Friday, February 11, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 02-11-05 ("Is anyone else tired of living like this?")

This DUmmie THREAD is one long primal scream titled, “Is anyone else tired of living like this?” It is living proof that the DUmmies suffer from more than just political setbacks, they are also in a state of SEVERE clinical depression. We lead off this whine with the posting of the author of the thread, the aptly named DUmmie, BattyDem. The Primal DUmmie Screamings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, standing by to administer the Meds, is in the [brackets]:

The lies ... the corruption ... the ignorance and apathy of the people ... the 24/7 propaganda ... the rigged elections ... the total disregard for non-American lives ... the lack of compassion for the poor, the elderly, the sick and the disabled ... the destruction of our Constitution ... the elimination of science in favor of religious dogma ... the CONSTANT insertion of (the Christian) God into EVERY aspect of our lives and laws, coupled with the total disrespect of other religions ... the bigotry, the discrimination and the outright hatred of anyone who isn't a straight, white, Christian, American man ... Patriot Act II ... the lack of REAL journalism in the MSM ... the fact that these criminals continue to do whatever they damn well please and no one stops them ... and most of all, the recurring hope that we're on the verge of toppling the regime and taking our country back, only to have the "scandal" fade into oblivion. I am so tired of this shit! I don't know how people in Nazi Germany, the Soviet Union, Mussolini's Italy, etc. managed to survive without going insane. I'm serious ... I'm reaching the breaking point.

[Home ... I have no home. Hunted, despised ... living like an animal. The jungle is my home! But I will show the world that I can be its master! I shall perfect my own race of people ... a race of atomic supermen that will conquer the WORLD!]

I'm sure I'm not the only DUer who has felt this way, either in the present or the past. I'd like to know what you all are doing to stay positive and/or how you re-energized when you felt like throwing in the towel. I know about all the suggested "activism" to focus our emotions into doing something positive - contacting the media, contacting our representatives, writing LTTE, etc., but what happens when you reach a point when you feel like all you're doing is banging your head against the wall in a futile attempt to make someone pay attention?

[Cheer up! Things could be worse. At least you’re not being featured and openly mocked on the DUFUs before THOUSANDS.]

I'm not trying to bring anyone down or discourage anyone from fighting, I just really need to know how other DUers stay sane when the world around us is drowning in insanity.

[I wouldn’t worry too much about the DUmmies trying to stay sane. That battle has been lost long ago.]

I go skiing and hang out with friends. Then I come back to the fight.

[Eating a bag of stale potato chips does the trick for me.]

thank god for college...I feel like no one around me (in real life!) wants to wake up and realize the mess this country is in. It's very frustrating...

[Perhaps someday they will wake up and realize what a wonderful genius you are. Until then just satisfy yourself with being just another socially awkward cretin.]

I feel like banging my head into a wall. Heh heh.

[And don’t forget to accompany your head banging with the following Primal Scream: “I HATE BUSH!!! HATE HIM!!! HATE HIM!!! HATE HIM!!!”]

I take a break from reality a trashy novel, go skiing, play with my dog, turn off the tv, radio and computer. I would go completely bonkers if I didn't. I am considering making it a challenge to myself to work out every time I get a full-on scowl on my face from all this shit. I might sweat to death though. I also love to organize my closet and stuff like that, it calms the OCD demons and lets me chill on the political stuff for a bit. Then I get pissed and vocal all over again. fight fight fight!

[I would say that your break from reality has been a complete success.]

Look at it this way...what if you were a freeper? Sure, your side would control the political power. You would be free of the pain you are in now. But, what about the costs to you? You would wake up every day hating gays, minorities, anything non-christian. You would be under the control of fear mongering by your leaders and RW talk show hosts.

[Excuse me while I beat up an otherly gendered Tibetan monk.]

How do I stay sane in these crazy times? I sit in my garden and watch the hummingbirds and the squirrels. I listen to classical music. I talk to like-minded friends and we commiserate and talk things out together. I work out at the gym and feel determined to stay healthy so I can live a LONG TIME so that I can be a part of the necessary regime change that MUST happen here by 2008.

