Thursday, May 18, 2006

Hoaxmas Threads EXPLODING In DUmmieland!!!

Those of you of Gaelic persuasion are probably familiar with the Easter Uprising by the Irish against the English in DUblin in 1916. And now we have the Great Hoaxmas Uprising 90 years later in DUmmieland against Pied Piper Pitt. The evidence of the Great Hoaxmas Uprising is in the MANY DUmmie threads now slamming the Magic Man. Apparently that once taboo subject of Pitt crit is now permitted partly because he was the cause of so many Freudenschade DUmmies making FOOLS of themselves when they prematurely popped their victory champagne corks celebrating the "indictment" of Karl Rove and mainly because of his drunken RANT agaisnt Head DUmmie, Skinner, for expressing a bit of doubt about his bogus story. So let us now GORGE on a feast of DUmmie Hoaxmas threads (currently numbering 8) starting with Theory: Leopold was wrong. Dead wrong. And then he backpedaled. As usual, the Freudenschade DUmmie postings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, turning into a glutton from dining on DUmmies dining on crow, is in the [brackets]. But FIRST, before we begin DUFUing the DUmmies, a special Hoaxmas Holiday treat. A song titled The Twenty-Four (Business) Hours Of Fitzmas to the tune of The Twelve Days Of Christmas composed by that famous Tin Pan Alley songmeister, Charles Henrickson. So pick up a cup of Holiday Cheer and sing along with the bouncing ball:

On the twenty-fourth hour of Fitzmas

My truthout gave to me:

Twenty-four bonus hours

Twenty-three bogus sources

Twenty-two sealed indictments

Twenty-one new excitements

Twenty Leopolds leaping

Nineteen FReepers freeping

Eighteen crowded dockets

Seventeen Sonny Crocketts

Sixteen corks a-popping

Fifteen-hour meeting

Fourteen Freudenschades

Thirteen Pipers piping

Twelve DUmmies griping

Eleven Roves a-packing

Ten dollars lacking

Nine shots at Skinner

Eight crows for dinner

Seven crews amassing

Six days a-passing


Four Patton Boggs

Three fresh blogs

Two marching frogs

And a Pitt ribbed in a parody!

Theory: Leopold was wrong. Dead wrong. And then he backpedaled.

[What backpedaling? Leopold & Lib are not only STICKING to their fibs but they claim the indictment papers will definitely be dated May 12, 2006. The Day When Everything Finally DIDN'T Change.]

With Will Pitt holding his handlebars for him.

[Somehow that sounds VERY KINKY.]

The fact that there are so many apologists out there on DU is frightening. Why are people so afraid to say that there is a serious problem with journalistic integrity here? Why are so many people taking the dittohead approach and just blindly following and pledging unwaivering allegiance? How does that make you any different from the Freepers that watch Faux News?

[Freepers who watch "Faux News" are buying into the Karl Rove indictment fairy tale. Who is your source for that bit of misinformation? Sonny Crockett?]

Did he backpedal? I thought he was sticking by the story.

[Por seguro!]

24 BUSINESS hours that is backpedaling after the story is proven incorrect.

[More like a lame excuse than a backpedal.]

24 BUSINESS hours which is just legally silly. There is no difference between "24 hours" and "24 business hours" in the law, but when it didn't happen in 24 hours, they tried to make it 72 hours. I consider that backpedaling. Perhaps that may not be the best term for all.

[And parking the bike while backpedaling it adds 10 minutes to the business hours time each day.]

Not defending Leopold here. But IMHO, the central claim of Leopold's story was the fact that Rove was already indicted, and he has not backpedalled on that. If he's fudged on the 24-hours thing, it does make the credibility of the entire story suspect. But ultimately Leopold will be judged on the central claim -- whether Rove was indicted last Friday.

[Why are you leaving Pitt out? Let the Magic Man share in the Hoaxmas glory as well.]

The 24-hour thing is still him being wrong about when it will be released. The fudging makes him look silly, I think.

[You think? I KNOW.]

