Friday, June 05, 2009

Punditry-Pining Pitt Pumps out the Puff Pieces

Our boy Pitt is BACK, in a big way! In recent weeks, the erstwhile Logorrheal One has gotten off his barstool at Bukowski's and hit the keyboard. The disgraced journalist-wannabe has been pumping out columns for truthoutthewindow, mostly puff pieces kissing the rear end of the Obambi Misadministration (and attacking conservatives, of course). Maybe Will the Shill, reliable party hack that he is, is looking for a paying job. Fuggedabout it, Will! That ship left the harbor on May 12, 2006, when you reported with full assurance that Karl Rove had been indicted.

Well, even if it only wins him yet another chance at Pied Piperdom with his small but amnesiac following in DUmmieland, Wee Willie has been churning out the columns lately--three in the last week! Namely, this
THREAD, "The Most Dangerous Game," and this THREAD, "Sotomayor Derangement Syndrome," and this THREAD, "A Day in the Life."

The Pittster's purple prose will be in Reputation-Repairing Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, wondering if this flurry of activity is impressing the future Missus Pitt, is in the [brackets]:

The Most Dangerous Game

[By the most ostentatious name, William Rivers Pitt]

Rush Limbaugh announced on his radio show that President Obama nominated a racist by tapping Judge Sonia Sotomayor. . . .

[That's terrible! Calling her a "racist"?? Why, she's an ethnist, sexist, wise Latina woman racist!]

Newt Gingrich and Karl Rove have been Twittering their questionable brains out over the last couple of days reasserting the "racist" accusation.

[Karl Rove . . . that name rings a bell. Say, wasn't he indicted a couple of years ago? I thought he was in jail by now. Whatever happened to that, Will?]

Beyond the cries of racism, other voices from the right have contended Obama's high court nominee is a liberal activist, a judicial legislator and someone maybe not quite bright enough to sit on the bench.

[Sounds like perfect qualifications for a Democrat!]

Needless to say, it's on.

[So is Will's laptop, churning out this drivel.]

In its worst iteration, the nomination process can level careers. . . .

[Kinda like reporting bogus journalistic scoops.]

Two such, the failed nomination of Robert Bork and the successful nomination of Clarence Thomas, left behind a residue of resentment and spite that nobody has been able to scrub off the walls to this day.

[Will is still trying to scrub the Fitzmas residue off his walls.]

if Mr. Obama had nominated Jesus of Nazareth to replace Justice Souter, the GOP would now be denouncing Him for favoring a socialist welfare state because He gave away loaves and fishes and circumvented the insurance industry when He raised Lazarus from the dead.

[Will, even Jesus of Nazareth could not raise your career from the dead. I mean, you only manage nine brief comments from your fellow DUmmies. Try again. . . .]

Sotomayor Derangement Syndrome

[Punditry Aspirer's Syndrome]

They called it Bush Derangement Syndrome for eight years: the condition of being berserk with rage, hatred and fear over the acts and actions - nay, even the very existence - of George W. Bush and his administration.

[P3 himself has Chronic BDS.]

After last November, it became known as Obama Derangement Syndrome. . . .

[On the Left, though, it turned into Obama Tingly Leg Syndrome.]

Last week, the malady mutated into a whole new thing - Sotomayor Derangement Syndrome - and boy, but it's a doozy.

[And, wise Latina woman, it's a DUzy!]

Ranting incoherence, brazen racism. . . .

[Are you referring to Sonia's stump speeches or her judicial opinions?]

those suffering from Sotomayor Derangement Syndrome had not only struck the bottom of the barrel in their attempts to tear the Sotomayor nomination down, but had plowed right through the wood and burrowed deep into the slime and ooze beneath.

[It's an oozy! Well, this column didn't work too well either, Will. Only eight DUmmie comments. Next. . . .]

A Day in the Life

[A Try for a Job]

The Obama administration opened the White House doors to NBC correspondent Brian Williams. . . .

[Brian came straight from Post-Katrina New Orleans, no doubt. That, or a tanning booth. Either way, Brian made sure to wear his presidential kneepads.]

the fruits of which became a two-day television special. . . .

[Other fruits can become Democrat congresspersons.]

titled "Inside the Obama White House". . . .

