Friday, December 16, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 12-16-05 ("Quick! Give me your stereotype of a 'typical Republican.'")

Quick! Give me your stereotype of a "typical DUmmie." How about dogmatic, clueless, and so gullible that he/she/it will readily hand money over to an obvious con artist for merely promising the possibility of overturning a presidential election. While the DUmmies are residing impotently in their Alternate Reality, they love nothing more than to take potshots at conservatives in general and Republicans in particular as you can see in this THREAD titled, "Quick! Give me your stereotype of a 'typical Republican.'" So let us now watch the typical DUmmies rage in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, perparing to don his jodhpurs for a day of polo riding at the Republican Country Club, is in the [brackets]:

Quick! Give me your stereotype of a "typical Republican."

[Quick! Give me your stereotype of a "typical Democrat." All you need to do is envision members of a typical asylum full of angry frustrated inmated raging long into the dark night. Dennis Kucinich comes to mind. Oh, and let us not forget Al Gore.]

A hollow suit . . . or a diehard redneck . . .

[Or a diehard redneck in a hollow suit.]

Pudgy, self satisfied asshole who cares not for the suffering of others. Someone who values things more than people.A clueless dolt with the transmitter stuck on LOUD and ALWAYS ON; and whose receiver is broken. In one word: SELFISH.

[George Soros?]

Me! Me! Me!
yup, that about says it. That is all they ever seem to be about.

[Who? Hollywood liberal celebs?]

thin lipped butfuck. With repressed deviant sexual proclivities.

[Did you post that while waitin on line to see "Bareback Mountain?"]

Gordon Gecko, the uber-capitalist from the flick Wall Street. Can't get more rigid and stereotypical than that.

[How about uber-capitalist David Geffen? Plus he is REAL.]

Fat, smug, homophobic, planet-rapers.

[I just got done ravishing Greenland.]

Most I know are former liberals

[Those are the folks who wised up.]

Typically dressed in brown.
slightly awkward step.

[And you are so pretty in pink with that cute minced step.]

They are afriad of new ideas.

[Like Spell Check?]

Uneducated. Low-class. Lives in a trailer and watches NASCAR.
Never read a book in his life because those are for "librul eletests". Can't find Australia on a map, even when offered a carton of Marlboros to do so. Self-absorbed and full of hate. Superstitious. Intolerant. If lucky, writes and spells like a fourth grader. In short, a knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing Neanderthal who, despite all evidence to the contrary, believes himself to be the pinnacle of human evolution (except he doesn't believe in evolution because his pastor told him it was the work of Satan and he always agrees with everything his pastor says).

[Speaking of spelling like a fourth grader, check out the DUmmie post just above yours.]

For a female Republican, I'd have to say the God Warrior lady comes to mind. Immensely fat, missing teeth, too many screaming children. Flies into foaming-at-the-mouth hysterics over absolutely anything that doesn't exactly match her world view or that Bill O'Reilly thinks she should be hysterical about ("The War on Christmas!!! Dork-sided!!!! Yargh!!!" *head spins around and spews pea soup*). Thinks child discipline is a smack on the back of the head accompanied by "ya'll shut up before I whup ya". Prays for healing from God before she tries the doctor. Wears a giant cross over her Bedazzler (tm) shirt so that everyone she meets will know how godly she is.

[You're on a stereotype roll! Don't stop now. Continue...]

Both of these creatures have no and want no actual facts at their disposal. They become extremely threatened when people present actual facts in the course of political or religious discussion, forcing them to engage in ad hominem attacks like "Why do you hate America?", "My pressedent is going to put all of you librul faggot baby-killer goat fuckers in concentration camps!", and the old favorite, "You love Saddam Hussein".

[Have you spoken to Ramsey Clark lately?]

I like being urban, smug, self-righteous, and over-educated, and I've seen enough rural ignorance to last me the rest of my life, and I could give a flying f*ck what Joe NASCAR or you or anybody else thinks about my attitude on the subject. That's right, I'm an unapologetic elitist in YOUR Democratic Party. And you can't do a damn thing about it. Hope it pisses you off all day. Have a nice afternoon.

[Is that you, Congressman Fortney ("Pete" for the Peons) Stark?]

A fat white bald guy, in an expensive suit, with a Roladex
watch, smoking a cigar, and being driven around in a Lincoln Town Car.

[Thank you for that accurate description of Ed Rendell.]

When I think "typical Republican", the image I get is
of a middle aged white guy making only slight more than minimum wage. Racist, homophobic, VERY angry about their shitty life so they use liberals as a scapegoat, driving a full sized truck with about 10 of those "support the troops" ribbons that were made in China on the back, totally lacking a sense of humor and proudly displays that fact by continuing to tell Clinton-blow job jokes (and thinking they are "clever" or "original" with those jokes), believes that liberals' are trying to take their guns and Santa Clause away from them, repeats the phrases "commie" and "socialist" but can't actually define those words, gets all their "news" from Fox "News".

[Um...speaking of being VERY angry with their your shitty life...]

Rich. Went to the best schools. Summers in New England,
winters in Palm Beach (And uses the words summer and winter as verbs.) Wears $3000 suits and handmade shoes. Belongs to the best clubs, where he and his friends conspire to rip off the public.

[Michael Eisner?]

Somebody with a large bank account
and an expensive car, house and 2.5 kids

[Jail that capitalist criminal!]

two subspecies. the dumb gun-toting redneck flag waving bible thumper and the wealthy, greedy, suit wearing, sexually repressed, christian business man

[So much for all that blather right after the 2004 election about reaching out to the Red State folks.]

Republicans are people who honestly believe that they are God's gift to the world and therefore they deserve only the best, no matter how they get it. They honestly believe that others who they perceive to be beneath them, deserve as little as possible. They want to own and control it all, whether it be a small enterprise or a worldwide corporation. They have no sense of how a community functions. They are highly manipulative and typically live in a fantasy world dictated only by their personal wants and needs. They are not (almost never) what you'd call generous. They need deprogramming.

[They need deprogramming? So are you LIHOP or MIHOP? Give us some astrological forecasts about the political future. Have you chanted any faux Hopi Indian prayers this morning? which Alternate Reality do you believe i? Oh, and did you attend the Inauguration of John Kerry on Jan. 20? I BEEEEELEEEEEEVE!!!]

Micheal Dell. And I will NEVER buy a dell computer and give him
one dime of my money.

[NOW you tell me! Too bad I just bought another computer recently or I would have bought a Dell.]

Snacks on paint-chips, has a protruding forehead, with two or three teeth in their mouth..

[You forgot to mention the horns in that protruding forehead.]


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