Monday, July 18, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 07-18-05 ("Tell me your fantasy...")


We all know that the denizens of DUmmieland live in a Land of Fantasy. So Bush wins the election? Not to worry because I BEEEELEEEVE John Kerry will be inaugurated on Jan. 20. Ooops! The Evil Bush was inaugurated on Jan. 20? No problem because the Jeff Gannon “scandal” is SURE to bring DOWN the evil Bush regime. Ooops! Jeff Gannon has been completely forgotten? Thank goodness for the DSM which came to light on June 16, a “day in which nothing will ever be the same again.” DAMN! Nothing happened on DSM after June 16 despite the breathless promises by Pied Piper Pitt? Okay, let’s impeach Karl Rove even though he committed NO CRIME and he isn’t even subject to impeachment. This latter fantasy was suggested just a few minutes ago by none other than Barney “My Boy Lollipop” Frank. Yeah, he of the same crowd who proclaimed that a president couldn’t be impeached for perjury that is now pushing the bizarre notion that an aide can be IMPEACHED for NOT committing a crime. However, should all these fantasies really surprise us? After all wacko fantasies are the bread and butter of Dummieland as you can see in this THREAD titled, “Tell me your fantasy...” As usual the sanity-challenged DUmmie fantasies are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, taking yet another trip into Fantasyland, is in the [brackets]:


Tell me your fantasy...


[Petra Verkaik is in town and gives me a call. She asks me to see her in her room at the Hilton. I enter her room and she is wearing the flimsiest of red nightgowns. She pulls on a string and it falls to the floor. Her arms open wide exposing her massive mellons while her hips wave a happy hello. I prepare to reply in a most friendly way and…]


your political fantasy.


[DAMN!!! And I was just getting into the mood!]


Mine is that the Dems retake the House in 2006, Bush-Cheney et. al. are impeached, booted from office, and sent to prison.


[Guess what? My Petra Verkaik fantasy is still much more BELIEVABLE than your political fantasy.]


Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of the House becomes president.


[My fantasy is that Nancy Pelosi defrosts her frozen smile. Right now she looks like the sister of The Joker.]


What's yours?


[I already told you my fantasy but it doesn’t fall into the category of political.]


We get all these election reforms in place and slowly rebuild our country and its image in the world.


[We get all these election reforms in place and, as a result, the current governor of Washington is REMOVED from office.]


Some several years in the future, there is some major national event. Or maybe an event in another country. All the old ex-presidents are there. They pan across the crowd. Carter, Bush Sr, Clinton, an empty chair, and the current president. W can't attend because his jail term hasn't run out yet.


[Clinton also can’t attend because Juanita Broadderick testified against him.]


Dem's Re-Take Both House And Senate. Thus making Georgie Boy whine like a stuck pig. Then the impeachment hearings start. John Conyers fulfilling the Peter Rodino role as House Judiciary Chair.


[It’s sure going to be FUN right after Election Day 2006 watching the DUmmies whine like stuck pigs when the Democrats LOSE even MORE House and Senate seats.]


Watergate redux. Only this time there's no pardon. Bush, Cheney, Rove all go to the big house. My specific fantasy involves turning on my teevee some evening and seeing those clowns doing the perp walk, escorted into some courthouse by federal marshals.


[Is that YOU, Joe Wilson?]


That we get this mess straightened out and can get back to our lives.
Until then, I feel like heaviness hanging over absolutely every aspect of life in America. I want it to go away. I want this administration to go down in flames and not get off the hook. Full jail terms for all involved - including corporations (Halliburton, etc.) and liquidation of their assets with the totals going back into the social security trust fund. Fix everything they broke. And then change the laws with failsafe amendments so no one can ever corporatize or monopolize America again.


[I believe your fantasy is known as “Bolshevism.”]


A Wellstone/Feingold ticket beats Bush/Cheney '04. And takes back the House and Senate.


[And incredible fantasy that not only involves resurrection but time travel as well.]


Bushco frog-walked out of the WH in orange jumpsuits. Kerry innaugurated...AT LAST!


[I BEEEELEEEEEVE that happened last Jan. 20.]


Bernie Sanders becomes head Senator, univeral health care is passed (needless to say with Kucinich as President the troops are withdrawn) …Elmination of the Electorial College is proposed and ratified by at least 48 states so that we can have proportional government!


[And don’t forget about the “Elmination” of the states.]


2016 Barack Obama/Brian Schweitzer ticket takes the presidency. And, I am the new Senator from Montana, plus I've already won a Pulitzer and a Best Screenplay Academy Award too.


