal messiah". elrond

Shit. What the hell is screwing you all up about this? If most people everywhere and anywhere don't believe Obama's the Messiah then they don't believe he's the Messiah. Got that? The notion that Obama's majority believe he's the Messiah is idiotic. Political or otherwise.

This Messiah thing seems familiar. I don't think it'll work this time.

1:43 AM  
Anonymous elrond hubbard said...

T-man,

You have a faculty for mis-reading my posts. Or perhaps you're just a bit thick.

4:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"T-man, you have a faculty for mis-reading my posts. Or perhaps you're just a bit thick." elrond

Or perhaps you're a bit thick and have a faculty for mis-misreading my posts. Just a thought.

I'm entirely, unlike most of you, willing to mix this up. Let's go. But give me something besides "I belieeeeve that BO is the Smelly Messiah" (h/t skully)

Let me ask you this, elrond. Does Obama's majority believe he is the Messiah? Politically or otherwise? What the hell is a "political messiah" anyway? I'd be so appreciative of a somewhat credible answer. I'm pretty much sure you can't give me one.

1:34 AM  
Anonymous elrond hubbard said...

"Messiah" has several definitions, the pertinent one being "a liberator or would-be liberator of an oppressed country or people".

Many Democrats (especially of the DUmmy stripe) see Obama as the man who will liberate an oppressed United States from the grip Bushler and his Rovian minions.

Politically Obama and Clinton are indistinguisable but is O. who generates the excitement; his rallies are part politics but also part Hannah Montana and part religious revival, including the fainting women. O's rhetoric is found in many churches---in style, not substance.

Obama is not the first political messiah in American history, Williams Jennings Bryant was one (remember his "cross of gold" speech?) as was Eugene Debs
and George Wallace. Messianic politics is popularism.

8:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Messiah" has several definitions, the pertinent one being "a liberator or would-be liberator of an oppressed country or people". elrond

And this what everybody who likes Obama thinks he is. Sure. You're an idiot.

2:31 AM  
Anonymous elrond hubbard said...

T-man,

Hey schmuck, where did I say "everybody"?

3:52 PM  

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