[After Jeb wins in 2008, you will be talking to those hummingbirds and squirrels.]

I go from rage to profound sadness...then rage...sadness...

[Thank God you at least go through that therapeutic rage stage.]

Shit- sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind!

[I hate to be the one to inform you but you left your mind behind about 50 miles back down the road.]

In much of the world, what we are going through is day to day life for them. Look at what goes on in Africa.

[You’re starving to death? Hang on! I’ll give a call to Sally Struthers to plead your case on the tube.]

these Bushbots have got to be similar to Nazi Germary ... hail our great leader .. the blind devotion. It's depressing, it sucks ... my company is blowing out 1600 of us, including me ... another victim of the Bush economy ... I miss Clinton ... I miss my 401k that now is more like a 201k ... I'm thinking of asking the doc for something like xanax or such. Diety help us all make it the next few years.

[Perhaps Diety or Deity can also provide you with a heavy dose of Prozac with a Lithium chaser.]

I went on drugs so I could sleep at night without thinking freepers were on their way to kill me. 2 days and counting. We'll see how it goes.

[Just take a slight dose of cyanide and I guarantee you won’t be worrying about Freeper killing you.]

mass medication. You know how horses have salt licks in barns ... we need to have giant Valium licks in public places ... work, banks, etc., ... have a lick and cope with this fundamental Xtian crap.

[LOL!!! Thanx for giving me the BEST laugh I’ve had in a month!!! I can just picture DUmmies on all fours partaking of a giant Valium lick. The mental image is making me fall out of my chair again!!!]

Take it from me...Don't do drugs.


I knitted during Bush's SOTU. I finished a beanie for my son. I knew I had to listen to it so I'd know what everyone was talking about afterwards, and the knitting kept me from beating my head against the walls.

[Did you knit a straitjacket for yourself?]

There is no balance of powers anymore- the far right controls every branch of government, the voting machines in key precints are rigged- and the far right owns the vast majority of the print and broadcast media. Short of an economic collapse, a larger more disaterous war, a Bhopal like environmental catastrophe or virulent pandemic- the far right will never willingly give up power.

[In that case, the only way out for you is to take a quicksand mud bath.]

I don't think I can stay sane. Every friggin' day there is another outrage that makes my head explode. When you find out how to deal with all this, please enlighten me, because I get so angry and depressed that I am no fun to be around, believe me. And I am tired of it.

[May I place your name on the DUFU PING List?]

Everytime there is some additional outrage or scandal or abomination that you're sure will be their undoing, they just keep on sailing and get away with something even worse the next time. I'm no fun to be around, either. I wonder if there are support groups for.

[Thank you for that excellent description of the Road Runner cartoon theme, Mr. Coyote. Oh, and sorry about all those Acme Co. packages blowing up in your face.]

Four years and counting of these daily outrages, waiting for the other shoe to drop, has changed my personality for the worst. If I'm not awake dreading every moment, I'm dreaming about horrible outcomes.

[To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.]

Harrass any and all Republicans incessantly...Take your crazy and make someone else insane...Bush Bash til you can't Bush Bash no more!

[Ah! The power of positive thinking.]

I love to bait my wife's idiot brother and his dysfunctional family.

[Shall I pack tuna casserole in my picnic basket when your in-laws invite me to your lynch party.]

All our dem candidates are hard to choose because for the most part any of them would make a great president ( don't know about joe)....The frustration we deal with when some spoiled adolesent steals the election twice or some hack actor or muscle head calling themselves the great communicator or conan the tax trasher gets dropped into our lives on puppet strings by the neocon corporate pirates is hard to handle. We are sane !!!!!! it's the republicans who get duped who are crazy.

[Sure, sure. You’re sane and all the rest of us are crazy. Now keep repeating that and the Happy Farms gang will be along any minute with your butterfly net to play with.]

who said I was sane. I don't feel it anymore sometimes. Suicide gets daily consideration. I'm clinically depressed so that's not a suprise but the current state of the world doesn't help matters. My wife is really the only reason I have for being. I'm frustrated beyond words that whenever I try to see some light at the end of the tunnel the apathy and stupidity of those running the world just astounds me and I see nothing but an abyss staring back at me filled with the broken flesh of countless good people who never asked to be caught up in the folly of a few.