Leopold said he was indicted on Friday. If he is indicted tomorrow, Leopold is wrong.

[But Pitt said those indictment papers will DEFINITELY be dated May 12, 2006. So it can happen in the next millenium but Pitt will be right if that Star Date is on there.]

Facts Smhacts throw shit on the wall and see what sticks. that's the life for me!

[DUmmie judicial reasoning at its finest.]

The 24 biz hours are UP, someone might want to do some damage control and at least admit that much..

[Not quite. You haven't factored in the photocopy my butt time into the business hours equation.]

2 things about pigs they wallow around in their own shit, and all pigs get slaughtered.

[Pied Piper Pigg.]

SO WHAT if Leopold/Truthout is wrong on this story?
Truthout reporters and readers, unlike FAUX news and their viewers, are SEEKING the truth. A mistake does not equal a lie. A timing error doesn't invalidate the truth of the charges.

[The Truth Will Out sometime in the distant future.]

How DARE YOU compare us to freepers?

[How DARE YOU accuse us of being sane?]

I bow to you, Vinny From Indy!

[Da Vinny Toad.]

If Fitz ran his case like Leopold writes then Rove WILL WALK.

[Then it looks like Rove will walk...but NOT like a frog.]

Locking. COntinue discussion here: Official Truthout/Leopold/Rove Indictment Thead #1

[And so we shall, Skinner...]

Official Truthout/Leopold/Rove Indictment Thead #1

We are instructing the moderators to lock all threads about Jason Leopold and his Rove indictment story. If you wish to continue discussing this issue, you may do so here.

When this thread reaches approximately 100 replies, the moderators will lock it and open a new one.

Thank you for your understanding.

DU Admin

[And thank you, Skinner, for making it so convenient to dine on DUmmies dining on crow.]

Until the indictment is made public, Rove can do anything he wants.

[Including dance upon Pitt's coffin.]

It's a KARLSPIRACY! He can do whatever he wants you know.

[It's PITTIFUL! The Magic Man can make any baseless charge he wants you know.]

I don't believe Leopold. I think he made it up, or his source was lying to him.

[Sonny Crockett lie? I doubt it.]

Fitz's team leaked false rumors in his own house cleaning mole hunt. Is that paranoid enought yet?

[No. You must add in a MIHOP conspiracy theory for that proper paranoid touch.]

No one seems to care that Joseph Wilson and Larry Johnson have confirmed this story.

[You mean Don "Sonny Crockett" Johnson.]


[Banned from DUmmieland for being unreliable. And imagine the depths you must have to sink to in order to achieve that "accolade."]

The Du Willi Code. stories of journalistic intrigue.
Secret codes: 24, 72, 15.

[And 4 for the 4th floor of Patton & Boggs being sealed off.]

When you say approximately 100 replies, do you mean 100 (the number That follows 99) or 100 over the next day or so, or maybe 10 posts over 10 days? Will you be doing this throughout the day (meaning this 24 hours) or will you be doing it over 8 hour intervals over the next three days?

[FINALLY! DUmmie humor that is intentionally FUnnie! And now on to TABLE #2 of the DUmmie Hoaxmas buffet.]

If we are to believe Leopold's account, then there was a 15-hour meeting on Friday. Let's say it started at 8AM - it would end at 11PM. During that time the meeting is "locked down" - nothing gets in or out. Then, I daresay people call people to tell them what has transpired, tell wives they're coming home, head to their cars. Leopold said that he was talking to people with intimate knowledge of the meeting on Friday and on Saturday morning.

["Hi Honey! I'm being locked down and sealed off by the Secret Service at Patton & Bogg for the next 15 hours so I won't be able to make it to the K-Mart Blue Light Special later today."]

Jason, Will, Joe Wilson, and Larry Johnson all could have been punk'd by a massive Rovian conspiracy to cause multiple independent sources to align their false stories in a disinfo campaign to tar the lefty media. It is definitely a Rovian tactic; he did just this thing to author JH Hatfield (who later killed himself).

[Beware the Massive Rovian Storm.]

