DUmmie FUnnies 03-25-05 ("What would happen if Americans really KNEW?")

DUmmies feel that they have special knowledge about some inside secret about the EVIL Bush Regime and that if the American People somehow find out what that secret is, they would overthrow “BFEE.” You can read all about this DUmmie fantasy in this THREAD titled, “What would happen if Americans really KNEW?” The secretive DUmmie fantasies are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, playing “I’ve Got A Secret,” is in the [brackets]:

What would happen if Americans really KNEW?

[If Americans really KNEW how truly vile the DUmmiecrats are, you would be losing elections by huge landslides.]

I feel like I have a secret and no one else wants to know the secret. Everyone is going on with their lives. They go to work, raise their childre, go on vacation and HAVE FUN! I feel like I am witnessing the begining of the end and I want to shout from the roof top to everyone to pay attention but no one can hear me. How do you deal with knowing the truth?

[I deal with knowing the truth of DUmmie insanity by exposing it to the public so they can hopefully HAVE FUN and laugh you out of existence. How do you deal with knowing the “truth?”]

Reduce it to 10 words or less. Write it on a sign, and Stand on a street corner.

[Didn’t I see you already with the sign saying: “THE SKY IS FALLING!!!”]

I go hiking...and listen to the radio a lot. Hopefully I can share my secrets someday, and it won't be too late.

[I sit on the toilet and play scrabble a lot. Hopefully I can share my secrets someday, and not be laughed at.]

That is why people need to know about the PNAC. The PNAC has laid out everything that Bu$h and Co. has been doing. Look who Bu$h has appointed to important positions for his 2nd term, all PNAC people. People don't think all of these bad things could be connected, but if you read some about the PNAC, they tell you they want to do it this way. The problem is I bet only 10% of America have ever heard of the PNAC.

[Make that less than 1%. However, haven’t you gotten the latest tinfoil hat talking points memo from Pied Piper Pitt. According to him the problem is CNP not PNAC. Perhaps you should all meet at IHOP and decide if the secret organization is PNAC or CNP. Then figure out if Bush LIHOP or MIHOP while eating your IHOP.]

Go deep into PNAC research and you'll find out very quickly. How MIHOP is very probable. 911 was the biggest wet dream for these guys. W/out it, not one part of their agenda would have been able to be acheived.

[Have another IHOP and then debate whether Bush LIHOP or MIHOP.]

If I'm surrounded by the completely obtuse, I gently point out the most glaring inconsistancies and take comfort in the occasional "I never thought of that" that is thrown my way. People have to be led slowly, as no one could believe the enormity of the outrage all at once.

[Speaking of obtuse. You might want to tell folks what all your nutty initials mean: PNAC, MIHOP, LIHOP, etc.. They shouldn’t be let out on a really good laugh while munching on pigs in the blanket at IHOP.]

I am regularly among a group of the obtuse and just listen to them discuss things. They eventually hit on something pertinent in which I can insert a niblet of fatual info. It's amazing how they grab onto it and take off. Most times they get downright outraged.

[“Psst! Psst! Psst! I have inside info on MIHOP and LIHOP and PNAC! I am in the know because I have the secret decoder ring that tells what all those initials stand for! I feel so important that I can knowledgeably toss around all those dopey initials.”]

It's lonely, but you find like minds, and hold onto what sanity you can. Rejoice in the fact that you are not alone, there are others like you out there, and through work, some simpler people will see the truth.

[SIGH! It’s LONELY at the bottom.]

Also I think what helps is to know the truth is on your side and you know you're right no matter how crazy it sounds. Someday on down the line it will be known that it was right and you can have some little glory in that. I know I'm waiting for the day when the truth about Kennedy, 9/11 and Iraq come out and I can go "see? I tried to tell you...."

[You’re right. It does sound CRAAAAAZY. But fear not. All those years of living in the DUmmie cave will be justified when folks someday proclaim that the smelly, raving hermit with the many tinfoil hat theories was right after all. Meanwhile you are condemned to living in your own private cave with your extra-special SECRET knowledge. SHHHH! Mum’s the word!]

The most we can do is to speak our mind. Participate in bipartisan forums. Speak up when a conservative says something to you offhandedly good about the administration. Remind them. Vote for the good guys.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!! Don’t you know that all the voting machines are rigged?]

I became even more introverted. Its a nightmare to even try to explain this to people. There's this huge web of connections and when you start talking about one thing you inevitably run into something/someone else the person (you're trying to explain this too) doesn't know and then you have to go on that tangent. Then the tangent has stuff they don't know about so you have another tangent. By the time you get to something they can understand, you don't even know where you started. I constantly find myself saying "If you don't believe me...there were newspaper articles about" or "its real, just look here," because some of the stuff is so unbelievable...like gannon and the child prostitution ring of the 80's and some of the shit republicans say and do.