[Don’t blame me! I never accused you of being sane. Honest.]

in under 24 hours i had two brothers call me and tell me their bigotry was so ok they have a right to it.

[“Hello DUmmie seabeyond. This is your brother giving you a call just to let you know that my bigotry is so ok and that I have a right to it.”]

ANY person yearning to be free in ANY Totalitarian Nation feels this not just Imperial Amerika. Our feelings are no different than those who resisted the nazis or Soviets or Khmer Rouge or Ferdinand Marcos or Pinochet or Putin or any other of the Bushevik-type Leaders. As far as I am concerned we can be grateful they are killing us wholesale, though that is probably not an least until the Last generations born in Free America have died off or grown decrepit. Then all bets are off. And I wouldn't give a bucket or warm spit for the poor bastards alive in Amerika 2050 or, God Forbid, 2100.

[Hmm…. I notice that this upbeat post was made by DUmmie tom_paine. I wonder if this DUmmie is the son of Bill Moyers who runs the TomPaine.Com website. The “uplifting” message fits right in with that website theme.]

I know what not to do, and that is too go see a shrink. All they will do is dumb you up with dangerous drugs. You have a right too feel like that. Your not losing your mind, or the only one who feels like that. It is a NORMAL feeling to feel despair when you watch your country sinking into a state of corruption.

[Yeah, much better to live with UNCONTROLLABLE RAGE 24/7. You may not be losing your mind but you are doing an incredible impression of it.]

Threads like this, unfortunately, make freepers happy.

[Not just happy but filled with uncontrollable laughter as well. But continue with the laughs…]

Remember: that's one thing we have in our favor: our every move, every breath, every piece of legislation, every website, isn't EXPRESSLY devoted to pissing off/killing the "other side." Theirs is.

[Kill off the DUmmies? No way! Not when you provide BUNDLES of laughs. Continue…]

They have no other motivations other than revenge for the imagined slights they suffered in the 60's, 70's and 80's. (Well, greed and power, too. But what's foremost in the conservative brain is REVENGE REVENGE REVENGE.)

[Don’t worry. You’re not CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY. Continue with the comedy shtick…]

When the conservatives see that they've just about driven some of us over a cliff, they squeal in delight. This is what makes them the ugly, evil pigs they are: they live for this (freeper posts are full of the actual, visceral, literal, blood n guts revenge fantasies they engage in 24/7 in their heads.) In fact, their zeal for pissing off liberals is matched only in proportion to their lack of ideas, ideals, and positive goals. One is a peak, the other a valley, each are vast.

[Hard not to laugh when you all are talking about using Valium licks. Continue with your vast laughs…]

If you really want to beat the right at their own game, never ever express how distraught you are (except in PM's), and instead keep resolute. Like the old deodorant commercial says, "Never let 'em see you sweat."

[BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Is that Flop Sweat I see soaking your diapers? Or is that stink from another source? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!]


Blogger Icarus said...

Oh, PJ! Oh .... Oh, man!

That's it ---- this is without doubt, without question, THE FUNNIEST DUMMIE FUNNIE EVER!

Oh, man. Seriously. That's it. Shut down your website. You've reached the pinnacles of comedy and the DUmmies have reached unreachable depths of vapid hypocrisy.

(Uh, one is like a mountain, yeah, and the other is like a valley, and they're both like really big .... or something!)

Seriously --- it's never going to get better. Move along folks, shows over.

They can't possibly get dumber. Or funnier.

Then again .... maybe they can?

I'll be sure to tune and find out. But it's gonna be a LONG time before you top this one.

6:05 PM  
Blogger Mudi said...

Icarus: Just wait. The further into Bush's second term, the funnier these are getting. I think it will be a short wait before we get another good one.

7:33 PM  
Blogger PJ-Comix said...

Thanx all. Yes, the DUmmies are only going to get FUnnier as time passes.

11:11 AM  

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