Friday, January 21, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 01-21-05 ("Captain Pike was an idiot")

One great way to get your post count up to the magic 1000 in DUmmieland is to go into the DUmmie Lounge and post in one of the many non-political discussion. It is much easier to get your post count up this way than to join one of the political discussions since you are much less likely to “out” yourself. As an example, let us join in this DUmmie Star Trek THREAD titled, “Captain Pike was an idiot.” So let us Beam Down to Dummieland observe this Star Trek episode. Of course, any crew member joining us in this adventure named Ensign Smith is sure to DIE so you might as well start building his casket now. The Klingon DUmmie rantings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, with his Phaser set on Stun, is in the [brackets]:

Captain Pike was an idiot. Here he is, on a planet with a woman who is HOT HOT HOT!, and is hot in many different forms, and yet he insists on getting back to the Enterprise. And yeah, Vina, in real life, is a horribly deformed yucko; but the Talosians can make her into anything! And what they make her into is HOT HOT HOT!

[God Bless those Talosians. I only wish they could have worked their magic on a few blind dates I had in the past. One in particular looked just like Nikita Khruschev in drag with a horrible garlic stench on her breath. The Talosians could have made her look like the young version of Sophia Loren but could they also have gotten rid of that horrible breath?]

Hubby and I have discussed this as well. Odd that I agree w/ you, yet he would not

[Maybe your hubby was thinking of calling up the Talosians to give YOU a major makeover.]

I totally agree.....Why go back to the Enterprise, when you can be with that hottie. Plus the fact that the Talosians can make her look hot forever. I would have said, " F**K the Enterprise, I'm staying here!"

[An interesting thing about those Talosians is that they seemed like big headed gay aliens. Perhaps the Talosians were the forerunners to the “Queer Eye” series. Nothing against the Talosians, of course, but I would prefer NOT to enter any Talosian bars. Not that there is anything wrong with being a Talosian.]

You're still right, though - if he'd stayed when he had the chance, he wouldn't have had that accident, and wouldn't have had to go back to the planet. he could have stayed with the hottie, never knowing what she really looked like, and lived a life of sexual bliss and harmony.

[That was a two-part episode, The Menagerie. One of my faves. However, I got a bigger kick out of the episode where Spock had to have sex once every seven years or he would go crazy.]

Of course he was an idiot. That's why they replaced him with the best ST captain ever: James T. Kirk!

[I don’t know about acting but I will admit that Kirk can sing Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds better.]

Yeah, I'm glad they knocked him off and put in Kirk. Kirk was way better! Though I wish Majel could have stayed in her role - she was a hottie, and should have gotten more time on screen in that awesome outfit. She wasn't so interesting as Nurse Chapel.

[At least Gene Roddenberry got to shtoop Nurse Chapel on a regular basis.]

Only when Vina regained consciousness... that's when their fun began! It's a great story all the same...And to think, it's Spock (and not Kirk) who had the idea of getting Pike back to Talos 4 so he could get jiggy with Vina...

[Although Spock only had sex once every seven years, he was also an extreme voyeur. Think Spock wasn’t watching the Pike/Vina action on his viewfinder? Which reminds me, with all that advanced Star Trek technology, how come no X-Rated DVDs on board?]

Jeffrey Hunter was a *terrible* actor...I watched "Menagerie" in recent years, and was struck by just how unutterably awful he was. Shatner looks like a genius in comparison.

[You don’t like Jeffrey Hunter as a Star Trek captain? Fine. But he was THE definitive Jesus and didn’t play the part with an accent like that heathen furriner, Max Von Sydow.]

Did you ever see Hunter play Jesus! I can't even remember the name of the movie -- I couldn't take it.

[Either King of Kings or The Greatest Story Ever Told. I get them confused. And I have accepted Jeffrey Hunter in my heart as the ONE TRUE HOLLYWOOD Jesus.]

Picard wasn't any better. See, only Kirk is da' man here!

[True. I just couldn’t accept Chrome Dome Picard as a Star Trek captain. However, he did portray a great Lenin on Masterpiece Theater's Fall of Eagles.]

He didn't want to be a captive and a guinea pig. It was only after he was imprisoned in his own body that he realized what he'd given up. Fortunately for him, he got a rare second chance for happiness.

[Yeah. I remember Pike was stuck inside of a metal box contraption. He looked like he was halfway into a coma and the only way he could communicate was with a light on the contraption. One blink meant “Yes,” and Two blinks meant “No.” Or was it the reverse? Or was that all communicated via red and green lights? I hate to say this but Ross Perot’s 1992 running mate reminded me an awful lot of Pike in the metal box.]


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