Wednesday, May 10, 2006

"An Open Letter to Richard Cohen"---Pied Piper Pitt

On April 29, Pied Piper Pitt bid FAREWELL to DUmmieland and in TYPICAL form returned less than a week later. One would think that Pitt would at least keep a low profile for awhile due to his embarrassing backtrack but NO, he is back with his typical unintentionally comedic bloated grandstanding style. Pitt apparently decided to jump onto the Colbert bandwagon and attempt to ride on his popularity with the DUmmies by posting this melodramatic hyperbole-laden THREAD titled, "An Open Letter to Richard Cohen." And what was Richard Cohen's great "crime" that he is now on the receiving end of a Pitt castigation? He dared to suggest that Colbert, who got few laughs at the recent press roast of Bush, was...not funny. For that high crime, Cohen was on the receiving end of a ton of DUmmie inspired HATE MAIL. For Cohen this was a shock but it is not really a surprise for the readers of the DUmmie FUnnies who are all too familiar with the self-defeating Moonbat attitudes of the DUmmies. So now Pied Piper Pitt has stepped up to the plate, basking in the limelight, as he continues the DUmmie attack on Cohen which really translates into a message of "NOTICE MEEEE!!!!!" And he especially wants to be noticed by Mama T's Boy Toy with whom he wishes to get a PAYING campaign job. So I will now do Pitt a favor by noticing his comic antics in melodramatic Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent who thinks that Pitt's unintentional humor is much FUnnier than Colbert's, in in the [brackets]:

An Open Letter to Richard Cohen

[An Open Grandstand to Richard Cohen]

Greetings! I was inspired to write you after reading your missive in today's Post regarding all the nasty emails you have received of late. Personally, I found Colbert's performance hilarious and timely, the kind of satirical backhand so desperately needed these days. I don't begrudge you your opinion that he wasn't funny, and I agree with your belief that it wasn't your opinion on his performance that motivated such an angry response.

[Greetings! I was inspired to write you after finding out how much interest there was in attacking you. I decided to hop on the bandwagon and grab some of the limelight for myself.]

It wasn't. You yourself nailed the reason: "Institution after institution failed America -- the presidency, Congress and the press. They all endorsed a war to rid Iraq of what it did not have."

[Earth to Pitt: The guy you are trying to impress so you can scam a PAYING campaign job, Mama T's Boy Toy, also ENDORSED that war.]

The fact that your Colbert commentary became the flint against this rock doesn't mean that Colbert or your opinion of him are to blame for the resulting firestorm. The fact is that people are angry - brain-boilingly, apoplectically, mind-bendingly so - at what has happened to this great country. I am, quite often, so angry that my hands shake. Yes, a former high school teacher from New England here, so filled with bile and rage that I sometimes don't recognize my face in the mirror.

[Those shaking hands of yours and the inability to recognize your pasty face in the mirror is the result of consuming too many liquid refreshments at Bukowski's.]

You, sir, should not be asking why so many of your email friends are so angry. You should be asking why you yourself are not with them in their rage. I have admired a number of your articles over these last years, and know that you are no fool regarding our situation in Iraq and here at home. It isn't your grasp of the issues that concerns me, but the absence of outrage. Do you really care about the things you write about, or is all this merely grist for the mill that provides you a paycheck?

[And I bet that Richard Cohen will admire your comedic articles, especially the one about THE THIRD AMERICAN EMPIRE in which you compare America to the Third Reich.]

"I have seen this anger before," you wrote, "back in the Vietnam War era." No, sir, you have not.

[Who do you believe, Richard Cohen? Your lyin' eyes or Pied Piper Pitt's pompous pontifications?]

You hearken back to rock-throwing days in Vietnam, and lament hatred and rage. But you do not see that those days are quaint by comparison given our current geopolitical situation. Johnson and Nixon, whatever else their faults may have been, were internationalists who understood the need for connection to the wider world. The war in Vietnam, barbaric as it was, did not inspire tens of thousands of Vietnamese to join martyr's brigades. It did not threaten to unleash chaos in a part of the world that holds the economic lifeblood of our whole existence. It did not threaten to shake loose nuclear weapons from quasi-rogue states like Pakistan.

[Let's not blame the crazed Islamo-Fascists for their own terrorism. It's BUSH'S FAULT!!!]

You speak of the angry mob because you got slapped around via email, but your characterization of the anti-war crowd tells me you have not spent a single moment out in the streets with them. I have. I have covered dozens of protests, large and small, in cities all across this country before and after the invasion of Iraq. Millions upon millions of Americans participated in these, and never once, not one time, was a rock thrown.