Okay, we will deny reality out of loyalty to Pitt. Where do I get the koolaid that lets me do that?

[At the TruthOut counter of your local Jonestown supermarket.]

Pitt is a melodramatic crusader, he reminds me of Don Quixote. His style of rhetoric is not good politics and will never help the democrats, other than as a form of rabble rousing that excites and inspires one small minority of democrats. The idea that anyone owes him anything is ludicrous.

[More like Wile E. Quixote of Roadrunner fame.]

I believe the Declaration of Independence had a similar story
It was dated July 4th but wasn't actually signed until August. Some though say that Independence day should be July 2nd.

[That's because they had to wait 24 business hours to make it from July 2 to July 4. They worked longer hours back then and no photocopy my butt breaks.]

Of course there's an indictment. Patrick Fitzgerald just has this odd habit of enjoying walking around for a week with an indictment tucked inside the waistband of his boxers.

[Or briefs? BURP...And now on to TABLE #3.]

I still believe he has been indicted. We'll know soon.

[In just 24 business hours.]

You know what is gonna be FUNNY? The silence from all of the nay-sayers when we find out that Leopold was correct.

[Even FUnnier will be the silence from all the yay-sayers when NOTHING happens.]

Ever notice how if you say "Leopold and Loeb" really fast, it comes out sounding like "Karl Rove"?

[And if you notice the earring in Pitt's earlobe you will say "Leopold and Lobe."]

Since Leopold hasn't revealed any names at this point,....
...I'd wager a guess that the story is still valid.

[He revealed the name of Sonny Crockett so that must make the story invalid.]

Why did anyone believe Jason Leopold in the first place? The man's history speaks for itself, and the story - well, it's laughable on its face.

[Pitt is laughing all the way to the (drunk) tank.]

You know... I think that everyone is entitled to a certain amount of good will and benefit of the doubt... but drunken egotistical displays tend to use up whatever stockpile of good will may have accumulated.

[And it sounds like Pitt's good will stockpile has already dried up. And now on to TABLE #4 of the Hoaxmas Buffet.]

Some people are ALWAYS haughty and vicious assholes.

[YUP! Pitt's good will stockpile has certainly dried up.]

Too many people on DU believe in Santa Claus

[And the Great Pumpkin known as Fitzmas.]

Since I've been here in 2003 (I think that's when). I've seen probably hundreds of posts about this person going down, Bush finally being toast, something else being the tipping point, Cheney resigning, Rumsfeld resigning, the Democrats stopping some bill, Kerry challenging Ohio, this judge being filibustered, and a nearly endless series of articles on Rove finally being indicted. Quite a few of these, I might add, stem from the Original Poster on the thread that started this entire subject.

[In the beginning there was Pitt.]

I almost wish I had saved all the threads into a folder named "Lucy/Charlie Brown."

[Or "Roadrunner/Coyote."]

So when a story comes along written by a thrice-disgraced reporter and filled with several dubious claims, I immediately go into skeptic mode. And yet - like Bart Simpson at Kamp Krusty - hundreds of posters become their "Bush is toast....Bush is toast" mantra.

["Pop champagne....Pop champagne."]

I find the fact that someone like Leopold could be dominating discussion at this place for over a week a little nauseating.

[I find it intoxicating.]

The conspiracy nutters and the far-leftists and the trolls have done a great job steering DU from being what it ought to be: a place to debate logically about politics, and to find ways to help the Democratic Party win office.

[Eliminate the conspiracy nutters and the far-leftists from DUmmieland and all you are left with are LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS!!!]

Where does Leopold go from here if this story blows up?

[Bukowski's? Now on to TABLE #5. Hope I have room for dessert.]

Was Will drunk? Or did someone infer that?

[Will wasn't drunk. Merely intoxicated.]

He posted earlier that evening that he was going out to a pub w/ a friend. I saw the actual post. In total fairness to Will, he'd been getting stalked by the usual band of Pitt-haters quite a bit in the past few weeks, and one could hardly blame him for a bit of escapism.

[Drinking yourself senseless is now defined as escapism.'

