Wednesday, April 06, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 04-06-05 ("Perhaps I really am a hypocrite")

Few things are as FUnnie as seeing a DUmmie in Full Fury. Their anger and frustration knows no bounds as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Perhaps I really am a hypocrite.” I am tempted to refer this DUmmie to Dr. Buddy Rydell for some Anger Management therapy but I fear he/she/it would actually enjoy the fact that Dr. Rydell prefers to sleep in the nude. However, if there were ever a candidate for a heavy dose of fortified Prozac, DUmmie TheWatcher is it. So let us now lead off with the enraged diatribe by DUmmie TheWatcher. As usual the furious DUmmie bile spewings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, with tranquilizer dart at the ready, is in the [brackets]:

Perhaps I really am a hypocrite.

[Congratulations! You have a lot of hypocritical company in DUmmieland.]

I almost came to an altercation today with a mouth-breathing Republican today. At the Post Office no less. Parking lot actuallyApparently he had a problem with my multi-colored hair, the Anti-Bush Sticker on my car, and he probably had a sexually embarrassing moment when he realized I wasn't what he thought he was.

[Interesting statement, DUmmie TheWatcher. Let’s analyze it. If the “mouth-breathing Republican” realized that you weren’t what he though he was, what does that mean? Hmmm…. Well, since he thought he was a man that must mean that he thought you were also a man but became embarrassed when he found out different. That must mean you are one of those infamous otherly gendered folks. But continue with your rant, DUmmie TheWatcher…]

But I digress. The whole sordid details really are not that important. He accosted me verbally, and got into my personal space about it, tried to get physical, and I stood my ground. My rather large friend who I was giving a ride to work promptly intervened and made sure the situation did not get out of hand. That's about all the sordid details I feel like discussing.

[Not meaning to cast aspersions upon your veracity, Dummie TheWatcher, but why would a NORMAL person want to get into the personal space of a walking, multi-hued hair, freak show like you?]

As we "chatted" outside of his Huge SUV with the Bush/Cheney Stickers plastered all over it, something occurred to me. So often I have heard from other liberals and progressives that we must learn to "be better than they are." That we should not be confrontational, that we should not instigate trouble, that we should be above the fray, be like Gandhi instead of Genghis Kahn, that we should try to peacefully co-exist with those who oppose us, because to not do so makes us no better than them.

[Hmmm….Things are becoming clearer. Since a normal person wants nothing to do with a freakazoid like Dummie TheWatcher, what PROBABLY happened is this DUmmie saw the pro-Bush bumper stickers on the EVIL Republican’s SUV and got into HIS face.]

And I have always tried to express to others the same thing. To everyone, young and old. But things have gotten to the point in our country that I realize that maybe I am no better then them in this regard.

[Actually DUmmie TheWatcher, you are NO better than them in ANY regard.]

I hate these people. I really do.

[Don’t hold back. Tell us how you REALLY feel.]

I hate everything they stand for. They are destroying my country, they are a danger to my well-being, and they are getting to the point they will not leave well enough alone. They won't mind their own business and the feel emboldened and powerful because they feel they have been given some sort of Social and Cultural "Mandate" to impose themselves on all of us.

[Trust me. The LAST thing I want to do is impose myself on a freakazoid like you, DUmmie TheWatcher.]

You know what? I'm not so sure I'm willing to co-exist peacefully with them either. I have about reached the point where enough is enough. I am beginning to question THEIR right to exist, and whether the country and this planet would be better off without THEM.

[DAMN THEM for being normal and well-adjusted! DAMN THEM TO HELL!!!]

And yet this is how they think and feel toward us. This is what we are told to avoid in our thoughts and reasoning.

[Please forgive me for thinking of you as a freak, you freak.]

But my perspective is starting to get a bit hazy.

[Don’t worry, it’s just La Cocaina kicking in.]

Maybe I AM a hypocrite.

[Trust me. Being a hypocrite is the LEAST of your MANY problems, DUmmie TheWatcher.]

This happened only 45 minutes ago, so the rage is still fresh, but I must say that I am at my breaking point with people like this.

[Then you must be at the breaking point 24/7.]

