DUmmie FUnnies 06-27-05 ("Here's why Reagan won the 'Greatest American' thing")

If any of you were watching the Discovery Channel’s poll results for the Greatest American last night, it was an amazing sight. When the results were finally announced at the end of the show, a dispirited Matt Lauer immediately tried to explain it away with a bunch of excuses. Why? Because the winner was none other than RONALD REAGAN. Pity poor Matt. All that hype he did for his show and the results were obviously NOT what he wanted. This morning on the Today Show, Matt looked like he just wanted to forget all about his Discovery Channel show and again came up with the excuses such as that Reagan passed away recently, etc.. However, much as Matt disliked the results of his Discover Channel poll, the DUmmies were even more upset. In fact, as soon as Matt last night gloomily announced the winner, I KNEW the DUmmies would be enraged by the results as you can see in this THREAD titled, “Here's why Reagan won the "Greatest American" thing.” So there you go again, DUmmies, with your anger in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, happy that we won one again for the Gipper, is in the [brackets]:

Here's why Reagan won the "Greatest American" thing.

[Because he got the MOST votes from Americans who admired him? But continue DUmmie Chichiri. Let us see if your excuses are any lamer than that offered up by the glum Matt Lauer last night.]

1) The poll was conducted by AOL. Hence, it was most heavily advertised on AOL.

2) AOL is the country's most popular dial-up service.

3) With broadband internet becoming steadily more popular and less expensive across the nation, the largest group of AOLers today are probably rednecks -- or, more broadly (and more politely), those who live in rural parts of the country where broadband is not available and cheap.

4) Rednecks vote Republican.

5) There was only one real Republican in the top five. Everyone else was on our side.

[Actually there were TWO Republicans in the top five since Lincoln was not only a Republican but also the FIRST Republican president. As to your BIZARRE explanation about AOL, dial-up, Rednecks, and Republicans...it makes about as much sense as saying that most people using alternating currents in their home electrical systems are Republicans. Come to think of it, the AOL bit would actually skew it towards Democrats since the head of AOL is a Leftwinger. But thanks for giving us a comedically entertaining explanation for why Reagan won the poll. It was far funnier than Matt Lauer’s dispirited excuses.]

We'll ask several million generally ignorant people to vote on something they know nothing about...how does THAT sound?

[I can already see the new DUmmie rationale as to why the Democrats consistently LOSE elections.]

Death as a career move. It's cause he died recently. That'll idealize anyone, you know what I mean?

[Sorry. You need to try harder. Matt Lauer already came up with that lame excuse.]

What's that tell you about the average I.Q. of a lot of people in this country. Those yokels just stayed home in front of their televisions to prove to the world what a bunch of backward dumbasses they are. All I can figure is that we better take a good look at the educational system in this country or a lot of people are marrying their first cousins.

[A lot of folks did take a good look at the educational system in this country and that is why homeschooling has become so popular.]

Ridiculous when MLK is in the line-up – tho tho my overall reaction is fine - Raygun won - at least * did not even make it to the Final 5. If that had happened we'd know for sure the whole contest was a set up or that we should in fact flee the country immediately (if not sooner).

[Oh go ahead and flee the country now (if not sooner).]

Well hell Vern how many Amuricans take 7 days to bury? A few younger people I know believe he was a great man based on the media orgasm that surrounded his departure.

[And all those folks who stopped on the freeway in tribute to the Gipper as the Reagan funeral procession made it’s way for the final burial were manipulated to do so by the media?]

Vote was split. I think #5 was the biggest reason. All the right-wing folks voted for reagan just because he was a republican. Which is pretty much what I figured would happen.

[Actually the vote was split between TWO Republicans. Reagan AND Lincoln. It looks like YOU need to take a good at the educational system YOU went throught.]

The reason he won was because republicans, conservative etc have no ability to be reasonable, objective and put things into context.

[Unlike the DUmmies who are ever so reasonable, objective, and put things into context.]

So tomorrow when my resident freeper starts to crow about the greatest American being Ronnie, I will simply tell him that no election in which you could vote three times in one week for your choice is worth shit and means that... shit.

[Another great lame excuse.]

When I first voted. I had trouble figuring out how to vote and accidently voted for Reagan. Ugh. It was a strange layout.

[It was that Butterfly Ballot on your cellphone keypad that threw you off you little genius you.]