[“It’s a nightmare because I try to explain to the republicans that I’m NOT crazy. I only sound that way.”]

Go on vacation???? Who in the hell can afford to do that any longer? I went to the beach for a week 12 years ago, and I've had a vacation more recently than most of my friends and family.

[Leave the DUmmie cave and go on vacation???? I can’t afford to waste that precious time!!! Psst! Psst! PNAC! MIHOP! LIHOP! IHOP! Spread the SECRET word!]

It aint easy. When I have to explain shit to my FATHER, my Father. . can you imagine that? My dad, who in my mind was always the font of strength and wisdom and knowledge, and I'm hearing myself say dad, you're misinformed, deliberately misinformed. . .

[“Dad, you’re misinformed! The latest is that it was MIHOP, not IHOP! And I don’t care what Will Pitt says. The focus of evil has PNAC at its core, not CNP. Dad, if you don’t know what BFEE is then I just can’t help you. Dad, why are you aiming that tranquilizer dart at me? Dad? DAD! daaaaa….aaad.”]


It is terrible seeing your best friends of 50 years abandoning you because of your politics is quite depressing. It is no fun to be a blue dot in a sea of red. On the bright side, at least my Dad will still talk to me, just not about politics.

[Maybe your friends are getting tired of you screaming meaningless initials at them. Fortunately your Dad still remembers how to talk baby talk to you. “Little DUmmie made pooh-pooh in pants? Da-Da give him ice cream to make all better.”]

Welcome to our universe of reality as opposed to their alternate one. Drives you crazy, doesn't it?

[Yes. Welcome to our tinfoil hat reality. PNAC, CNP, MIHOP, LIHOP as opposed to their alternate universe where UP is the opposite of DOWN. Here in the DUmmie alternate reality, UP is 3 miles EAST of Philadelphia.]

Me ..well I try to talk and inform as many people as I can. I have used my clothes , house and car to inform people for close to 4 years now .

[What did you do? Loan your panties to a Republican in order to convince him of the reality of PNAC?]

I have "knowledge". I know that "truth" cannot be revealed without,...knowledge. I also believe that WE, collectively, cannot reach for truth without knowledge. My frustration lies only in the fact that so little "knowledge" reaches the people.

[That special SPECIAL secret knowledge that only we DUmmies have. My frustration is that so little of this special secret knowledge reaches the people. The problem is that if it did reach the people then it wouldn’t be our special SPECIAL secret knowledge any more and I would lose my sense of specialness for knowing the secrets of the initials.]

I think that collectively and as individuals we CAN make a difference; we have to persist in trying to disseminate that knowledge in ways that will resonate with the people who are in the dark, and will motivate those who DO know but think it's good enough to let others worry about it or work to change it. I know, it's frustrating as HELL to see many seemingly intelligent people so taken in by the shallow, style-over-substance bullshit tossed around by reThug politicians, and the damage being done to everyday people and their lives in the name of heaven knows what...But we have to persevere!

[Meanwhile we must continue to meet secretly late at night in the catacombs. After all, WE are the bearers of the SECRETS which must be preserved until the time the BFEE is overthrown and we can go out and enlighten the world with our TRUTH. But, until then, we must continue to meet secretly and only whisper the secret letters to each other.]

Every Republican president since Coolidge.... Connections to Franklin and MK-ULTRA, to the pedophile ring of Bush 41, down to the prostitute in the White House press room connected to soliciting of U.S. army ranger personnel! "You have a pretty face." (Wh-a-at?) "You have a pretty face. You are much prettier than our Scott." Tell them--just look up Bohemian Grove--if they DARE. Then tell them to look up www.newamericancentury.org, the PNAC Website that others have suggested.

[STAND BY! STAND BY! STAND BY! The Lithium treatment is on the way! Meanwhile make play-play with your pogo stick and the nicey-nice white coats will be there soon.]

I go to crowded resturants and talk excitedly with my friends...

[IHOP?]

…and quietly watch as the truth gets leaked out a bit at a time. The whisper campaigns have begun.


[“Psst! Psst! PNAC. MIHOP. LIHOP. CNP. Pass it along! Psst! Psst!”]

Try and to be calm and secure in the knowlegdge you believe you have. Eat whole foods, drink clean water and spend time with like minded friends. It will all work out in the end, on way or the other.

[And be sure to have yogurt enemas every day. At least five gallons of yogurt enema per day. Your stay at Wellville will turn out to be a pleasurable experience as a result. Oh, and it will work out in the "end."]

most don't want to know the truth . . .lost, as they are, in the "dark raptures of nonstop infotainment, recreational shopping, and compulsive motoring" . .

[DAMN those normal people!!!]

They probably wouldn't care. And most likely couldn't be bothered to think about it. After all, the baseball season starts soon, and there's "Survivor" and "American Idol" to watch...Most Americans are willfully ignorant, and quite happily so.

[Stupid STUPID normal people!!!]