Tuesday, October 30, 2007

"My brother and I just waterboarded each other"



You can't say "DUmmie" without saying "DUmb" and the DUmmies have proved just how DUmb they are just from the very title of this THREAD: "My brother and I just waterboarded each other." That's right, a couple of DUmmies who are not even trained in the waterboarding technique, decided to try it out as an experiment. They came close to winning half a Darwin Award. What's next. Apply electric shocks to each other's testicles? So let us now look at these two DUmmies waterboard each other in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, thinking these two need to be hit over the head with a waterboard to knock some sort of sense into them, is in the [brackets]:


My brother and I just waterboarded each other... yup, it's torture..


[DON'T DOUSE ME, BRO!]


I was thinking about the AG confirmation and how Mukasey isn't certain that waterboarding constitutes torture. And then I started thinking about how Rudy Giuliani doesn't believe waterboarding is torture either. So I figured I'd find out for myself. I mean if it isn't torture, it can't be that bad, right? Let me tell you this, it's not pleasant. And we were operating under circumstances where we absolutely knew that the other person wasn't going to kill us with the technique.

[How about accidentally due to idiocy? Have you two tried hanging yourselves to see if that is effective?]


I was wiped out after four tries. My best time was 20 seconds, and I literally gritted it out. It took about all I had, so much so that right afterward on my last try I barely lasted 9 seconds. My brother tried it a few more times than I did. He beat me on average times, but his highest was 18 seconds.

[You need to try harder if you expect to make it into the Guinness Book of Records.]


I would say that if somebody was repeatedly waterboarded it would not take a whole helluva lot to break them. Immediately a person feels panicked, and that's without the additional fear of thinking that their captors are actually trying to murder them. It's a pretty harrowing ordeal for the time that you are being subjected to it. It's definitely torture. And if anybody doesn't believe it, then they should try it themselves. According to an ABC news report CIA officers who subject themselves to it only last an average of 14 seconds. And those are people who are trained to withstand different types of torture.


[Trying to thin out the ranks of DUmmieland by suggesting they should try waterboarding themselves?]


Why is is so difficult? Well, immediately you start to gag on water. Plus you have cellophane over your face, blocking your nose, so you can't breathe well anyway, and then water is rushing over your face and into your mouth. Within seconds you're gagging and spitting and struggling. It seems like an eternity. The first time I did it, I was not prepared at all. I lasted nine seconds and that seem like quite a bit of time. The time I lasted 20 was part luck. I somehow was able to spit the water out enough so that I wasn't gagging too much. Then I just held my breath and tried to gut it out for a few seconds.


[I can't help but laugh at the STUPIDITY of these untrained DUmmies performing near death experiences on each other.]


But as I said earlier, that 20 seconds wiped me out. The next time out, I was pretty weakened. So I could see after several times how somebody would spill their guts about anything just to make it stop.


[Ah! So you admit that waterboarding WORKS.]


And I could also see how it would be dangerous to someone who was already in poor health. If a person with a heart condition was waterboarded several times, it wouldn't surprise me if it instigated a heart attack or something.


[It wouldn't surprise me if it instigated brain death in you and your DUmmie brother.]


So yeah, it's torture. And if Rudy or Dick Cheney or anybody else doesn't think it is, well, I'd like to see how they would react if they had it done to them.


[I am reacting with LAUGHTER just trying to envision you and DUmmie brother waterboarding each other. And now to hear from the other DUmmies...]


Is your name Jamie from the MythBusters?


[My name is PJ from DUmmieBusters.]


As with all of their stunts, they urge people "not to try this at home" so that's probably why they haven't done any other torture techniques that are far more dangerous, like waterboarding.


[Leave it to untrained DUmmies to try waterboarding at home.]


I applaud you for your craziness... The scientific method is the best way to obtain knowledge.


[They used the DUmmie method.]


We need someone near DC to take that show on the road, ala Michael Moore's 'patriot act' truck. Someone needs to set up shop outside the house and senate to offer free samples for supporters of the technique.


[Maybe you can have people pay you to waterboard them just like they paid for bungee jumping years ago until folks realized that you can get really hurt that way.]


Does their mother know they're doing this?! Boys, I TOLD YOU a thousand times. No waterboarding in the house.


[No waterboarding in Mommy's basement.]


the sad thing is I'm supposed to be an adult. 33 next month.


[LOL! And you and your brother are still performing dopey waterboarding stunts?]


let me know when you get the dentist drill and go all Marathon man.


[Next time the DUmmie Brothers will drill holes in each other's teeth while asking, "Is it safe?"]


No offense ,but a do-it-yourself-at-home experiment in waterboarding sounds like an application for the Darwin Award.


[In this case, TWO Darwin Awards.]


I saw it done a few times. I think a Fox correspondent did it once. You have to do it as safe as possible, and not keep doing it over and over and over. A few times is more than enough. But yeah, it could get pretty dangerous quickly.


[Such intense training you had.]

Don't knock till you've tried it. I tried my best to simulate the conditions on my own with just a wash rag over my face, and even when I HAD THE POWER TO STOP IT it still scared the begeezus out of me.


[Self water boarding.]


Did you film it?? It's make a good segment for "Jackass".


[The DUmmie Brothers making Jackasses out of themselves.]


I'm a columnist and will probably write about it so people will grasp it a little better and understand how sick the advocates of it are. How many people have you tried to inform lately?


[A columnist? For which freebie rag?]

