Wednesday, December 29, 2004

DUmmie FUnnies 12-29-04 AM Edition (Pied Piper Pitt Does Gandalf The Wizard Impression)

Pied Piper Pitt, aka William RIVERS Pitt, after having his promise of something WONDERFUL happening on Monday (after the snow dog ate his homework last week) go up in smoke, is now trying to change the subject and cheer on the DUmmies with a dopey pep talk as we can see in this Dummie THREAD titled, “This is a great time to be alive.” This posting follows on the heels of a dopey story that Pied Piper Pitt posted yesterday about some guy who is a milkman who tries to be a dogcatcher (or was it the other way around or was it garbage man instead of a milkman). In any event yesterday's milkman-dogcatcher (or whatever) story was so obscurely ridiculous that even most of the DUmmies refused to be influenced by it (if they could even figure out what the story meant). So today, Pied Piper Pitt, has come back with another story, obviously influenced by watching the Lord of the Rings a few times too many. The REAL purpose of today’s silly story isn’t to rally the DUmmies. It is to make them forget that Pitt in his role as a political carnie barker did not come up with the goods at his circus sideshow. The Kerry signature on the insignificant legal filing by the Greens and the Libertarians got next to no press coverage with the sole exception of Keith Olbermann who pretty much discounted its importance. Therefore, Pied Piper Pitt has donned a Lord of the Rings costume and is trying to play a heroic tune on his pipe. Unfortunately, the Pied Piper Pitt’s pipe keeps hitting sour notes that don’t ring true. So YOWZA, YOWZA, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the DUmmie circus sideshow act! Step right into the tent and watch the Pied Piper Pitt do his AMAZING cheerleader act! Pitt’s performance and the DUmmie cheers (and heckling) are in Bolshevik Red while the review of your humble correspondent, critiquing Pitt’s act, is in the [brackets]:

This is a great time to be alive. Ask yourself: What kind of time would you like to live in?

[A kind of time like right now when the DUmmies, after having gloated excessively on Election Day when the believed the phony exit polls giving the victory to Kerry, had their Champaign go stale on them when the actual results came in. They then proceeded to provide us with great comedic entertainment by vainly trying to prove non-existent vote fraud while engaging in extreme fantasies of Kerry being inaugurated in January. (The “I Believe” threads are among my faves although Pied Piper Pitt’s performances are up there too.) In any event, please proceed with your latest pipe fluting Pitt…]

Would you like to live in a time with no great question, no great struggle, no great contest? I do not believe in Utopia, in a world of peace, because men are men and testosterone is addictive, and because power must always be held by someone and will therefore corrupt absolutely. But there have been times when people have only had to worry about their immediate surroundings, about their lawn or their crop or whether the King will conscript them to go fight the enemy across the sea. There is a peace in this, a peace in being absolutely powerless. Would you like to live in that time?

[It sounds like Pitt is doing a Gandalf the Wizard impression here trying to rally the DUmmie Hobbits against the dark forces of Mordor. Proceed, Pitt, this is getting funnier and funnier…]

Or would you prefer to live in a time where a great question is before you, where there is a great struggle, where there is a great contest? The gamble here is the slim, good, or certain chance of absolute defeat. Being involved at all means you have power, you have a say, you can determine the fate of the planet beyond the reach of your arm. Being involved means you must face the consequences of involvement, be there defeat or victory. Any wise person will tell you of the hazards to be found down either path, each hazard being equally deadly. Winning can be worse than losing, though both are in play.

[The fate of Middle Earth is in your hands, DUmmie Hobbits. Rally to your great Wizard, Pied Piper Pitt. And speaking of the latter, please continue with your Gandalf the Wizard impression…]

What say you? Where do you stand?

[We DUmmie Hobbits are with you Oh mighty Gandalf! Please finish your uplifting speech on a high note…]

I say this is a great time to be alive, and if defeat is to come, then let it find me on my feet, and not on my knees.

[YES! YES! We shall follow you into the Land of Mordor to Mount Doom where we shall fight the Freeper Orcs for in the Final Battle for control of the Middle Earth!]