[Notice to Richard Cohen: This is actually the MOST IMPORTANT part of Pied Piper Pitt's spiel. It is the all-important "NOTICE ME!!!" where Pitt puffs himself up. However a bit of a fact check here. Pitt went down to Texas (where he got eaten alive by fire ants for stupidly wearing shorts and sandals outside) to supposedly spend time in the ditch with Cindy Sheehan. In reality, it was just a publicity drive-by where Pitt spent his night at motel with A/C. After about 36 hours of garnering PUBLICITY for himself by glomming onto to Sheehan's star, Pitt split. It is interesting that Pitt is uncharacteriscally modest about mentioning that he was one of the main organizers for a DEMONSTRATION last September in Washington, D.C. because it turned into a complete DISASTER. (Note: Pied Piper Pitt never EVER had any contact whatsoever with the Communist A.N.S.W.E.R. sponsors of that demonstration even though his PDA organization worked closely with them. Pitt maintained his purity by hermetically sealing himself off in a giant body condom so as to avoid infection from those deadly A.N.S.W.E.R. microbes.)]

No violence was offered anywhere, unless it was violence offered to old ladies by riot-garbed police, as was evidenced in Portland several years ago. I have the photographs to prove it. If you want to see anger, enjoy this picture of a 60-year-old woman holding an anti-war sign while being placed in a hammer-lock by a riot cop:

[Do you also have pics of the "non-violent" Seattle protestors from several years ago.]

"The hatred is back," you say, as if such hatred is beyond justification. It is interesting that you make so many allusions to Vietnam; the comparison is apt, yet not on point. This is not a situation of "Then" and "Now," but "Then" and "Again." The two issues are joined by a common theme: official malfeasance, presidential lies, administrative fear-mongering and horrific body counts in a faraway land. The lesson of Vietnam was so searing, many believed, that it would never have to be learned again.

[How about the allusions you made comparing the USA to the Third Reich?]

Why the anger? Because that lesson didn't take, at least with this crowd. Why the anger? Because millions of people are staggered by the idea that, yes Virginia, we have to go through this again. We have to watch soldiers slaughter and be slaughtered for reasons that bear no markings of truth. We have to watch the reputation of this great nation be savaged. We have to watch as our leaders lie to us with their bare faces hanging out.

[This from Pitt who changes his mind every few minutes. Was your announcement to leave DUmmieland a lie or merely another recantation on your part?]

Why the anger? It can be summed up in one run-on sentence: We have lost two towers in New York, a part of the Pentagon, an important American city called New Orleans, our economic solvency, our global reputation, our moral authority, our children's future, we have lost tens of thousands of American soldiers to death and grievous injury, we must endure the Abramoffs and the Cunninghams and the Libbys and the whores and the bribes and the utter corruption, we must contemplate the staggering depth of the hole we have been hurled down into, and we expect little to no help from the mainstream DC press, whose lazy go-along-to-get-along cocktail-circuit mentality allowed so much of this to happen because they failed comprehensively to do their job.

[Here is where Pitt slyly tries to lay blame for 9/11 on Bush without coming right out and publicly endorsing the loony MIHOP/IHOP conspiracy theories so prevelant in DUmmieland.]

George W. Bush and his pals used September 11th against the American people, used perhaps the most horrific day in our collective history, deliberately and with intent, to foster a war of choice that has killed untold tens of thousands of human beings and basically bankrupted our country. They lied about the threat posed by Iraq. They destroyed the career of a CIA agent who was tasked to keep an eye on Iran's nuclear ambitions, and did so to exact petty political revenge against a critic. They tortured people, and spied on American civilians.

[Pied Piper's HATE for Bush almost matches the HATE that Pitt expressed in this SMEAR of Ronald Reagan in which he included a ballad making fun of Reagan's Alzheimer's disease.]

Nah. There's nothing to get angry about here.

[Such as your SMEAR of Ronald Reagan?]

I wrote a book called "War on Iraq" in the summer of 2002. That book stated there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, no al Qaeda connections in Iraq, no connections to 9/11 in Iraq, and thus no reason for the invasion of Iraq. It is now almost the summer of 2006. That book was right then, and is right now, and the millions of Americans who agree with the facts contained therein have shared these four years with me in a state of disbelief, shock, sorrow and yes, anger. None of this had to happen, and the fact that it was allowed to happen inspires the kind of vitriol you got a taste of via email.

[Pitt here not-so-modestly neglects to mention the co-author of that book, Scott Ritter, perhaps because Ritter's ESCAPADES with school girls hit a little too close to home.]

If you want anger, you should try reading some of the emails I get on a weekly basis. The mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, wives, husbands and children of American soldiers killed in Iraq write to me asking why it happened, what can be done, how is this possible. They write to me because I wrote that book, because somehow they think I have an answer to that bottomless question.

[Pitt here creating the ILLUSION that his book is somehow widely read. Oh, and he isn't even close to stepping off his grandstand.]

I am sorry you were so wounded by the messages you received. I wish that hadn't happened; I am personally from the more-flies-with-honey school of journalistic correspondence. But in the end, truth be told, I don't feel too badly for you. It isn't an excess of outrage that plagues this nation today, but an abject lack of it. Instead of castigating those who take an interest, who have gotten justifiably furious over all that has happened, I suggest you take a moment within yourself and ask why you don't share their feelings.

[By now, just about everybody has forgotten that this whole filibuster is supposedly over Cohen's criticism of Colbert's comedy as Pitt continues with his endless cyberspace La Passionara shtick.]

