Wednesday, November 29, 2006

"Jonathan Alter just said on Olbermann that Kerry is 'through'"

One of the most FUn things to watch over the course of the next year as the Democrat presidential primary season shifts into gear will be the INEVITABLE mental meltdown of John F. Kerry when he finally realizes that he WON'T be nominated. I predict incredible fireworks bursting out of his head as he does NOT go gently into the night. So far it seems that the only person who thinks that Kerry has a chance is...Kerry. A recent poll even stated that he was the LEAST likeable of all the Democrat candidates. Even his Breck Girl '04 running mate stands a better chance than he does. And now the Democrats and liberals are already writing Kerry off as you can see from the title of this DUmmie THREAD, "Jonathan Alter just said on Olbermann that Kerry is 'through'." Yes, it seems that Kerry will be the last to know that he is "through" but at least he will provide incredible comedic entertainment when anger gets the best of him. Here is a guy who has worked almost his entire life for just ONE goal---to become the JFK of Hyannisport and within the next year it will all come crumbling down around him. Oh well, at least he will have Mama T's loving arms open to him for solace as he tries to get his allowance increased. So let us now watch the Left write off Kerry in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, posting this latest DUFU edition from County Kohn in Ireland, is in the [brackets]:

Jonathan Alter just said on Olbermann that Kerry is "through" as a presidential candidate.

[So what else is new?]

Unfortunately, I have to agree with him. such a shame. I really, really like Kerry.

[Such a shame you really, really don't have Kerry's back.]

yeah Cat, it is a shame but it's true I fear

[Better send the news to Mama T before she flushes another 50 million bucks down the Kerry campaign toilet.]

You people really cry about Bobby being taken down by a bullet and then turn and fret about a takedown for a dropped PRONOUN, fer chrissakes?

[All that stood between Kerry and the presidency was "us."]

I'm not counting him out just yet. A lot can happen and he wants in.

[Kerry is outside in the cold looking in at Hillary, Obama, and the Breck Girl dining in the warm flow of the Presidential Primary Restaurant.]

if he could only remember the punchlines to his jokes.....
...then he would make a viable candidate. i'm afraid his career as a comedian will be limited to opening up for michael richards at the laff stop.

[That's the LAUGH FACTORY. My friend and LAUGH FACTORY owner, Jamie Masada, wants you to remember that. L-A-U-G-H F-A-C-T-O-R-Y.]

He's done. He gave it a good run, but not quite good enough.
The swiftboating that went unanswered and the lame joke that came up short would be back to haunt him if he ran again. He's my senator, but I think any chance for a ticket to the WH is over.

[He's done. Chuck the Shmuck swiftboated Kerry.]

I don't think he would have apologized...if his fellow Democrats, always one step behind, hadn't harrased him into it. Hillary Clinton knew what he was talking about but, rather than stand beside him, used it as a cheap opportunity to knock a potential rival. Screw her.

[Bill certainly doesn't.]

Anyone who still thinks Kerry stands a chance is utterly delusional.

[How dare you call Kerry delusional!]

My feet are planted firmly on the ground, and I still support him and I think he has a chance.

[My feet are planted firmly on quicksand.]

He's not a real potential candidate. He's toast asking to be reheated.

[And don't forget to add the refried Boston beans.]

Even if he were the best guy on the planet, he is a lousy candidate. You might as well accept it.

[According to Morgan Fairchild, he is also lousy in the sack.]

The Swiftboat Liars did a tremendous amount of damage. May they all come down with painful boils in nether regions.

[May the fleas of a thousand camels settle between the legs of Mama T's Boy Toy.]

With the money he has, there is NO good reason for not spending some of it on a PR firm to burnish his image and make him seem "just like a real Democrat" (as opposed to seeming more like a Republican in Drag).

[Maybe Kerry could hire Lonesome Rhodes to teach him how to smile warmly.]

In 2004, just about everybody I spoke with told me they were voting for Kerry not because he was a great Senator, but because Bush sucked so much.

[So they voted for Not Bush, Not Kerry.]

That said, the 2008 season hasn't started yet. This is lame duck season, and once 2007 starts in earnest, I think you'll start hearing a lot more from Kerry, and all of them, about their visions for America. That said, he has presented several good ideas in speeches over the past year, but they were only covered by MA media.

[You're gonna be back in television. Only it won't be quite the same as it was before. There'll be a reasonable cooling-off period and then somebody will say: "Why don't we try him again in a inexpensive format. People's memories aren't too long." And you know, in a way, he'll be right. Some of the people will forget, and some of them won't. Oh, you'll have a show. Maybe not the best hour or, you know, top 10. Maybe not even in the top 35. But you'll have a show. It just won't be quite the same as it was before. Then a couple of new fellas will come along. And pretty soon, a lot of your fans will be flocking around them. And then one day, somebody'll ask: "Whatever happened to, a, whatshisname? You know, the one who was so big. The number-one fella a couple of years ago. He was famous. How can we forget a name like that? Oh by the way, have you seen, a, Barry Mills? I think he's the greatest thing since Will Rogers."]

Kerry's lack of traction speaks to so much of what is wrong with the political culture in America.

[Is Kerry's lack of a sense of humor our fault too?]

Betcha Barrick becomes their Democrat of choice in 2008.

[Sounds like the name of a new comic strip: "Betcha Barrick."]

John Kerry is probably one of the most courageous, if not the most courageous, people in the entire U.S. Senate.

[John Kerry is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life. Raymond Shaw too.]

(You can now access the DUmmie FUnnies simply by typing "DUmmieFUnnies.Com" into your URL address box.)

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Blogger heldmyw said...

I can feel the meltdown...

Buh-bye John!

I'm just glad he got close enough to smell the power, to taste it, to imagine it was HIS...

It's going to make the door slam on slimey ol' flipflop louder, more penetrating, and much more delightful!

Never was a man less deserving of being Commander-in-Chief of all of the Armed Forces of The United States of America.

3:48 PM  
Blogger JorgXMcKie said...

This is pretty funny, coming from the 'reality-based community.' I haven't seen a looser connection to reality for many, many years.

6:39 PM  
Blogger dave in boca said...

JFK stands for[J]ust [F]or [K]erry according to fellow Democrat from Taxachusetts Whitey Bulger, or is it Billy Bulger?

I get these MassDems mixed up except for Barney Franks. For him I get all excited.

10:00 PM  

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