Pied Piper Pitt Day Fifth Anniversary

WOO! HOO!

I’ve gone 6 months without smoking! My sacred lungs have been untarnished by toxic nicotine fumes that whole time. Not once did I ever relapse and suck down hard on a cigarette.

Okay. Whom am I kidding here? Of course I relapsed. I mean why do you think no more triumphalist postings from me on this topic since I BRAGGED about hitting the 50 day no smoking mark?

So why this confession? Because it is sooooo much better for you to rag on me for having absolutely no willpower than for you to remember this date. What date? Let me give you a hint: it was the date that Patrick Fitzgerald indicted Karl Rove. MERRY FITZMAS!

Unfortunately for me, May 12, 2006 turned out to be not so merry. It marked my final downfall from which I could not recover even after the span of 24 business hours. And now we have hit the fifth anniversary of that memorable day which shall forever tarnish the Magic Man.

Yes, I wish you would forget all about that day just like I wish I could forget that I ever knew that degenerate thieving drug addict, Jason Leopold. Oh how I wish I could go back in a time machine five years and tell Leopold, "Geez Jason. How about if you take your sealed/unsealed indictment and shove it!" Instead I eagerly grasped at Leopold's indictment fantasy and enthusiastically ran with it. At the time it seemed like the smart thing to do. I mean David Shuster (who was getting his info from Jason as well) practically guaranteed an indictment was imminent. But it was not to be.

Oh Dear God in heaven, in whom I do not believe, why hast thou forsaken your Willie Boy? All I needed was that indictment and the world would have been my oyster. Instead of pacing a tiny square of pavement in front of Bukowki's late at night as a phony bouncer, I would have been the toast of Boston and beyond. Big shot politicos would have made their way to my table at fine steak restaurants to shmooze the guy who scooped the Rove indictment story. I would have been a regular guest on MSNBC or, perhaps, had my own show. Instead I have turned myself into the object of derision and mockery, with my lips forever joined for all eternity to Jason Leopold's butt. Leopold and Lib. And Lib can NEVER escape that unfortunate connection.

Yeah, Jason, I wish I never heard of you. Unfortunately, I have to continue to stick to the fantasy that there is still a possibility of a Karl Rove indictment yet to be made known to the public in the form of a sealed indictment. I have no choice. However, I dearly wish I could just throw Leopold under the bus. In the meantime have you noticed the words "Jason Leopold" have never left my lips? Just like you NEVER hear me say the words "Scott Ritter." If I ever have to refer my non-person co-author of a New York Times vanity press "bestseller" that never went above about #900,000 on Amazon, it will be as "Temporary ScottPuppet." It was the misfortune of Temporary ScottPuppet that he does not have a wealthy family member that could have checkbooked his way out of a conviction on a pervo charge. From now on let us just pretend that Temporary ScottPuppet doesn't even exist. So stay away from me Temporary ScottPuppet and while you're at it, stay away from any Newton schoolyards.

I think you get an idea now of how low a noble descendent of William Pitt the Elder as well as Younger has fallen. BTW, has anybody actually looked into the genealogy of those distinguished British Pitts. It turns out that William Pitt the Younger had no children. Yes, he did have a brother but he also had no children. So maybe I was related to William Pitt the Elder by a back door. Well, the Elder did have a brother, Thomas, who would have been flying a rainbow flag over his home had any existed back then. Thomas the Rainbow, despite his proclivities, had a son also named Thomas but guess what? Son Thomas had no children. No Pitts from either the William Pitt the Elder line nor from that of his only brother but guess what? I'm just going to allow the pretense that I am descended from the distinguished British Pitts stand. At least they did not end up as pretend bar bouncers pacing the sidewalk.

So enjoy your Pied Piper Pitt celebrations. It is a day that I would just as soon forget just like I would like to forget the hell that my life has become.

MERRY FITZMAS!!!