["Take off thy sandals, Brian, for thou art standing on holy ground!"]

Most of it is fluff . . .

[And most of your stuff, Will, is puff.]

among other things, we learn that . . . M&M's taste good . . .

[Obamassiah's M&Ms: Marxism & Megalomania.]

Bo the dog is growing fast . . .

[B.O.'s megalomania is growing fast.]

and Five Guys makes a mean cheeseburger. . . .

[Maybe you can get a job there flipping some, Will.]

but the lasting impression left by the show is how busy a place this White House is.

[The only way you'll see the inside of it, Will, is by taking the tour.]

the question of whether the Obama administration is taking on too many massive tasks came up. Mr. Obama laughed, shook his head and made a good point: "What, exactly, would you have me give up?"

[The whole thing, Barry.]

The President has departed an overseas very-strained-friendship tour through the Middle East. . . . Can't ignore that.

[Will Pitt bungled the Andy Stephenson Situation. Can't ignore that.]

Mr. Obama cannot give up his focus on the deteriorating situation in Pakistan. . . . Can't ignore that.

[Mr. Pitt bungled the Rove indictment scoop. Can't ignore that.]

The month of May has seen a deadly upsurge of violence in Iraq. . . . Hard to ignore that.

[The annals of DUmmieland have seen numerous late-night drunken rants and subsequent recantations by Pitt. Hard to ignore that.]

As if the world wasn't berserk enough already, North Korea abruptly decided to elbow its way onto center stage by detonating a nuclear device. . . . Can't ignore that.

[As if his career wasn't deader than a doornail already, Pitt sat out the 2008 campaign, hoping the phone would ring but it never did. Can't ignore that.]

The long goodbye for General Motors came to an end this week. . . . Can't ignore that.

[But William Rivers Pitt can ignore the Hugo Chavez-style socialism, generational theft, and economic ruin wrought by President Government.]

a new explosion in the so-called "culture wars." . . . Can't ignore that.

[A new explosion of punditry by Pied Piper Pitt. But somehow, most of the DUmmies CAN ignore that! Only eleven comments on this one!]

It almost makes you feel bad for the guy. . . .

[Well, almost. . . . Oh, I was talking about YOU, Will!]

like he's some accidental Atlas who had a whole planet suddenly land on his shoulders. . . .

[We are accidental tourists on Planet Pitt.]

No shrugs allowed.

[No shills allowed. But before we go, Will, let's hear at least one comment from a DUmmie reader. . .]

Not bad but needs a thorough editor.

[Hee! Hee!]


Blogger Tazzerman said...

What a maroon. Let's see what Kid Obama looks like after four years of this.

I'm amazed just how well GWB held up physically.

Wow... :) -tm

6:55 PM  
Anonymous Anon 1:50 said...

Pitt just isn't hitting the buttons, is he? The fatuous drivel is getting a little thin now that the drunken 4AM rants are out.

Must be the Mrs. goading him to find work, but be nice.

Pitt the Whipped.

3:29 AM  
Anonymous Ray said...

"like he's some accidental Atlas who had a whole planet suddenly land on his shoulders. . . ."

Accidental, my ass! Obama campaigned for the job, it wasn't assigned to him. Maybe that's Pitts's problem, no one assigned him a job in the Obama administration and he's feeling a bit left out? Hay, Pitt, that's what happens when you stab your own candidate in the back.

8:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Poor troggy won't be able to resist this one. His slobbering rant ought to be a sight to behold.


9:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"if Mr. Obama had nominated Jesus of Nazareth to replace Justice Souter, the GOP would now be denouncing Him for favoring a socialist welfare state because He gave away loaves and fishes and circumvented the insurance industry when He raised Lazarus from the dead."-DUmmie

Wait... Jesus took the loaves and fishes from people and then gave away 27% of them (via Welfare stats)? I must have read that part of the bible wrong. And I hear those Aramathean insurance companies were tough. Imagine the paperwork Jesus and Lazarus avoided by being as "liberal" as this DUmmie said he was.

11:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

like he's some accidental Atlas who had a whole planet suddenly land on his shoulders. . . .

Is that like being "accidentally drunk"?

"Sorry, occifer...I dinnt really mean to run for prez'dent..."

11:17 AM  

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