I think, if Skinner were TRULY offended by Will's rant, Will would be spotting a tombstone. As of right now, he isn't.

[Isn't allowing this public flogging of Pitt even WORSE than tomstoning?]

Indictment tonight. My tarot cards told me so, and I think that's at least as accurate a method as any other I've seen here in recent days.

[The Ouija board is more scientific.]

I stand by my hunch that it will break between 6 PM & Midnight EST tonight.

[I stand by my hunch that it will break between midnight and 6 AM this morning.]

You haven't got a bit of rope?

[Is that you, Will Pitt? And now to TABLE #6.]

Who is Patrick Fitzgerald's "Deep Throat" Source? Is there a Counter-Leaker on Plame Case Working for the Side of Good?

[According to Pitt, that source is Joe Wilson.]

I hope I haven't just pulled a Leopold!

[No, you've only been Leopoled.]

Cause I haven't been following closely. But whats the deal with Chicago?

[Former site of the BEST photo studio in the Midwest (owned by PJ-Comix relatives), the Maurice Seymore Studio, said I sounding increasingly like my own father who constantly boasted about this.]

The KARLSPIRACY strikes again. all powerful Karl, able to control space and time and the NY Times.

[And the Dimensional Warp Barrier.]

It took 15 hours to make the plane reservations. The damn Secret Service took all the window seats.


At what point do we end the Rove watch and get on with our lives?

[At a point beyond time and space, i.e. 24 business hours from now.]

it's 6:20 EST, still nothing coming from any MSM sources

[Have patience. You are still on standard time so you need to catch up to Daylight Savings Time. I'm STUFFED already but still I go on to TABLE #7.]

Still Standing With Ya Will and Jason!!!!! Thanks For Everything!!!!! Could it be tomorrow??? Frog march time Pig Boy!!!!!!

[Still waiting for the Great Pumpkin!!!!!]

The continuing sage of The Du ConvinceMe Code.

[And just as lengthy.]

Does anyone else feel like a cow on the way to slaughter?
These threads remind me of the cattle walks NYPD uses to keep protestors under control.

[Well, we ARE dining on DUmmies dining on Crow.]

TOMORROW IS D-DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[TOMORROW IS DUmmie-DAY!!!!!!!!!!!]

Since it's been past the 24 hours, Jason Leopold is officially burned by his sources, and he promised to out his sources if the story proved false.

[Crockett AND Tubbs.]

The only thing we don't have is an indictment dated May 12, and that is because IT DOESN'T EXIST! So it is 100% clear the story is bunk.

[Does that mean I have to put the cork back in my champagne bottle?]

So is tomorrow the day? Or am I clutching at straws?

[You're clutching at guffaws.]

You do understand that everywhere other than DU and Truthout, this disproven bullshit from a disgraced journalist has been dismissed and laughed off.

[More accurately, laughed AT. And now to our FINAL Pittstop, TABLE #8 of the Hoaxmas Feast...]

We Stand With You Will, Jason and Truthout!!!!!!!!!

[Leopold or Lobe? Which of you posted that?]

How much crap can you post when NOTHING HAPPENS.

[Will has a bottomless Pitt of crap.]

This is Pitiful...They've thrown us in a NUTBAG thread.....

[You mean Pittiful.]


[Ah nostalgia! Those were the good old days of THREAD #7.]

Maybe it goes back to when Will was drunk and called
us all "Cretins," and worse. I guess he thought we were kind of clueless idiots, too for bothering with the "Fitz Watch" this long.

[It was Pitt's Lonesome Rhodes moment (see A Face In The Crowd for the obscure referential scene near the end).]


Blogger ntk said...

"No one seems to care that Joseph Wilson and Larry Johnson have confirmed this story."

Oooh! Ooh ooh! It must be true! Wilson and Johnson aren't ethically challenged sources!

My guess is that what happened went something like this. Leopold asked his source - Wilson or whoever - for the latest. The source, being your average ethically challenged scumbag, asks for consideration in return. Leopold (or whoever was doing his digging) says, ok, $x dollars in return for any juicy tips. The source then proceeds to make up complete bunk in exchange for the cash.

