Friday, April 29, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 04-29-05 ("Am I the only person to have a 'physical reaction' to Bush?")

If you want to really annoy a DUmmie, just show him a picture of George W. Bush. Often this will also cause the DUmmies' pulse rate to rise dramatically, teeth to grind, and a strong urge to leave a massive load in their diapers as described in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Am I the only person to have a ‘physical reaction’ to Bush?” The answer to that DUmmie question is “NO,” and you are not the only person to have a MENTAL reaction to Bush. Actually the physical reaction is but the outer symptom of a SEVERE medical condition in which DUmmies go absolutely BONKERS when reminded by the mere sight of Bush that they LOST the election in 2004 (after gloatingly celebrating their exit poll “victory” on Election Day). So let us descend into the bizarre mental world of DUmmieland as the DUmmies unembarrassingly shout out their lunacy in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, giving the electro-shock therapy battery a boost, is in the [brackets];

Am I the only person to have a "physical reaction" to Bush?

[No. Thousands of your fellow DUmmies are similarly unbalanced.]

Seriously. I hear "President Bush" and my ears and cheeks burn. When I see him via TV, my abdomen gets tight and my heart rate goes up. When I listen to him, my forehead tightens, my teeth grind and my temples hurt.

[It’s when your diaper gets overloaded with brown sludge that you really have to start worrying.]

I have NEVER had such physical reactions to any human being in my entire life!!! To me, such an experience is totally new and strange.

[I guess the sight of Saddam Hussein merely made you feel warm and fuzzy.]

Am I the only person who is having - has had this experience with any particular person?

[Trust me. You have plenty of company in your insanity, DUmmie Just Me, so let us now observe your fellow inmates.]

I have the same thing. When he comes on the radio in a news report or something, I switch it off as fast as I can. He is not welcome in my home (or my car).

[<>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

I can't listen to him in the car...If I hear his voice, I'm filled with such revulsion that if another vehicle with any sort of "W" or Neoclannish stickers on it drives by when I'm suffering from fits of Shrub-induced rage and nausea, they run the risk of being cursed out and flipped off at the very least. It's like a terrible fog in front of my eyes.

[I must remember to drive by you in my VW with a George W. Bush speech blaring from my loudspeakers.]

It's the fastest I move when he or his voice appear. As for pictures in newspapers, I keep a Sharpie handy and simply black him out. Yes, it's a visceral and intense reaction. I can see a picture of Hitler and have the same reaction.

[<>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

Complete revulsion here. The sound of his voice literally makes me nauseous.

[So that’s why you are constantly barfing on yourself.]

I hate the sound of his voice and detest his smirky ugly face. Everything about him makes my skin crawl. I refuse to watch or listen to him. I've tried and all it does is put ugly thoughts in my mind. I don't need it. May he rot in hell.

[<>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

My stomach turns, my eczema flares up and I get a headache. I also get a strange urge to gouge my eyes out or to stick needles in them.

[Be my guest.]

shouting profanities at the top of my lungs seems to take the edge off.

[Yes, it does seem to take the edge off your mind.]

My blood pressure goes way up everytime I just watch him because what I "see" is deception with pleasure,...or something. It's disturbing. Actually, listening to him is far worse, though. That experience really brings meaning to the "head exploding" phrase.

[<>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

I can stand to look at a still photo of him, but if it's moving and has a soundtrack of him talking, I f*cking lose my lunch.

[The POWER our mighty Emperor, Chimpus Khan, has over you is amazing to behold.]

My husband screams, I feel neausus. My father (Vietnam vet) has taken up throwing things across the room. My mother simply leaves the room (probably to avoid flying objects from my angry father) and busies herself instead of, as she says, "no longer acting like a lady" (she's Southern.)

[Mass insanity, all in one family.]

He gave me Colitis. I kid you not. I have such a visceral reaction to the idiot that the stress of him being in Al Gore's WH, his destruction of our country, his LOOKS , the way he talks, the way he walks...EVERYTHING about him PISSES ME OFF. I'm getting mad right now just thinking about him!....He gave me Colitis. My doctor asked me if I had been under any stress and I couldn't go into one of my anti-Bush rants, so I just told The bastard made me sick...literally. I NEVER watch him when he's on TV. I just cannot do it. I go into a rage. I truly do detest the man.

[Bush also gave you your uncontrollable drool from your overflowing bile.]