Right on, William!!! and nothing is truly valued unless we fight for it!!! Winning back our Constitution and many other things will be well worth it ...

[Ah! A DUmmie Hobbit apparently joins the Fellowship of the Ring.]

I know not where others stand, for me give me liberty or give me death!

[On to Mount Doom!]

I remember seeing you on CSpan and thinking what a great speech you made.Within two days you posted a drunken screed bitching at DUers because they weren't acting like you wanted them to.You have done this repeatedly over the years Will,and you know it.Within the last couple of weeks you ran up to GD04 and called it a shitty swampo,and that this was the place where things were getting done.You ride the high horse continuously,but I've seen some of your emails to others and you're one of the nastiest people around if one isn't a groupie-like sycophant sucking up to you.

[You lousy Elf! How dare you cast aspersions upon the Great Gandalf, aka Pied Piper Pitt! For this act of HERESY I hereby revoke your powers of (almost) Eternal Life!]

As for the 'sycophant' stuff, that is nonsense. I get my ass kicked on this forum on a daily basis, because I participate in a way you have never approached. If I was interested in attacking people because they didn't agree with me, I'd have to quit my job and no nothing but respond to that. And again, since we're being honest here, I suggest you find a mirror. The post of yours above is the longest thing I have seen you write on this forum since you showed up. 95% of your posts are one-line snark attacks, hit and run bullshit that does nothing but cause trouble and hurt feelings. I've written 500 words to your one on this forum, and if some of those words have been ill-chosen, well, that's the result of having the balls to do more than snipe and flee.

[Attaboy, Gandalf! Way to tell off that naysaying Elf!]

You're getting a slice of fame,and like many you seem torn on how to act.I suspect you just want to be yourself and have a snarky exchange now and then,but then you also seem to want people to take your writing seriously.Unfortunately you're trying to both to the same audience,and it's something that rarely worksd for anyone.I've seen it happen to a close friend who is very popular in music right now.It's not a postion I'd wish to be in myself.I might be acting the same way.Contrary to what you think I hope you can find a balance between the two that's acceptable to you and your fans.

[Don’t discourage Pied Piper Pitt. It’s FUN to watch him do the Gandalf the Wizard impression.]

I am about to crack 30,000 posts. I've been here since May of 2001. I have gone through a hundred evolutions in that time, regarding candidates, priorities, beliefs, hopes, fears, personal issues - had a marriage blow up on me while I was here, and the agony of that lasted more than a year - etc.

Look. I'm just another activist who happens to write well enough to get a message through. At some point I crossed a terminator and became a 'personality' here, and out there. For a long, long time, I fought it. I just wanted to post like any other DUer, to vent my spleen like anyone else and to be obnoxious like anyone else and to be contradictory like anyone else. This place was my security blanket, where I could freak out (!!!!111) and enjoy the catharsis.

In the last year I have forced myself to understand that I can't do that anymore, and believe me, it has been hard. When I came here, I was NOBODY, just another poster needing help and support. Sometimes I fail at it these days, but not nearly as much. You are right to say that I have been an ass here on many occasions, but a lot of people here are asses on many occasions, yourself included. I didn't want to deal with the added burden. I hope that makes sense.

[Hmm… I am VERY impressed, Pitt. Perhaps I underestimated you. Up until now I thought you were doing a Gandalf the Wizard impression but now you are sounding more like Aragorn. Must check my “Return of the King” references.]

I know I'm ass but nobody looks up to me for guidance (thank the Lord for that).Your trying to deal with that is exactly why the poster who inferred I was jealous is wrong.It's a sucky position that I dont wish on anyone,and one of the reasons I dont post long things.The day people start taking me seriously is the day I have to act it.Joking is my only mechanism for not just sticking my head in the oven and if it's ever taken from me I'm fucked.DU is still my catharsis,and I want it to stay that way. As for the marriage thing,I can sympathize.My wife left me last week ( I can't imagine why! I'm so lovable and easy to get along with lol).

[Most likely your wife couldn’t deal with your OBSESSION with an election that has been OVER for nearly 2 months.]