Result? Embarrassed DUmmies!

One of them gets it:

I don't believe Leopold. I think he made it up, or his source was lying to him.

And this gem of sarcasm:

Of course there's an indictment. Patrick Fitzgerald just has this odd habit of enjoying walking around for a week with an indictment tucked inside the waistband of his boxers.

This is the "Sandy Burglar" technique.

And in closing:

You know what is gonna be FUNNY? The silence from all of the nay-sayers when we find out that Leopold was correct.

... "he said, tears streaming down his acne-scarred cheeks, dripping onto a John Kerry for America 2004 writing pad with his remedial math homework on it."

4:58 AM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...


I'm not really one to make demands...
until now.

I DEMAND that you archive this entire event to at least 3 different forms of media (as well as hardcopy printouts), lock them all in lead-lined safety boxes, and distribute them to various parts of the world for future scholars to laugh their asses off.

Future generations will cackle hysterically over the exploits of DUmmieland, the place where learning from experience is unknown. They will refer to it as the "Lucy/Charlie Brown Football" era.

I wonder what Shillary's reaction was when she found out the announcement that got so much applause was a fake perpetrated by her own party?

She seems like a pleasant person, I'm sure it's "let bygones be bygones".


6:11 AM  
Blogger Capitalist Infidel said...


You keep outdoing yourself. I sure hope Mary Matlin IS reading. That book deal is only 24 business hours away. :)

Sorry, couldn't resist.

9:11 AM  
Anonymous Moonbat_One said...

The 24 Hours of Fitzmas thing had me rolling. Haven't even gotten to the thread yet.

9:22 AM  
Blogger Icarus said...

I'm with Capitalist Infidel - this stuff might actually be publishable! Seriously - consider looking for an agent or sending a query letter to a few publishers.

On a personal note: P.J., I'm really trying to get better about wasting half my word day on the world wide waste of time.

But this Hoaxmas thing is ruining it. I simply can't look away from this trainwreck.

But don't stop just yet. I'm looking forward with relish (and mustard) to the moment Leopold and Pitt finally have to admit the inevitable ....

Time to read the actual DU threads. They're hilarious. Do the DUmmies know we're loving this yet?

9:39 AM  
Blogger Capitalist Infidel said...


I've been a longtime reader here at DUFU. P.J. used to start about every thread with a plea for Mary Matlin to read his site and give him a book deal. If memory serves me right he used to say that he was going to include a "CD rom" with the book. I always thought it was a good idea but what do I know? I'm just a restaurant owner.

9:45 AM  
Blogger Icarus said...

By the way, the best line in the whole thread is an unintentional burst of enlightened rationality:

"A mistake does not equal a lie."

EXACTLY, DUmmie .... thank you for that succinct explanation of how Bush could not possibly have been lying about Iraq! I knew you'd get it!

P.J. - I'd buy the book. And frankly, I think a LOT of people would be fascinated (repulsed? horrified?) to see what liberals say and think and do when they're in their own little echo chambers ...

9:48 AM  
Blogger Icarus said...

ROFL --- reading through the thread, and the VERY NEXT DUMMIE caught what I just caught and replied:

"A mistake does not equal a lie."
Isn't that the freepers most popular defense for Bush and the Iraq war?"

Bingo! Logic works!

Too funny ...

9:49 AM  
Blogger Icarus said...

And it gets even better! Caught in the inescapable grasp of simple logic, here's the twisted, distorted, almost unbelievably dense response the poster gives:

"possibly, but bush* clearly lied
itis exceeding clear that bush* planned to invade iraq when he first entered office. The fact that freepers call a lie a mistake doesn't make the statement that a mistake does not equal a lie untrue"


9:51 AM  
Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

Ohhh, this is just too, TOO, delicious! Bushmas has come early this year!!!

9:52 AM  
Blogger Icarus said...

