Monday, December 27, 2004

DUmmie FUnnies 12-27-04 PM Edition (DUmmie Flames His Underpants)

A little change of pace away from the political scene with this edition of the DUmmie FUnnies. For you Freepers who want to know how to get your Dummie post count up while in DUmmieland without being exposed, simply go to the DU Lounge or General Discussion sections and you will find many non-political discussions in which you can get your count up. Sometimes the discussions, such as about movies, can be interesting and sometimes as in this case, it can be hilarious. In this discussion, Freeper LostInAnomie rails against certain kinds of underwear in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Whoever invented boxers with buttons in the front is a GOD DAMNED IDIOT!” I don’t have too much problems with buttons but I sure do sympathize with general problems with boxer trunk underpants. I remember that all boxer trunk underpants made in Bangladesh were always at least two sizes too small. The only thing I could figure out is that a large person in Bangladesh would be the same as a person with a small waist here because they don’t have food in Bangladesh. The other day I bought boxer trunk underpants made in China. Okay, they fit fine around the waist but the bottoms were very tight around the leg calves. So tight that the other day at the library it felt like they were cutting off my blood supply. I didn’t want there to be an obituary for me in the newspaper saying that I was killed by my own underpants so I went into the bathroom and cut slits into the sides of the boxer underpants. Okay, that might seem extreme but it was definitely preferable to dying. Another time I was driving on the highway and felt somewhat uncomfortable below the waist. I checked and found out I accidentally put my underpants on backwards. Suddenly I had a panic attack about being in an accident and the paramedics discovering me with that pair of underpants on backwards. What kind of excuse could possibly explain that away. One final note, I don’t know how any guy could possibly wear briefs. They have NO breathing room. But enough of my underwear problems, let us join the DUmmie discussion on this subject. The DUmmie underwear observations are in Bolshevik Red and the commentary of your humble correspondent, wearing only a T-Shirt and a pair of buttonless boxer trunk underpants is in the [brackets]:

Whoever invented boxers with buttons in the front is a GOD DAMNED IDIOT!

My girlfriend bought me a package of boxers for an Xmas gift hoping that it would be something that i would be able to get some use from. Since laundry day is quickly approaching I threw them on today without noticing that they are button fronts, and I AM HATING IT!

Who the hell thought these things would be a good idea? Why would I want to make it harder to go take a piss? JEEZUS, when I've got to take a leak I have to spend an extra 5-10 seconds fumbling around before I can get it out to go. If I leave the button open my dong goes flopping out the front and I feel like some kind of pervert walking around work knowing that only a zipper is between my package and the world.


[I sympathize with Dummie LostInAnomie in his boxer underpants problem but I prefer buttons to NO slits at all. I recently saw a flea market vendor selling such underwear for just a buck each. I was tempted to buy some but the impracticality of NO slits kept me from doing so. What was I going to do? Pull down my pants and underpants both whenever I had to relieve myself. I might be able to tolerate that in the privacy of my home, but to do that at a public urinal might give the otherly gendered types frightening ideas about me. So I would rather tolerate buttons than no slits on boxer trunk underpants. As for the “dong” problem, just leave a couple of buttons fastened and you can cut your “fumbling around time by a least a couple of seconds.]

i wear nothing, but tighty whitey's

[No breathing space. I hate those “tighty whitey’s.” I’ve worn boxer trunk underpants for years before they were considered kewl just for the sake of comfort.]

i wear boxers -- if it flops out -- it flopout.

[Seeing as how there is a Rainbow flag icon next to DUmmie xchrom’s name leads me to believe that he is a bit too anxious to have a “flopout.”]

Forgive my ignorance. But why don't you have the flopping out problem with regular boxers? Don't they just have a flap/slit? Is there some sort of trick I haven't noticed.

[I was wondering the same thing myself. Thank you for verbalizing my thoughts.]

Because... when unbuttoned the hole in the front is of ridiculous proportions. On boxers without buttons the hole it just right.

[Thank you for clearing that up. Actually I do have a few sets of boxers with just one button on the slit. They are rather superfluous since when they are unbuttoned, the slit is still just right. So I just leave them unbuttoned in case of emergencies. You just never know when too much iced tea (as happened to Algore) suddenly catches up with you….or you suddenly meet up with Petra Verkaik.]


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