Tuesday, May 24, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 05-24-05 ("I just got off the phone with Gore Vidal"---Andy Stephenson)

One fringe benefit of being a famous scam artist for Andy Stephenson is that he has become a CELEB in his own mind. Yes, Scamdy has now revealed that he speaks to Gore Vidal regularly about twice a month as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “I just got off the phone with Gore Vidal.” What next? Will Scamdy tell us that he communes with the spirit of Truman Capote or shmoozes with the ghost of Tennessee Williams? Enjoy the fame for now Scamdy because methinks you will soon be bunkmates with the essence of Al Capone after this Thursday. As usual the star-struck DUmmie ravings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, channeling author James Jones, is in the [brackets]:

I just got off the phone with Gore Vidal.

[I just had a chit-chat myself with Theodore Dreiser.]

He was asking after my health again and telling me not to worry. He is such an inciteful human. Told me a very funny story about Peter Otolle...which made me laugh out loud!

[A funny story about Peter O’Toole? Just the name alone being bandied about by you two is good enough for lots of laughs.]

We talked politics...the nuclear option and for a few minutes I forgot I was sick. He is very witty and damned nice. I wish I were 20 years older and had known him back when. I like talking to him and it is very comfortable when I do.

[Nuclear option? Are you sure it wasn’t Amy Carter you were talking to, Scamdy?]

Color me starstruck.

[Call it Amore!]

Name dropper!

[Andy could have told you about talking football with Dave Kopay.]

That is the only one I will drop...cause he is my fave.

[Good. Then you don’t have to tell us about how Siegfried, now that Boy is gone, is looking for you to start a new act with him called Siegfried and Goy.]

Yes, he's an amazing man....Very "inciteful". I like the implications of your spelling!

[Yeah. I tremble to think what Gore “incites” in Scamdy.]

Spelling police? but yes he is "inciteful" He thinks Frist is a fool.

[Gore Vidal calls you from Italy to discuss Capitol Hill politics? I BEEEELEEEEEVE!!!]

I think Gore Vidal is the coolest person on Earth Andy. Hope you're feeling ok.

[Andy is feeling great since he knows his pancreatic cancer will miraculously disappear before Thursday.]

I just want the surgery to be over!

[It might never even begin, Scamdy.]

What do you make of "Visit to a Small Planet", Andy?

[What do you make of “Visit to a Small Tumor,” Scamdy?]

Gore said if Frist gets his way Democratic rule here in the US will be dead and we will effectively be a bona fide dictatorship.

[So what is Gore’s DUmmie screen name? “Mopaul?”]

does he talk in private conversation in the same way he does when you hear him in interviews, speeches etc ?

[Exactly the same except with a pronounced lisp.]

He is quite animated and he does talk like he does in public.

[“Hello Scamdy. This is Gore Vidal. Sorry you’re not in but let me leave this message on your machine. Anyway, I will be in Baltimore this weekend and I’m feeling quite animated. Let’s get together for a late night dinner. Make that a VERY late night room service dinner.”]

He said to me in regards to Franken... Well lets just say Gore is not a fan of Franken.

[Why? Did Franken turn him down on having a late night room service dinner with him?]

wow! can i touch you?

[That’s what Gore said to Scamdy.]

Unfortunately...He does not use a computer. He still types on and old Selectric typewriter. When I want to email him something...I have to fax it.

[If Gore did use a computer I can make a good guess as to what type of websites he would be surfing to.]

How did you happen to call him? He is so in another world from us here it seems and that's just great. Are you two friends or something, or did you just call him to chat?

[Didn’t you know that Gore Vidal runs a chat line? He charges $2.95 per minute.]

Yes GV is my friend. I talk to him often and he has been concerned about me. So he called.

[Soooo…. At which bar did you two meet?]

That's some distinguished company you keep there, man.

[Andy loves hanging out with famous meat, uh, I mean men.]

We are friends...I talk to him about 2 times a month.

[Gore Vidal is just one of the MANY MANY famous names on Scamdy’s rolodex along with Richard Chamberlain and Tab Hunter.]


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