Tuesday, July 25, 2006

"Dennis Kucinich looks like an elf"

Is there an anti-elvian prejudice afoot in the land? According to the DUmmies there is and I can't say I disagree with them. I mean how seriously can you take somebody who looks like a tiny elf? Even Kucinich's former press secretary (William Rivers Pitt) secretly mocked him by sending insider info on the 2004 Kucinich presidential primary campaign to the Kerry campaign in a desperate bid to ingratiate himself with the latter until the Elf discovered the betrayal and fired Pitt. Of course, if an elf cannot be elected president, does that also close the White House doors to people with a Leprechaun appearance? In any event, the prejudice against elves is dicussed in this DUmmie THREAD accurately titled, "Dennis Kucinich looks like an elf." As usual, the DUmmie elfian treatise is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, pouring Pixie Dust on Kucinich's presidential chances, are in the [brackets]:

Dennis Kucinich looks like an elf

[Hey, it's better than looking like a Frankenstein monster which is who your 2004 presidential candidate resembled.]

That's why nobody would vote for him to be the next president. Because of how he looks. He doesn't have a southern accent and he doesn't have white hair. He doesn't look like a president, so people don't take him seriously.

[Time to initiate a whole bunch of anti-elf discrimination legislation.]

Well, I say enough of this idiocy. Forget Hillary. Forget Gore, Clark, Joe, or whoever the hell else. Dennis Kucinich would probably be the best damn thing to happen if people would only give him a chance. He's a pacifist, he's progressive, he seems to actually give a f*ck about the people, and he's not corrupted by big corporations and lobbyists.

[Too bad the American people are too narrow to overcome their anti-elf prejudices.]

You want to send a REAL message to the assholes right now controlling the country? Both the Democrats and the Republicans? (And don't for one second think there aren't corrupted Dems). Send the one guy who the media doesn't give a chance in hell to the white house. Show those bastards that the people are going to take the country back by putting the guy who doesn't look like a president and who was divorced in power.

[Elf for Pres!]

If you look at his policies, they're the most progressive. They're the best ideas. If he was president and people like him ran the senate and congress, things would actually start to improve. Health care, education, the economy, the world stage. So why don't people vote for him?

[Because he looks like Tinkerbell's groom?]

Because he looks like an elf.

[Cheer up. Plastic surgery could make him look like a leprechaun.]


[FUnnie. And now to hear from the rest of the pro-elvian DUmmies...]

I got no problem with Dennis Kucinich. None.

[You are one of the rare ones who has overcome anti-elf prejudices.]

Dumberica likes only medium-to-tall white alpha males with folksy demeanor. Corporations would order the news to paint him as a crazy leaping gnome.

[More like a Gollum...like James Carville.]

He might look like an elf, but liberals are naturally adversed to... anything that looks like money - pretty is not an attractive thing to liberals, got it? Pretty means money, and in our minds, money is evil. That's why liberals don't mind that Kucinich looks like an elf.

[I don't mind either. Some of my best friends are elves.]

Progressives could have made Kucinich the nominee.
But we talk ourselves out of it with hand-wringing about "electability." Well, we picked the most "electable" candidate running in the '04 primary and we saw how that worked out.

[Lurch lost.]

Sad but true- just like Robin Cook in the UK who was a gifted politician but acknowledged that he would never become Prime Minister because he looked like a garden gnome.

[At least he was able to scare the crows away from the tomatos.]

Hes definietely the MAN... but Americans are too stupid
to appreciate him!

[They just can't get past that elf thing.]

Perhaps those shallow thinkers will be silenced should he ever run again, with his tall, beautiful wife standing at his side.

[Being towered over by your own wife? That would only emphasize his elfishness.]

I think Kerry's looks may have hurt him as well.

[Those looks scared the hell out of the kids.]

Even Al Frum, Mr DLC, said that Edwards wasn't invited to their meeting this past weekend, but not to make much of it because they didn't need a beauty contest anyway. What a snark.

[Frum was just jealous of Edwards' hairspray.]

You are wrong - Dennis has always been attractive to me and
I believe to many other women, as well. He has way more sizzle than most men.

[Dennis Kucinich as the next Fabio.]

He's Keebler, reincarnated!

[Certainly not the Jolly Green Giant.]

I saw a focus group on C-span during the summer of 2003, about the dem primary candidates. They showed the panel pictures of the nine candidates and asked for their impressions. There were something like ten people in the focus group, and a couple of them recognized a few of the candidates, the rest recognized zero of them. No one recognized Dennis. Their reaction to his picture was to laugh.

[Time to face an ugly truth---elves are FUnnie.]

I love that man, and I wanted to marry him, but that English woman Elizabeth beat me to it.

[The Pillsbury Dough Boy is still available.]

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Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

I'd vote for him. Imagine the hella-yummy cookies he'd be making right from the White House!

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