Wednesday, September 21, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 09-21-05 ("**********HEY FREEPERS********" ---DUmmie lynettebro440 Responds To DUFUs)

Shame on the DUmmie FUnnies for quoting DUmmie lynettebro440 WORD FOR WORD in our Sept. 15 EDITION. It just isn't fair. From her crazed response she might have received a little visit from the Secret Service for wishing a heart attack upon George Bush. Fortunately, DUmmie lynettebro440 was able to avoid incarceration just long enough to entertain us with yet another comedic MISSIVE. As usual the hilarious primal scream emanating from DUmmie lynettebro440 is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, playing dirty again by quoting her EXACTLY, is in the [brackets]:

**********HEY FREEPERS********


To all the freepers and repukes that are reading and lurking,now hear this. I have something I want to say and if youdon't want to listen, don't let the door hit your ass on theway out. Now let me begin.

[Tell us again in your enchanting crazed rant about how you want George W. Bush to suffer from a heart attack.]

I've been reading this site for almost a year now as I triedto find some answers to why this world was turning so stupid. I'm a little ole woman in the middle of the country withmore brains then I should have. I have been around the blocka few times; f*ck that shit I have been around the world. I have livedthrough some crazy shit that, if you were paying attention,you might agree.

[I agree about you living in some crazy shit.]

I have lost a president from a bullet in his head, watchedanother resign as a thief and a crook, watched an old movieactor that had early stages of Alzheimer’s become presidenttwice and then let his Nazi vice prez take over. I watched asthis Nazi regime leader was voted in, and extended our pain for fourmore years. I watched a pot smoking, saxaphone playing hippie grab up the white house and gave me some hope to an end to thedestruction that the previous twelve years of a Nazi regimehad destroyed. I was in Florida in 2000 when Jr. stole theshow and took the white house away and watched in completedisbelief as he stole it again from us in 2004. I have now watched aVietnam War start up and repeat again in Iraq. The first time Iwasn’t of draft age, now I have two children who are. I havewatched my generation become a bunch of bloated, spoiled, arrogant,bitchy, name-calling assholes whose entire purpose is to makemoney and cheat on each other in the name of god. I now watchand see them make themselves out like they are in the earlystages of Alzheimer’s themselves (what I like to call selective memory)so they don't have to watch and change themselves and theworld.

[It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
A beautiful day for a neighbor,
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?]

I have sat here behind these eyes in total disbelief that Iwitnessed all of this and have survived to talk about it. Well, I hadn't seen anything yet compared to what I amwitnessing now.I used to sit back and try to wonder, when I was in my earlystages of life, how was I possibly going to describe what the hellwas happening in words that my children might be able tounderstand about this world in which we lived in. Now I am finding myself incapable of even trying to put into words what is happening now. I need to ask now, WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH THIS F*CKING WORLD?

[It’s a neighborly day in this beautywood,
A neighborly day for a beauty,
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?]

Have we as human beings become such a lazy, cowardly, senile,retarded, stop asking question group of people that we are alljust simply going to sit on our fat asses and make fun of eachother? I have had it to a degree that I can honestly sayconcerns me like no other time that I have spent on thisearth. I have posted 8 original posts before this one here on DU, ittook a lot of courage to do that. I have three times been featured asthe "headliner" on three different freeper sites. So here is toall the people that have a high attraction for taking my wordsand using them to slam me and my beliefs. F*CK YOU!! If mylittle old words get you heated up, you haven't seen anythingyet.

[I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you,
I’ve always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.]

To each one of you cowardly, overweight, retarded, red, whiteand blue, pickup truck driving, Christian mother f*ckers who are watching, go ahead and post your threats and insults. I'm neither afraid nor intimidated noram I going to put up with your shit anymore. F*ck you and f*ck your opinions!

To all you Christian fundamentalist, bible thumping, Jesusloving, righteous people, get up off your asses and startLIVING (not just f*cking preaching) your goddamn beliefs.

To all you gas guzzling, yuppie thriving, finger pointing,righteous rich people, pull out your f*cking wallets and startgiving it back.

To all you NRA loving, gun toting stupid ass right wing, selfrighteous Uzi loving rednecks, get up off your asses and getyour guns back, because they’re coming to take them away.

