DUmmie FUnnies 03-30-06 (DUmmies SUffering From B.I.T.S. ---Bush-Induced Tourrette's Syndrome)
We've all heard that liberalism is a mental disorder. Regular readers of the DUmmie FUnnies already know this to be true. We have seen thread after thread posted in DUmmieland about the vast numbers of meds they take, how they consult astrology to predict the end of the EVIL Bush Regime, or how they are creating their own alternate reality in which either Al Gore or John Kerry is President. The insanity list goes on and on and on. However, we now have testimony from the DUmmies themselves that they suffer from from a mental disorder as a result of Bush and conservatives. The admission can be seen in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "My name is WestHoustonDem and I suffer from B.I.T.S." B.I.T.S. for you unenlightened folks is defined by the DUmmies themselves as "Bush-Induced Tourrette's Syndrome." Since I live in South Florida, where PEST (Post Election Selection Trauma) is rampant, I can assure you that B.I.T.S. is NO figment of the imagination. In fact, according to a Boca Raton News ARTICLE, PEST is actually covered by medical insurance so it wouldn't be surprising if B.I.T.S. gets the same coverage. I know of a woman who suffers from both PEST and B.I.T.S. since she told me she couldn't watch TV ever since the 2004 election for fear of accidentally seeing Bush on the screen and breaking out into a loud cursing fit. Hopefully she will be able to get her medical insurance to pay for the treatments of both ailments since they are closely related. So let us now plumb the depths of DUmmie despair as they they make their B.I.T.S. confessionals in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, observing the sufferers of B.I.T.S. who have lost their WITS, is in the [brackets]:
My name is WestHoustonDem and I suffer from B.I.T.S.
DO YOU SUFFER FROM B.I.T.S.?
(Bush-Induced Tourrette's Syndrome)
? Do you yell and scream at the television whenever President Bush gives a speech?
? Has your use of profanity increased dramatically over the past five years?
? Have you made up new curse words because the old ones just don't cut it anymore?
? Have you nursed a hangover because you used a republican speech to play a drinking game and the "trigger" word (WMDs, 9/11, terrorists) was repeated more than a dozen times in less than 15 minutes?
[Is that you, SUSAN ESTRICH?]
My name is SharonRB and I suffer from B.I.T.S. I'll be the first to admit it. Do you know the cure?
[You can seek counseling by calling the B.I.T.S. Hotline--- 1-800-BUSH-WON]
The only cure is Chimpeachment!
[I'm Chimpressed at the depth of your diagnosis, Dr. DUmmie.]
OMIGOD! THAT'S what I have!!! That explains so much!
[Isn't it GREAT! You now know the exact nature of your mental disorder!!!]
Welcome to B.I.T.S. Anonymous!
[My name is DUmmie benburch and I 7$%@*! have B.I.T.S. because of that $&^@#&%$$#!!! BUSH!!!]
B.I.T.S. Anonymous is a great place to vent.
[B.I.T.S. Anonymous aka DUmmieland.]
My name is Kadie and I suffer from B.I.T.S. at least now I know I am not alone.
[True. You are joined by all the rest of the DUmmies minus the LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS!!!]
My name is Bob and I am an alcoholic with
B.I.T.S. I haven't had a drink in nearly 21 years, but I sure hate that asshat, motherf*cking, goddamned election-stealing, phony bible-thumping, glob of mexican food diarrhea, low-life f*ck wad, douche-bag, Santorum smear (Google it), that pretends to be the president.
[After you are finished with your B.I.T.S. attack, DUmmie Bob, pour yourself a good stiff drink to calm yourself down.]
My name is DVJNU and I, too, am in the throes (NOT the last throes, mind you) of BITS. I don't see recovery in my future until 2008. Ain't that a BITS?
[I predict a big B.I.T.S. relapse in 2008 when you discover that Karl Rove has chosen Hillary as your nomineee. Then you can suffer from K.I.T.S. (Karl-Induced Tourrette's Syndrome).]
Hi, my name is Dudley and I am an alpha-BITS vector
which means I had BITS even before the 2000 election and have subsequently infected many others with BITS.
[Uh-Oh. We may have identified the Patient Zero of B.I.T.S. in the form of DUmmie Dudley_DUright.]
Do you keep a supply of soft squoooshy things near your TV seat? That way when the leader of the free world manifests himself on your TV screen you have something ready to throw at him that won't cause you serious financial hardship. Potholders are good. They make a nice satisfying slapping sound but are guaranteed not to shatter the screen.
[How about a Karl Rove Kewpie Doll?]
I am Stinky The Clown and I suffer from B.I.T.S.
All day .... every day .... morning till night .... and sometimes in my dreams.
[As well as in your delusions.]
I won't let myself watch tv news except for the Daily Show..come to think of it I do "yell and scream" whenever Jon has on some fascist spewing idiot or the idiot-in-chief clips. It's a good thing I stopped drinking alcohol in 2002!
[It's also a good thing you stopped thinking in 2002!]
I have suffered with this malady for nearly 6 years!
Chocolate helps! Margaritas and herbal calms help too!
[And Depends helps as well.]
i am xiamiam and i have B.I.T.S...my mouth also hung open for about 2 yrs when i watched SCOTUS help the 2000 election get stolen..but I thought it would get better..everyday some piece of me felt paralyzed..especially my heart..I hated everyone who pretended that everything was normal..i became afraid to travel to foreign countries...i spent abnormal amount of time on the internet trying to find real news before dawn...never sleep thru the night since 911..are these also symptoms?
[Absolutely! You may now put in an insurance claim for B.I.T.S. therapy.]
I feel like I've finally come home to a group of people who know what I'm going through. It gives me strength to get through this.
[SNIFF! It's just so touching to see the beginnings of a B.I.T.S. support group.]
My middle finger automatically goes up whenever I hear clips of him on the radio; I mute the tv and give the same salute while trying to stifle the urge to . I've taught my kids to say "Bush**" if they want to utter anything that wouldn't be appropriate for someone their ages to say. I drink a beer or two or a glass of wine every night before I go to bed whereas I didn't drink much at all for a couple of decades! During one of the SOTU addresses my kids and I were throwing petzels at the tv every time that he smirked, told a blatant lie, etc., and during the first 10 mins. we had to adjust our parameters because we had a large pile of pretzel pieces in the floor and were afraid it was going to get totally out of hand! Thanks for giving it a name besides just feeling Bush**whacked!
[It sounds like your entire family needs to be taken in for a B.I.T.S. Group Therapy Session presided over by Dr. Buddy Rydell.]
Finally a support group.... I suffer from B.I.T.S. too, but I believe I have a even more severe case, because I seem suffer from hives every time I see a republican/conservative on TV.
[I bet the sight of Dick Cheney makes you break out with Jock Itch.]
I have B.I.T.S. avoidance syndrome! When he comes in, I go out! I really have an aversion to his visage. I have to leave the room or change the channel.
[Try doing what the PEST suffering woman I mentioned at the beginning of this missive does. Just avoid TV altogether for the next few years so you don't risk accidentally seeing Bush.]
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
I am so afflicted.
I told my dad a few weeks ago, when he was at my house watching the POS give a speech:
"Turn it off. I hate him"
dad: why? that is so silly, he's the president, you should at least respect the office.
me: "This is my house, I don't want to hear or see that lying piece of shit in my house. He makes me want to vomit and shit at the same time. Turn it off now."
[OMG OMG OMG! You truly are DEMENTED!!!]