[Did you win the Pulitzer for writing an article explaining to the public just who the hell Brian Schweitzer is?]


President Pelosi. I like how that sounds! My fantasy is that we win the House and Senate in 06 with big majorities and then in 08 win alot of states with Hillary Clinton as President and a black VP.


[Bill Clinton as our first black VP? Not sure if the public could handle a wife and husband team running the country. Oh wait! They already did!]


I awake from a horrible nightmare.....I've only dreamed the past 4 and 1/2 years. It's really January 20, 2001 and President Gore's inauguration is on the television......


[Tell President Gore to wipe the Krispy Kreme stains from his tux.]


Progressive legislation is passed. Marijuana is legalized, and the War on Drugs is cut. Missile Defense is cancelled. Bush's tax cuts are rolled back for the wealthy. The environmental and corporate regulations that Bush weakened are restored and tightened. Corporations who outsource lose every subsidy they have, and tariffs are slapped on their products. DOMA is repealed, and the state anti gay amendments are ruled unconstitutional. Gay marriage is legalized. Foreign aid is increased. Sensible Homeland Security measures are taken, and Nunn-Lugar is flooded with funding to lock down loose nukes in Russia, and new anti-nuke initiatives are created. Comprehensive sex ed is instituted and pre- and post-natal care are free. Roe v. Wade is still the law of the land, but the abortion rate drops to nearly nil.(This would be my platform if I were running for office). John Paul Stevens retires after a inhuman effort to survive Bush and is replaced by Hillary Clinton. Ginsburg also leaves while the leaving is good, and Generic Progressive Legal Scholar is appointed in her place.


[Crack is sold on the White House lawn, the Rainbow Flag flies over the Capitol, Rosie O’Donnell appointed head of the ATF, Al-Qaeda terrorists are allowed entry into airline cockpits…]


Bush, Cheney, Rice, Rumsfeld, et al., are all sent to the Hague and convicted of war crimes and given life sentences. Rove and whoever the second leaker is (if not one of the Hague crowd) are convicted of high treason and executed. DeLay goes to prison. Jeff Gannon writes a tell all book outing all of the neocons as self-hating gays, reveals himself to be Johnny Gosch and blows the lid off of the neocons' child prostitution ring. The Christian Right recoils in horror and has to eat a lot of self-righteous crow. Megachurches shut down all over the country due to people waking up and seeing them for the brainwashing evil that they are. The truth of the election fraud is finally released and President Kerry is at last sworn in. His first act of office is to end the Iraq war and withdraw all US troops. The owners of Diebold & ES&S, as well as Nathan Sproul, Kenneth Blackwell, Jeb Bush and everyone else associated with the election fraud are tried and convicted. The series of scandals pretty much destroys the Republican Party. Millions defect to the Democratic party and demand an end to corruption and corporate welfare. The Andy Stephenson Voting Rights Protection Act is passed soon thereafter. With voter verified voting and paper ballots in place in all 50 states, the will of the people is once again served, and the 2006 elections result in landslide victories for Democratic candidates in every state. Democrats gain resounding majorities in both houses, and as an added bonus, several red states turn blue. John Conyers is given the Medal of Freedom. Robert Byrd speaks at the ceremony, reading from his beloved Constitution. Rehnquist and O'Connor stay until President Kerry is inaugurated, so he gets to appoint three Supreme Court justices. Campaign reform laws are enacted and the corrupt lobbying structure in Washington collapses. Conservative think tanks close up shop and slink out of town. New laws are passed prohibiting large blocks of media ownership, and the fairness doctrine is reinstated. Fox News loses most of its viewership and sponsors and fades from the public consciousness. Its eventual shutdown is barely noted on page 35 of the Wall Street Journal. Hannity, Coulter and their ilk are all revealed to have been paid shills of the Bush administration and are forced from the journalism profession in disgrace. Limbaugh is sent to prison on drug charges and his show is canceled.


[…America apologizes for existing and surrenders its sovereignty to Pyonyang…]


me looking straight into his eyes. my breasts heaving in anticipation of the excitement... of knowing what is soon to come. Placing my hands on his body, they begin slowly searching. Hearing his simpering moans as my fingers meticulously explore every area. I turn to walk behind him... so close he can feel my hot breath on his neck.....


[Is that YOU, Petra Verkaik?]

1 Comments:

Blogger FlaK said...

Some of these sound like the scary scenes from Atlas Shrugged. These peoples fantasies would destroy the economy...

10:30 PM  

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