To all the minorities of the world who have been beaten downand shoved into the ground harder and harder, get up off yourasses and get pissed off.

For all the rest of the quiet, meek and not so sure of themselves people, NOW is the time to speak up louder then you have ever spoken before.

[So let’s make the most of this beautiful day,
Since we’re together, we might as well say,
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?
Won’t you be my neighbor?]

I am tired. I am tired of no one doing anything to save thisnation and especially tired and pissed off that those of usthat are become a party to ridicule and abuse. Well you knowwhat? I am getting up off my ass and ready to take back my nation LOUDERand STRONGER and more intelligently than any brain addledfreeper in this fucking world can.

[Won’t you please, won’t you please,
Please won’t you be my neighbor?]

Thank you DU for finally giving me a voice. I can now proudlyspeak it to anyone within earshot. To every one of youfreepers who finds curiosity in me and our words here on DU, Isay DU; let's show them what we got.

Open your mouths (or in this case your fingers) and let theselazy, asshole, piece of shit people that can't come up with their own ideas, that find us sofascinating here at DU, hear what it is we have to say. Let me bethe first to say


What do the rest of you want to say? Next?

[Now that we have Mrs. Norman Bates aka DUmmie lynettebro440 under control with the restraining straps, let us hear the foam-at-the-mouth rantings of her fellow DUmmies.]

A question for our Freeper StalkersI've been trying to figure something in my head and maybe you could help me out yea? When a person is insane, as you clearly are, do you know that you're insane? Maybe your just sitting around, reading guns and ammo, masturbating in your own feces, do you just stop and go, Wow it is f*cking amazing how crazy I really am? Yea? Do you guys do that?

[Speaking of being clearly insane...]

Hey, fREEEEEPERS... What SHE said!Deal with it! She's HERE. And so am I - ARM-IN-ARM with her!!!!

[And sharing the same butterfly net in solidarity.]

I do not like the NRA at all,but I DO like my weapons, as they may keep the brownshirts at bay when we need to be "evacuated" to camps.

[Amazing how all the leftists screech for gun control but they MUST have their own guns.]

Testify, Sister Lynette, Testify!

[Testify, Sister Lynette, Testify! Testify in court about how you wished harm upon the President.]

Dear lynettebro440... I Wanna Have Your Baby, Is That Possible ???

[Only if you use sandpaper.]

My train to DC leaves early Friday morning and I'm making my travel goodies list and checking it twice--

~clean panties, check
~tooth brush/paste, deoderant, etc. check
~DU tee shirt, favorite jeans and sneakers, check
~cash, check
~emergency numbers, train tickets, metro map and hostel info, check

[~rabies shot, check]

Feels so good to hurl loose a bunch of FUs, doesn't it??? I've been so angry lately, I feel like a pressure cooker about to blow sky high. To let off steam, I've started doing a bit of loud ranting in public lately, as I think we all should do. The time is right. You can feel it. People look up and smile in agreement for the most part, though you can always spot the freeps a mile away. There's a lot of freeptards that really deserve our anger, like the nasty fellow who shot me a bird yesterday just because he didn't like my bumper stickers. But, sadly, I think there's a whole slew of them out there that are basically good people, albeit terribly misguided, and not willing to do their own thinking. When the full magnitude of what's going down hits them-- and it will-- they're going to be utterly crushed by the vicious betrayals of the BFEE. As much as we can't stand the freeps for the most part, I try to never lose sight of the fact that these confused and badly misled Americans are going to need to find a way back home to reality one day.

[Actually the people are looking up and laughing their asses off when you loudly rant in public.]

Freepers, you have no idea the fury that has been unleashed and the determination that is dwelling in our souls.

[Well, we have a pretty good idea of the nuttiness that has been unleashed from your crazed souls.]

This is why liberals will prevail!lynettebro440 expresses quite eloquently exactly how so many of us in America feel. We're pissed off not only at the Republicans for putting their lust for power above the good of the country, but we're pissed at the Democrats for caving, for their silence, for their pure lack of SPINE!

[Screech all you want but Hillary WILL be nominated in '08. There is NOTHING you can do to stop it.]