Never have detested any other person as much as I detest that man. Just the sight of him angers me. Or a news report about him, sets me off. Or listening to his supporters makes my blood pressure go through the roof. Or hearing the MSM fawn over him royally pisses me off!! That's why my TV stays on C-SPAN all day long. I do not want to hear one thing from or about that creature.

[< max cady laugh>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

That nasal whine hits my ear drums like an icepick. I turn the sound off immediately. I do not know what would happen if I subjected myself to more than a few seconds of this idiot.

[We now know what torture to subject you to in Room 101.]

ust that *smirk* makes me feel like menopause on steroids.... make that menopause on PCP. That *smirk*, that voice, that psychotic arrogance... I can't stand anything, NOT ANYTHING, NOT ONE DAMN THING, about that *%H$)(#$)$%*%*$!!! I flip the channel as soon as there's the slightest possibility of him desecrating my TV. If I don't do it quickly enough, I'm cussing up a blue streak in a way that would put a well traveled sailor to shame... and if my windows are open, the neighbors get an earful. (Keep in mind that if a man cusses in my presence, he typically excuses his indiscretion very politely... perhaps he thinks I might be offended) I am not typically foul-mouthed, but that WH Resident seems to bring this reaction out in me... quite vociferously.

[Uh…speaking of psychotic…]

I get a terrible bout of diarrhea every time he speaks...Would that count?

[Por seguro. La caca en los pantalones cuenta.]

I just get really tense when I see his smiling face. It has to be bad for my blood pressure. They should have warnings like they do on cigarette labels that say something like "This president is bad for your health".

[“WARNING: The sight of a smiling President may be hazardous to an enraged DUmmie’s Mental Health.”]

he makes my body create negative chemicals that piss me off, upsets my stomach and makes it tighter to breathe.

[Unfortunately, he doesn’t make it impossible for you to breath.]

I scream until I can turn off the image or sound bite featuring that one who calls himself the president. I also emit curses and imprecations.

[You forgot to mention your diarrhea and bile emissions.]

I experience a very real stomach churn when I see his image. It is neither a figure of speech nor hyperbole. I grit my teeth when I hear his voice and I've noticed my shoulders tense.

[I’ve also noticed the rabid foam forming around your lips.]

My heart starts beating rapidly. I know my blood pressure must go up. My stomach gets really sick. I think my nostrils even flair!

[Followed by your cojones dropping off.]

I couldn't bear to hear Reagan either. Smarmy insincerity and blatant ignorance, the outright lies, said with a smile in patronizing, condescending tones, it's all just too repugnant to experience, even via tv or radio.

[Reagan? Wasn’t he the one who caused you to have doody explosions in your pants?]

My MD says he's overwhelmed w/people suffering from panic disorder, anxiety, nightmares, stressful feelings because of that smirkin, thieving, lieing chimp!

[Fortunately your MD is equipped with a mobile lobotomy kit.]

My ears get stuffed up when I hear his phony Texas accent...And although I'd like to interpret that symptom in a psychoanalytic fashion, i.e., my ears are stopping up because I don't want to hear his lies, I'm certain that the ear stuffiness is a by-product of rising blood pressure.

[…And boiling bile.]

I get physically ill. The my stomach gets in a knot at the site or sound of him. I simply CANNOT stand him! It is almost like an extreme allergic reaction...anaphylactic shock type of reaction. My breathing gets rapid, heart beat increases, blood pressure goes up, and I must rush to the radio or TV andget rid of his image or sound.

[Take a 10 gallon yogurt enema and see Dr. Kellogg in the morning.]

No--my blood pressure goes up and I always reach for food.

[The 10 gallon yogurt enema that just went through the body of Dr. Kellogg’s patient?]

My Blood Pressure goes up and I get an awful jolt, like I'm being attacked. It really sucks. Then my family, all repubs, call and try to needle me for fun. It sucks and it is aging me. I got rid of cable TV to protect myself from visceral rage and deep disappointment over the direction of my country.

[< max cady laugh>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

I'm on meds now that I've NEVER been on before. That primate is making me crazy. The thing that saddens me is that I have two co-workers who give me the same visceral gut-wrench whenever they walk into my office. They're both nice ladies, but they fill me with disgust because they believe all that "man of God" crap he peddles.

[“Making you crazy?” Trust me. It’s a pre-condition.]

I instantly wince.

[Followed by wetting in your diaper.]


Blogger Icarus said...

That may be the most sweetly Schaudenfreudelischious thing I've ever read! Thank you, DUmmies ... that was wonderful!

Note: the above word may have been mispelled. Then again, it's not a real word and I have it patented. So bite me.

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