16 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, let me get this straight.. No waterboarding, no torture, feed these terrorists good food, make sure they have a koran available ALONG with legal reps, medical personel etc.

In the meantime, these barbarians are chopping peoples heads off, killing innocent women and children, cutting peoples faces off, summarily shooting groups of people and generally terrorizing the people of Iraq with every and any means necessary but these fools are worried about getting a couple of these throw-backs a bit wet..

Yep, sounds like PERFECT moonbat logic at work here.. Move along, nothing to see...

9:18 PM  
Blogger Beefeater said...

I wonder if this is the same clown that built a replica of the WTC out of chicken wire and proved that 9-11 was a controlled demolition?

9:25 PM  
Blogger Mo K said...

Sheesh! With any luck, more DUmmies will try this kinda stuff at home, demmit.

10:00 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

"I'm a columnist and will probably write about it so people will grasp it a little better and understand how sick the advocates of it are."

Paul? Paul Krugman, is that you?

10:13 PM  
Blogger JC said...

The real root of all this torture debate is presentation. The administration didn't present everything to the MSM and the DUmmies the proper way or all this mess could have been avoided.
Here's a couple of examples:

Guantanamo: This is not a prison! It's a place where we put the terrorists in time out. The barbed wire, minefields, armed guards, etc. are there to protect THEM while they are in time out. Protect them from whom you may be thinking.
Why the evil puppy and kitten kicking thugs from Blackwater, thats who!
Waterboarding: This is not torture!
We ase teaching them a skill. Being from mostly desert countries they don't know how to swim, so we are teaching them. When they get released from time out at Gitmo they can return to the mother country and get jobs as lifeguards. If they had a skill besides killing and maiming innocent people, we feel that they would use it and not return to their misunderstood ways.

See! Simple enough solution.

10:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I predict (with genuine sadness) that at least one person will copycat this for a YouTube moment...and die.

I hope these buttcracks are sued for it.

6:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Way to go, you stupid, stupid DUmmies.

You just proved our point: if a couple bored teenagers can "water board" each other for their own amusement, it obviously ain't exactly "torture."

Try feeding yourselves into plastic shredders a few times. Let me know how much fun that is.

I'd suggest they shove cattle prods up each other's asses ... but I suspect that would REALLY not be torture to them.

Idiots. Now we know for a fact - waterboarding is not torture. By definition. By definition, if its something goofy teenagers do for kicks, it ain't torture.

Ask Nick Berg. Oh. Wait. He was actually tortured. So you can't.

6:54 AM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

"No offense ,but a do-it-yourself-at-home experiment in waterboarding sounds like an application for the Darwin Award."

I thought this right from the title.

Watch for the follow-up to see if the bad guys torture too!:

"My brother and I just beheaded each other"

9:34 AM  
Anonymous ray said...

Maybe you can have people pay you to waterboard them just like they paid for bungee jumping years ago until folks realized that you can get really hurt that way."

PJ, you just gave me an idea for a new interrogation technique! Bungee dropping from 1,000 feet out of a moving helicopter. No one could claim THAT was torture.

10:08 AM  
Anonymous ray said...

"Immediately a person feels panicked, and that's without the additional fear of thinking that their captors are actually trying to murder them. It's a pretty harrowing ordeal for the time that you are being subjected to it. It's definitely torture."

It's torture because it's scary? If the definition of torture now includes anything that will scare you, I guess we better stop all those kids from torturing each other and everyone else on Halloween then, right?

10:16 AM  
Anonymous Staci said...

What a bunch of dumbasses!

4:34 PM  
Anonymous Cody said...

I have a feeling most of the commenters here don't understand the intent behind waterboarding. It's not that it's "scary". It's the cruel and unusual part that makes it torture. When you're being waterboarded, you begin to wonder if you're being interrogated or murdered. It creates the illusion that you're about to die. That's torture at the most; bad interrogation technique at the least. In any case, it's probably not that effective. When you're being asked if you're a terrorist and are nearly drowned every time you say "no", what answer are you likely to give after a while, even if it isn't true?

What these guys did mimics waterboarding, but without the feeling that they might actually die, it wasn't real waterboarding. They knew they were safe the entire time, so it was close, but not quite the same.

5:13 PM  
Blogger Douglas Watts said...

It's torture because it's scary?

Yes, you stupid idiot. Just like pretending you're going to execute someone.

Convincing someone they are about to die -- even if they are not -- is torture.

12:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm standing behind you right now...

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"In any case, it's probably not that effective. When you're being asked if you're a terrorist and are nearly drowned every time you say "no", what answer are you likely to give after a while, even if it isn't true?"

I can tell that Cody is not a trained interrogator or he would know that interrogators only ask questions that can be verified. I also noticed that Cody used the qualifier "probably," which basically means "I don't know what in the heck I'm talking about, but will spout off in a comment section, anyway."

2:15 PM  
Anonymous Cody said...

I noticed that you didn't even use your name, which indicates to me you're all talk and just wanted the chance to question someone's intelligence. Looks like I'm not the only one who's spouting off in a comment section without anything useful to say.

Besides, if you're going to ask questions that can be verified, why bother asking them in the first place? "Are you a terrorist?" "No." "Look him up in the database while I dunk him." That makes perfect sense...

Anyways, in case you feel the need to say something else, you should know that I'm often sarcastic. It's a bit subtle, so I'm not surprised you didn't pick up on it.

9:31 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home