It's a rant, not a philosophical treatiseThere's a lot of anger in this country that has been bottled up for way too long. This is just the first fusillade, get ready for a massive explosion.

[It will be FUnnier than a South Park episode]


Blogger FlaK said...

How do the champions of tolerance become so angry?

11:25 PM  
Blogger gruffwolf said...

I've never heard a "little ol' lady" swear like that. She's definitely not setting a good example for her grandchildren.

7:27 AM  
Blogger SOTG said...

someone said she expressed herself "eloquently"?!?


7:31 AM  
Blogger SOTG said...

PS: Our side's got all o' them there guns, so if y'all wanna spar, let's git 'er done.

7:35 AM  
Blogger Icarus said...

That was so funny Diet Mountain Dew shot right out my nose.

I'm guessing if liberals knew how funny we find them when they act this deranged, they'd be a little embarrassed.

And THAT woman is truly deranged. Wow. What a hilarious whack job.

That may be the funniest bit of unintentional self-parody I've ever read. This was the best line:

"I havewatched my generation become a bunch of bloated, spoiled, arrogant,bitchy, name-calling assholes"

Uh ... yep. You just described the rest of your behavior in your screed just about perfectly. Too funny!

Jeez, I do hope she's not really a grown up. Most 10 year olds come across as possessing more dignity and maturity.

But the entertainment was priceless. And she sure does love to hear herself talk, doesn't she? Post more of her stuff, it's pretty good!

7:39 AM  
Blogger Staci said...

ROFLMAO These people are insane. Shit, schools of psychiatry can spend years analyzing this brand of nuttiness. And I agree, I've never in my life heard a lil ole lady talk like that. What is she, some depraved hippie? LOL. Keep it up PJ Comix...hehe. I don't how you do it though, I can't even browse there, I feel assaulted by stupidity.

9:32 AM  
Blogger JannyMae said...

"We're pissed off not only at the Republicans for putting their lust for power above the good of the country, but we're pissed at the Democrats for caving, for their silence, for their pure lack of SPINE!" This is hysterically funny! Swap Republicans and Democrats in that sentence, and you have exactly what the conservatives I know are thinking!

Talk about, "projection!"

10:23 AM  
Blogger Mr. Right said...

I am reminded of the phrase, "You can dish it out, but you can't take it."

The DUmmies want a free pass to rant and rave and spew hateful and utterly lunatic garbage about anything and everything to the right of Ted Kennedy, and to mercilessly bash President Bush in particular, but if you dare to say one word about them or any of their many sacred cows, you have crossed the line, buster, and just wait til they get their hands on you!

I hate to break it to you, DUmmies, but many of you are textbook examples of people that are seriously mentally deranged! Get help!

Meanwhile we will keep on laughing at you. It keeps us from crying over just how pathetic you have become.

9:04 PM  
Blogger Mongrul said...

Holy crap Jannymae, you nailed it right on the head!!! As for the old bag, (probably Al Gore in drag), she/he needs to widen the doors in her/his house, other wise she/he may knock her/his tin foil hat off her/his head, and allow the EVIL Halliburton inspired cart pushers at Wal-Mart to send X_RAYS of death to fry her peanut brain!! The moon bat wings on her/his tinfoil asshat have got to be at least 6 feet across!

9:16 PM  
Blogger N. O'Brain said...

Just a suggestion, but a fistful of oxycontin and a quart of cheap gin do NOT constitute a good breakfast.

No matter what Molly Ivans says.

3:07 PM  
Blogger Ninja R said...

One of my favorite parts was her wrap up. All throughout, she chastises Republicans for imagined reasons and then has the nerve to sit there, rambling about I AM HERE YOU CANT SHUT ME UP

...and when you're basically telling those of us on the more well-written Right to shut up -- while insisting not to be shut up and rambling f*ck yous -- that's pretty damn hypocritical.

My other favorite part...she writes: "I'm neither afraid nor intimidated noram I going to put up with your shit anymore."

Reeeeeally? You don't say?! Is that why you just wrote a bunch of junk on a message board? I mean, it takes a LOT OF COURAGE to do that! Not gonna put up with my shit? What are you gonna do?

Nothing, that's what.


7:52 PM  
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