Hey - PJ - if you haven't seen it, check out Pitt's entry in Wikipedia!!! This whole Hoaxmas thing is all over his entry. It's frickin' hilarious!

Since I'm sure it'll get edited out soon, here's the text:

Taken from Daily Kos:

Get out your brooms, because I am issuing a Formal Declaration of "Shenanigans" on, Jason Leopold, William Rivers Pitt, and Marc Ash. Truthout, I'm sure most know, is the organization which last Saturday put out a story claiming that Karl Rove was indicted one week ago, after a secret 15-hour meeting in which Rove was told he had 24 hours to get his affairs in order.

twalling's diary :: :: From the May 13 article:

During the course of that meeting, Fitzgerald served attorneys for former Deputy White House Chief of Staff Karl Rove with an indictment charging the embattled White House official with perjury and lying to investigators related to his role in the CIA leak case, and instructed one of the attorneys to tell Rove that he has 24 hours to get his affairs in order, high level sources with direct knowledge of the meeting said Saturday morning.

Shenanigans are formerly declared upon "journalist" Jason Leopold for not only penning this fictitious article, but for saying that criticsism of his article (and the "facts" contained within it not coming true) in the blogosphere was fueled by hatred, while at the same time admitting he "looked wrong."

Upon William Rivers Pitt, a Formal Declaration of "Shenanigans" for not only not retracting this story after it was obvious after 24 hours it wasn't true, but for coming out with the ludicrous revisionist version of Leopold's tale, saying he meant 24 "business" hours instead of 24 "normal" hours. This irresponsible bit of languaging caused more than one ridiculous round of discussion in the DailyKos comment area about what, exactly, a "business hour" was, and how one went about measuring 24 of them. I issue a further Formal Declaration of Shenanigans upon Pitt for calling members of the Democratic Underground discussion boards "cretins" for daring to question truthout's credibility, when it was truthout that posted a false story as "truth," not the Democratic Underground discussion boards.

Upon Marc Ash, also of, also a Formal Declaration of "Shenanigans." For when even 24 hours had passed, even 24 business hours, by any measure--railed against anybody who dared question "truth"out's integrity:

For the past few days, we have endured non-stop attacks on our credibility, and we have fought hard to defend our reputation. In addition, we have worked around the clock to provide additional information to our readership. People want to know more about this, and our job is to keep them informed. We take that responsibility seriously.

Marc made a further Ash of himself by further retracting the "24 hour thing":


We reported that Patrick Fitzgerald had, "instructed one of the attorneys to tell Rove that he has 24 business hours to get his affairs in order...." That does not mean that at the end of that 24-hour period, Fitzgerald is obliged to hold a press conference and make an announcement. It just means that he has given Rove a 24-hour formal notification. Fitzgerald is not obliged to make an announcement at any point; he does so at his own discretion, and not if it compromises his case. So we're all stuck waiting here. Grab some coffee.

I've had plenty of coffee since then, Mr. Ash. So much, in fact, that I haven't slept in almost a week. The story still has not panned out. The "non-stop attacks" on your credibility were caused by your organization printing a bogus story. You attacked your own credibility by standing by the false story.

And now I'm issuing a Formal Declaration of "Shenanigans" upon you.

I know, there will be commenters who say "wait and see, Leopold will be proven right." That is ridiculous. We waited the first 24 hours. We waited the first 24 business hours. We waited the "modified" 24 business hours where they are calculated in 8-hour shifts. We grabbed our cups of coffee and still Rove was not indicted last Friday. It is past time for Truthout to retract the story, admit they published a bogus story, apologize for insulting those calling them on their BS, and learn from this mistake.

Tags:, Jason Leopold, William Rivers Pitt, Marc Ash, Karl Rove (all tags)

4:53 PM  
Blogger PJ-Comix said...

LOL on the Wikipedia but the first URL there for the DUmmie FUnnies is incorrect since the address doesn't include BlogSpot in it.

5:11 PM  
Blogger Icarus said...

Somebody fixed the URL before I could even get to it!

And they're on like thread page 17 already - is Rove indicted yet?

6:30 PM  

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