To these people my message is simple.

Stay OUT of my personal space.


SHUT Your F*cking MOUTH.

GO ON about your DAY.

[Apparently the Bluebird of Happiness has yet to land on your shoulder.]

I know there are a lot of Freepers who read this board, and I know how they feel about us. To them I have a message as well.

[We’re all ears!]

DITTO you worthless, mass-murder enabling pieces of filth. MEGA DITTO.

[Ayyyyy! You got me! Oh how that hurts! Perhaps the pain can be alleviated by some laughter brought on by your fellow DUmmies.]

I'm with you 100%. I don't turn the other cheek for these monsters. They'll bite a big chunk out of the other one to. You don't have to fight fire with fire, but standing there and reasoning with a fire isn't going to do much good either. Hitting it with a forceful stream of water until it's beaten into submission is about the only way to get the job done.

[Psst! That forceful stream of water appears to be running down your leg, DUmmie readmoreoften.]

I know how you feel. I'm Christian myself and I dislike feeling this way about fellow humans and people who claim to be of the same faith as me but then turn around and behave the way they do. Jesus was about humbility, respect, peace, love, helping the meek, lonely, downtrownded. These people who claim to care about the country and about Christ really don't unless it's only for them. I no longer watch much tv myself. I get all my news from here and only have a few shows I enjoy watching.

[I hate to be the one to inform you, DUmmie FreedomAngel82, but being a member of the First Church of the Universal Whatever doesn’t count as Christian.]

Rage and Hate and Fear are the great tools of political endeavor....

[Rage and Hate and Fear, Oh My! Rage and Hate and Fear, Oh My!]

What kills me is my friend who believes in many republican ideals and disagrees with bush but still blindly supports him. I don't get it...

[Perhaps he is a mind-numbed robot programmed by Rush Limbaugh. Did you check the back of his neck for a small leafy growth?]

I have never heard so many accounts of "Bumper Sticker Rage" in my entire life until these past couple of years. People are litteraly getting into physical and verbal altercations to the point of assault and battery over BUMPER STICKERS.

[You mean like that DUmmie on the West Coast of Florida who ran a female Republican off the road?]

My little bro' got ran off the highway and a gun pointed at him for his sticker. i still hesitate to go back to Indiana to visit him.

[Welcome to Fairy Tale Theater.]

I like to say over and over:

If you support Bush, why aren't you in Iraq?

If you support Bush, why aren't you in Iraq?

If you support Bush, why aren't you in Iraq?

[Because he’s a 75 year old Korean War veteran.

Because he’s a 75 year old Korean War veteran.

Because he’s a 75 year old Korean War veteran.]

How in the world are we supposed to go about our daily lives like this?

[By accepting the primacy of Karl Rove.]

I have also been run off the road and yelled at for my stickers - that was the most extreme instance. But I have also been yelled at at red lights and then cut off by the driver and my vehicle has been vandalized on more than one occasion.

[And did Space Aliens give you The Finger?]

He tried to call the police but he has tremors and was especially shaky at that point so he just gave up once they left. The only thing he remembered was that it was a van with people about his age early 20's and that this van had a semper fi sticker on it.

[Funny how all these DUmmies seem to have MULTIPLE road rage run-ins with Rednecks but never seem to report the incidents to the police.]

I'm just waiting for so many surpressed people to one day just pop. Those on the right are just really asking for it. They just can't shut up and let us have our lives even after they control everything in the government. They aren't going to be happy until we are in a civil war or we all just give up to them. But I don't think that'd happen personally.

[Guess what? You’ve ALREADY popped!]

Man, why doesn't someone try that crap on me?

[Not to worry. Just let me know what parking lot you will be appearing at and when and I’ll arrange to have you properly tased and pepper sprayed.]

the ugliness of the American spirit is becoming revealed: the maggots of publicly widespread fascism begin writhing about

[Excuse me while I mourn the demise of Bolshevism.]

