Thursday, November 17, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 11-17-05 ("How should we deal with fundamentalists?")

DUmmies have NO problem when Democrat politicians invoke religion. Such was the case when Bill Clinton invoked religion to try to get a gun control bill passed and later, in order to deflect attention away from getting a Lewinsky in the White House, he suddenly started attending church while carrying a King Size King James Bible around with him for all to see. However, DUmmies have a big problem with "fundamentalists" because most of them vote Republican. That is the root cause of their antipathy to "fundamentalists" as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "How should we deal with fundamentalists?" Of course, DUmmies are so stupid that they think that almost all conservatives are "fundamentalists" when, in fact, a good many of them could be classified as "South Park Republicans" which is a much more irreverent breed. Even most "fundamentalists" aren't "fundamentalists" since there are also evangelicals and pentacostals in the mix. Of course, the DUmmies confuse them all so that "fundamentalists" include even devout Roman Catholics and Mormons in their way of thinking. However, since all these groups tend to vote conservative, DUmmies will lump them all together under the misnamed banner of "fundamentalists" (or "fundies"). As usual, the DUmmie "fundie" bashing is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, still chuckling over last night's Scientology/Tom Cruise episode of South Park, is in the [brackets]:

How should we deal with fundamentalists?

[Rescind their voting rights?]

In my very liberal Sunday School class, we have been studying Karen Armstrong's The Battle for God, A History of Fundamentalism. The question we have pondered lately is "How should we deal with fundamentalists?" Love them? Hate them? Associate with them? Try to change them? The only person in the class who has a definite, firm answer says simply that we should ridicule and make fun of them. Being that we live in Alabama, we have lots of opportunities. Any suggestions from any of you? Thanks.

[You're in a "very liberal Sunday School class?" Let me guess your affiliation: The First Unitarian Church of the Universal Whatever.]

I think you first need to identify your purpose. What is it you want?

Do you want them to leave you alone?

Do you want them to change?

Do you want their vote?

[Stupid question. DUmmies want them to disappear from the planet.]

Okay. Then I think that making fun of them will just alienate them. We all have our different cultures, world views, even our own physical needs that lead us to a particular faith or lack thereof. So I think respect is where you start. After that, if you really want to bring folks to your side, it takes positive communication, hanging out together, listening. The more you listen the more brilliant they think you are. Then you ask questions. And listen some more.

[Not a smart plan. A lot of "fundamentalists" already read what you folks REALLY think here in the DUmmie FUnnies and they know you folks are hardly "brilliant." "Idiots" would be a better description of what they think about you.]

If you are a person of faith, don't be afraid to let them know it, pray with them, etc., so they can see that faith does NOT equal politics. But it's so important that they see you as a person of integrity and with no hate, even for your enemies. That level of charisma draws people to you.

["A person of faith." In DUmmieland that means someone who worships Gaia.]

Being a northeastern, liberal atheist and never having had the opportunity to meet/know a Republican let alone a fundamentalist (how lucky/sheltered am I?), I often wish that I could ask them why they choose to ignore certain parts of the Bible in favor of other sections.

[Talk about living a cloistered existence!!! This DUmmie admits to NEVER having ever met a "fundamentalist" or a Republican. Where does this DUmmie live? In the Cambridge, MA ACLU dormitory?]

I grew up Mennonite, trust me. The scariest fundies I know are the Mennonites from my hometown. Some of them are indeed our friends. Others want us shot. By the way, the scariest Mennonites I've seen are those that leave the Amish church.

[LOL! BTW, I used to hang out in Amish/Mennonite country up in northeast Indiana (Shipshewana and the big joke there is that a Mennonite is an Amishman with a drivers license.]

try inviting them to functions at YOUR church. One thing I know about fundie churches is that there are a lot of schisms because there are such strong, sometimes extreme, philosophies. If your group is laid back and welcoming, you can provide a haven for people suffering from that sort of schism.

[Somehow I think that just because there are philosophical diffences between a Southern Baptist and a Pentecostalist, they are not both going to suddenly accept Gaia worship of Mother Earth at your local Druid Church.]

Find a tall cliff. Put a sign on it saying:

"All ye who believe jump off to join the rapture" Tell all your fundie friends and neighbors about it.

[Is that the same cliff where Pied Piper Pitt led you DUmmie Lemmings over on the Day When Everything Finally Changed (and also on the NEXT Day When Everything Finally Changed)?]

Keep looking for cracks in their armor
One that tends to make their heads explode is that Tim LaHaye, author of the Left Behind books, has been associated with the Moonies since 1981.

[You were Left Behind in the hospital alley by your Mama shortly after birth.]

Does your "very liberal" Sunday School class study right from the Bible? If so, how do you deal with the very fundamental nature of scripture?

[Simple. They merely tear out the "inconvenient" pages.]

I have been a member for only a few months, but generally, the answer to your question is no, we do not take most lessons from the Bible. When I joined the class, they were in the middle of studying a book about how science and religion mix (or not). Since then, we have been on the Armstrong book since it is quite long and complex.

[IOW, you just ignore the Bible in your Sunday school class in favor of studying the holy texts from your local Womyn's Book Store.]

Well, we deal with the mentally ill with medication and therapy. Maybe someday there will be a fundamentalist pill!

[I'm waiting for the introduction of the DUmmie Pill.]

I believe most in the class are thinking of white fundamentalists, but I know what you mean about the black fundamentalists. My brother has had several discussions with some at his work, and they pretty much told him that if he did not believe the Bible literally, he was going to hell.

[Telling a DUmmie to go to hell would make my day.]

These are the same churches (the black ones) that our candidates routinely campaign in. Right from the pulpit too.

[And somehow that is okay in DUmmieland. However, God forbid a Republican candidate says ANYTHING remotely political in a church. That is completely prohibited. This discrepancy is also known as the Jesse Jackson Effect.]

Talk to them and Lead by example.

[LOL! And such a great example you DUmmies show! Bunch of raving loooonatic mental cases. Yeah, show them how to visualize their own reality. Oh, and don't forget the phony Hopi Indian prayer and how you BEEEEEELEEEVE Kerry was inaugurated last Jan. 20.]


Blogger FlaK said...

Wow...the isolation of these people from "fundies" like myself is amazing. Yet, half these same people rant about this country being taken over by us.

9:57 PM  
Blogger Icarus said...

I suspect the DUmmies would label anyone who has ever seen the inside of a church a "Fundie."

Amazing how truly intolerant the "tolerance" gang is, huh?

Amazing how little they actually value real diversity - as in diversity of thought and belief.

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