This isn't Vietnam, Mr. Cohen. This is a whole new ballgame, and the stakes are higher by orders of magnitude. It took almost ten years of Vietnam for people to reach the boiling point you are so apparently horrified by (and worthy of note, that rage may have elected Nixon, but also served to stop the killing in Southeast Asia). Should those of us who are angry today wait until 2013 to raise hell?

[Oh go ahead and scream, "NO PASARÁN!" Do it, Pitt! Do it! DO IT! NO PASARÁN!!!]

At a minimum, I suggest you head down to your local hardware store and buy a few sheets of 40-grit sandpaper. Apply it liberally - pardon the pun - to any and all parts of your body that may be exposed to the scary anger of the anti-war Left. Toughen up that hide of yours, and greet the coming days with a leathery mien impervious to a few angry emails.

[I recommend that Richard Cohen tell the arrogant self-righteous Pitt to stick that sandpaper someplace where the moon don't shine.]

Afterwards, you could perhaps figure out why the anger of those who see this war as a crime and this administration as a disaster is so terribly threatening to you. Anger is a gift, after all, one that inspires change. If you don't think we need a change, real change, I can only shake my head.

["See that hoier-than-thou chip on my shoulder? Knock it off! I dare ya!" And now that that grandstanding speech has FINALLY ended, on to the other DUmmie rantings.]

Wonderful letter. I hope he reads it and understands...

[Wonderful letter. I hope he reads it and understands that we are morally SUPERIOR to him.]

My hands shake with anger, too.

[Try getting off the bandwagon and just get on the wagon.]

How do we know for sure Richard C. will see and read this? He absolutely must read it, and I hope it shames him.

[We won't be satisfied until Richard Cohen presents himself at the gates of DUmmieland, drops to his knees and hangs his head in shame while begging forgiveness of us.]

Cohen is a collaborator

[Hey, according to Pitt we are in the middle of the Third American Reich, oops I mean Empire, aren't we?]

Let us retract the foreskin of confusion and apply the wire brush of enlightenment.

[I don't don't know whether to circumscribe or circumcise that statement.]

I date my anger from that December, 2000, decision of the US Supreme Court. It's just been piling on ever since that day.

[So can we know set the date for your institutionalization?]

Yeah, many of us are angry.Damn angry. I am trying to channel my anger into productive, positive action.

[Like smashing your fingers against your keyboard 24/7.]

Do people like Mr. Cohen live in a bubble, cut off from the reality that the average person lives and breathes? That's what it feels like to me when I read some of his remarks -- that he must live in a completely different world than the one I inhabit.

[Thus spaketh an inmate from the bubble asylum known as DUmmieland.]

Wait for the final which I will post soon; I made some changes to this text above.

[The first overlong self-serving grandstand wasn't long enough for Pied Piper Pitt. He now promises us an addendum to his pomposity. So let us now take a look at it HERE.]

P.S. Another reason for the anger you have absorbed can be laid, frankly, at your own feet. There are enough of us around who can still remember your words from November of 2000: "Given the present bitterness, given the angry irresponsible charges being hurled by both camps, the nation will be in dire need of a conciliator, a likable guy who will make things better and not worse. That man is not Al Gore. That man is George W. Bush."

[GASP! Richard Cohen actually wrote something FAVORABLE about Bush! That settles it! Cohen is SATAN!]

Locate a mirror, Mr. Cohen. Stare deep within it. Know full well that today, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, will recast all your yesterdays as having passed like a comforting dream. Your ability to remain within the safe bubble of the beltway clubhouse, drifting this way and that in some meandering, rudderless fog, has ended. Al Gore invented the internet, or so we are told, and some bright-eyed editor decided to staple your email address to the bottom of your works. Welcome to the age of electronic accountability.

[Welcome to the age of electronic self-righteousness (and Pied Piper Pitt Grandstanding).]

The coda reminding Cohen of his own history was an
inspired addition to an already excellent article. Please keep us posted on his response, crickets and all.

[At the DUmmie FUnnies we already have a LONG HISTORY of Pied Piper Pitt's bloviating antics.]

He wrote that Colbert was rude to use that forum. What forum are critics of Bush supposed to use?

[Oh, let's see....NPR, ABC, NBC, CBS, MSNBC, New York Times, West Wing, Boston Public, PBS, etc., etc....]

I was going to ask if it will be sent to Mr. Cohen, but I saw upthread that Jacobin will be sending it to him. He needs some educating.

[The proper leftist/Jacobin term is "re-educating."]

We should all send Cohen Will's letter with the subject title: Read Will Pitt

[Is that you, Will Pitt?]

Sometimes I get so angry I'm incoherent

[Only sometimes?]

Will, When will they start listening to people like you?

[When they break through the time/space dimensional barrier and enter the Alternate Universe.]

Only you and Mike Malloy have the ability to channel my rage...

[Try Art Bell. He's good at channeling.]


Anonymous Anonymous said...

So Wee Willy is mad at George Bush. Message received. But what does that have to do with Colbert or Cohen's opinion of how badly he bombed at the roast?

9:16 PM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

William Rivers Pitt - The gift that keeps on giving...

Kinda like gonorrhea.

2:23 AM  

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