The powers that be are overjoyed that so many of us think we should be Gandhi-like. The neocons, Freepers, and other right-wing rabble know they can stomp all over us, because what are us "gun-hating freaks" gonna do about it? I am not non-confrontational, or non-violent, nor a gun hater. The right should be aware that there are quite a few lefties like me around. There should be a structure to us, the diplomats and the soldiers. I fall into the latter category.

[Thus spaketh Comandante Dave Reynolds, the rough tough soldier of Dummieland.]

It takes more than words to get me raging. Not yet once has any instance turned physical. That is because I truly believe more often than not these sheeple and freepers are in shock when confronted by an ANGRY LIBERAL who scares THEM.

[Actually that shock comes from seeing DUmmie masshole wearing a camo-colored tutu.]

I've had it with these fundie, holier-than-thou, knuckle draggers. I'm surrounded by them where I live, and I refuse to be quiet and take the high road any longer.

[Welcome to the sewage ditch.]

I thought about this last night... It is like having Neanderthals run our government and we human beings are just standing by. Well, no longer. I will not sit and do nothing as they are literally destroying our country and our earth.

[Call the Anger Management Hotline: 1-800-BUSH-WON.]

could it be that freepers are frustrated? I mean, * and all his cultists are screwing up big time. Are the freeps starting to get out of hand 'cause they see this, are frustrated, mad as hell and see the train wreck coming?

[You got it. We ARE frustrated. It all began on Election Day when we prematurely gloated over the fact that the exit polls showed a Bush victory. Then imagine our surprise and RAGE when Kerry won. But don’t worry. I BEEEELIEEEEVE that Bush will be inaugurated on January 20.]

Envy is at the base of all their hatred of us actually, they want what we have and can't have it, and they hate us because we CAN have it.

[DAMN IT! I want a multi-hued Mohawk haircut just like you. Oh how I hate you for having what I can’t have!]

Admittedly things are a lot harder for me because of who and what I am. I'm not apologetic for it and I will NEVER be. It is my identity, it is who I am, and I function just as normally and intellectualy as anyone.

[Transsexual? Transvestite? Lesbian? Gay? Cross dresser? Otherly gendered. Hey, don’t keep us in suspense!]

So I feel your pain, and believe me, when they get up in my shit the way you described I really do want to open up the Costco-sized can of whoop-ass all over their f*cking parade. They like to brag about their bravado, and their guns, and their other phony, macho, self-righteous bullshit, and while we, the "pacifist party", (ahem) usually turn the other cheek, and are the better humans. Eventually, though, like the kid that's been picked on by the school bully one too many times, we WILL snap, and so help me Christ, it won't be pretty at all.

[Lithium treatment or electro-shock therapy today? You choice.]

Oh Yeah babeeee! Hate 'em and all they stand for! My MOTTO!

[Your invitation to the Hate Week festivities is in the mail.]

Cold Civil War..and it's going to go hot if some things don't change soon.

[Like last November’s election results?]

I rake the Bush administration over the coals everywhere I go. Doing it in line at the grocery store tends to get a lot of attention. Whenever a knuckle-dragger opens his hole, I demand to know why he isn't in Iraq and offer a ride to the nearest military recruiter. Shuts them up EVERY time... cowards!

[In case of emergency, you can be ID’d by the teeth marks in your leather strap.]

I'm not above kicking the living shit out of someone. And I certainly don't consider myself a hypocrite for it. If one of those Bush idiots wants to get in my face he'd better be prepared to get f*cked up because I will not be disrespected like that. I'm so pissed off at this government and these imbeciles that support it I'd welcome the opportunity to beat on one of them. They think they can bully us because they believe the propaganda about Dems being punks. Being liberal does not mean you can't or won't fight. Sometimes you just have to kick someone's ass when they ask for it.

[Would you like Dr. Nice-Nice to loosen up your restraining straps a bit?]


Blogger Icarus said...

Note to PJ:


Lately you've been getting (in my humble opinion) a tad too serious with this thing.

As in, you've been actually arguing with your DUmmie ant farm, actually sounding annoyed.

It's MUCH MUCH funnier when you gently mock them rather than debate them.

THIS, on the other hand, is perfect. (Of course, they more or less mocked themselves ..... but still)

More like this and you might just get that book deal ...

2:03 PM  

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