I wouldn't want to be in Will's place at all,ever. I feel that he defeats his own purpose by insulting people then trying to rally them then insulting them then trying to rally them ad nauseam. Trust me,it's been going on for years here.I honestly do respect Will's talent,but he does himself no favors by lurching back and forth between the rah rah stuff and the scolding.The scolding and rude posts detract from from his good stuff and turns off many of the same people he wants to help,and who otherwise might help him.He's one person playing both the good cop and the bad cop.

[When Pitt is in his scolding mode, he sounds more like Gimli the Dwarf. However, I find his Gandalf the Wizard shtick much more entertaining!]

You know Will, I owe you a debt of gratitude. Back about two years ago, I was going totally nuts trying to figure out the reasoning behind going into Iraq. I spend days non-stop on the computer, trying to figure it out. One of those days I came upon an article you wrote about how you could possibly explain the whole thing to your daughter, how the neo-cons had hijacked the administration and their philosophy and background. It was the first piece of the puzzle that I found that made a bit of sense to me about the whole thing. You've been helping me and others try to make sense of the whole thing ever since. Keep up the good work, you have the gift of a voice that reaches people and shines some light of the truth into the darkness.

[Gandalf the Wizard has great wisdom.]

To die with the illusion intact is musical chairs. Sooner or later the music stops, and somebody's kids wind up standing there with nowhere to go. That seems to be our lot, and we can either be bitter about it or fight it. That's all I'm saying.

[Hmm… I need to check to find if the inspiration for this quote was in “The Fellowship of the Ring” or “The Two Towers.”]

I would prefer to live in a world where the future is secure. I would prefer to live in a world where our children are not drafted into unholy wars, and where faith and trust in our government is still warranted. Alas, we must play the hand that we are dealt and it appears that history is calling upon us. While I do not welcome this fight, I will not shirk from it. I stand with those battling for truth and freedom. I am in for the long fight, because I feel there is no other choice. It is a great time to reflect on exactly what being an American really means and what we are willing to sacrifice to preserve this Nation and our freedom.

[GREAT Frodo impression!]

At no time in history has the future been secure.
It has never happened. Ever. The differential has been, simply, whether the people have been aware of that or not. The Romans felt secure, and then Honorius saw the Visigoths come over the seventh hill. The walls of Troy lent a feeling of security, until Hector fell.

[Beware a Gift bearing Greeks.]

"I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened." Films can be instructive. Oh yeah, books, too.

[And if anybody thinks my comparison of Pied Piper Pitt to Gandalf the Wizard is mere hyperbole, I present Pitt’s own quote above as evidence to the contrary.]

"The day may come when mankind is beaten and humbled and has no will to stand. But that day is not THIS day. THIS day we FIGHT!"

[Anybody out there know the source of this LOTR quote? I’m not quite the expert on LOTR that Pied Piper Pitt or this DUmmie Hobbit appear to be.]

"Always after a defeat and a respite, the Shadow takes another shape and grows again." "I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.

"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do the the time that is given us. And already, Frodo, our time is beginning to look black. The Enemy is fast becoming very strong. His plans are far from ripe, I think, but they are ripening. We shall be hard put to it. We should be very hard put to it, even it it were not for this dreadful chance."

[The LOTR floodgates in Dummieland have OPENED!]

We are blessed in a weird sort of way to have had the illusion removed. We are part of the reality based community and that is a good thing. Of course, it took me seven years of therapy to embrace the realities, inner and outer.

[Suggestion: Commence another seven years of therapy.]

Bush has enveloped the world in a Cult of Death. Many will suffer and many will die. Every day that I can survive is a sort-of-great-day. Utopia is what the Cult of Death is now offering. Most people in this country have no idea of what we are talking about. Sad, really sad.

[George Bush as Saruman? But wouldn’t that role be more proper for Karl Rove?]

A little romantic and melodramatic don't you think.....The idea of being alive during great struggle may be a romantic and attractive notion but I don't necessarily agree that being involved means "you have power", "you have a say" and "can determine the fate of the planet". That's a bit melodramatic isn't it?

[Absolutely not. The future of Middle Earth rests on the fate of the One Ring.]


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