"My brother and I just waterboarded each other"

You can't say "DUmmie" without saying "DUmb" and the DUmmies have proved just how DUmb they are just from the very title of this THREAD: "My brother and I just waterboarded each other." That's right, a couple of DUmmies who are not even trained in the waterboarding technique, decided to try it out as an experiment. They came close to winning half a Darwin Award. What's next. Apply electric shocks to each other's testicles? So let us now look at these two DUmmies waterboard each other in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, thinking these two need to be hit over the head with a waterboard to knock some sort of sense into them, is in the [brackets]:

My brother and I just waterboarded each other... yup, it's torture..

[DON'T DOUSE ME, BRO!]

I was thinking about the AG confirmation and how Mukasey isn't certain that waterboarding constitutes torture. And then I started thinking about how Rudy Giuliani doesn't believe waterboarding is torture either. So I figured I'd find out for myself. I mean if it isn't torture, it can't be that bad, right? Let me tell you this, it's not pleasant. And we were operating under circumstances where we absolutely knew that the other person wasn't going to kill us with the technique.

[How about accidentally due to idiocy? Have you two tried hanging yourselves to see if that is effective?]

I was wiped out after four tries. My best time was 20 seconds, and I literally gritted it out. It took about all I had, so much so that right afterward on my last try I barely lasted 9 seconds. My brother tried it a few more times than I did. He beat me on average times, but his highest was 18 seconds.

[You need to try harder if you expect to make it into the Guinness Book of Records.]

I would say that if somebody was repeatedly waterboarded it would not take a whole helluva lot to break them. Immediately a person feels panicked, and that's without the additional fear of thinking that their captors are actually trying to murder them. It's a pretty harrowing ordeal for the time that you are being subjected to it. It's definitely torture. And if anybody doesn't believe it, then they should try it themselves. According to an ABC news report CIA officers who subject themselves to it only last an average of 14 seconds. And those are people who are trained to withstand different types of torture.

[Trying to thin out the ranks of DUmmieland by suggesting they should try waterboarding themselves?]

Why is is so difficult? Well, immediately you start to gag on water. Plus you have cellophane over your face, blocking your nose, so you can't breathe well anyway, and then water is rushing over your face and into your mouth. Within seconds you're gagging and spitting and struggling. It seems like an eternity. The first time I did it, I was not prepared at all. I lasted nine seconds and that seem like quite a bit of time. The time I lasted 20 was part luck. I somehow was able to spit the water out enough so that I wasn't gagging too much. Then I just held my breath and tried to gut it out for a few seconds.

[I can't help but laugh at the STUPIDITY of these untrained DUmmies performing near death experiences on each other.]

But as I said earlier, that 20 seconds wiped me out. The next time out, I was pretty weakened. So I could see after several times how somebody would spill their guts about anything just to make it stop.

[Ah! So you admit that waterboarding WORKS.]

And I could also see how it would be dangerous to someone who was already in poor health. If a person with a heart condition was waterboarded several times, it wouldn't surprise me if it instigated a heart attack or something.

[It wouldn't surprise me if it instigated brain death in you and your DUmmie brother.]

So yeah, it's torture. And if Rudy or Dick Cheney or anybody else doesn't think it is, well, I'd like to see how they would react if they had it done to them.

[I am reacting with LAUGHTER just trying to envision you and DUmmie brother waterboarding each other. And now to hear from the other DUmmies...]

Is your name Jamie from the MythBusters?

[My name is PJ from DUmmieBusters.]

As with all of their stunts, they urge people "not to try this at home" so that's probably why they haven't done any other torture techniques that are far more dangerous, like waterboarding.

[Leave it to untrained DUmmies to try waterboarding at home.]

I applaud you for your craziness... The scientific method is the best way to obtain knowledge.

[They used the DUmmie method.]

We need someone near DC to take that show on the road, ala Michael Moore's 'patriot act' truck. Someone needs to set up shop outside the house and senate to offer free samples for supporters of the technique.

[Maybe you can have people pay you to waterboard them just like they paid for bungee jumping years ago until folks realized that you can get really hurt that way.]

Does their mother know they're doing this?! Boys, I TOLD YOU a thousand times. No waterboarding in the house.

[No waterboarding in Mommy's basement.]

the sad thing is I'm supposed to be an adult. 33 next month.


[LOL! And you and your brother are still performing dopey waterboarding stunts?]

let me know when you get the dentist drill and go all Marathon man.

[Next time the DUmmie Brothers will drill holes in each other's teeth while asking, "Is it safe?"]

No offense ,but a do-it-yourself-at-home experiment in waterboarding sounds like an application for the Darwin Award.

[In this case, TWO Darwin Awards.]

I saw it done a few times. I think a Fox correspondent did it once. You have to do it as safe as possible, and not keep doing it over and over and over. A few times is more than enough. But yeah, it could get pretty dangerous quickly.

[Such intense training you had.]

Don't knock till you've tried it. I tried my best to simulate the conditions on my own with just a wash rag over my face, and even when I HAD THE POWER TO STOP IT it still scared the begeezus out of me.

[Self water boarding.]

Did you film it?? It's make a good segment for "Jackass".

[The DUmmie Brothers making Jackasses out of themselves.]

I'm a columnist and will probably write about it so people will grasp it a little better and understand how sick the advocates of it are. How many people have you tried to inform lately?

[A columnist? For which freebie rag?]