Saturday, June 23, 2012

DUmmie Preppers get ready for Rmoney's Rethuglican Rule

The DUmmie Underground Resistance Fighters (DURF) are hunkered down in their Perfect Rovian Storm Cellars. The walls are lined with canned goods and powdered instant foods. Cartons of triage milk and jugs of distilled water are stacked on the floor. The Resistance Fighters, their faces full of concern and working-class nobility, are huddled in groups around their shortwave radios. A man is trying to pick up the signal. A woman is holding her crying baby. "Any word, Will?" "No, Nadin, I can't raise them."

Meanwhile, overhead, bands of young men in shortsleeved white shirts and neckties are going from house to house, confiscating coffee and looking for Progs to take to the Bain Reeducation Camps.

And a tumbleweed blows across the dusty prairie.

Welcome to Mitt Romney's America.

Such are the fears of the DUmmies. It's Bush and Camp Rummy all over again, only this time it's Bain and Camp Romney. The Koch Brothers replace Darth Cheney as the bête noire DU jour. Rove is probably still involved, sending out mind-control rays. But it's the same old sh*t looming on the horizon. What to do if Obama LOSES and Romney WINS? It's looking more and more like that could happen. What's a DUmmie to do?

And so the DUmmie Preppers are getting ready for Rmoney's Rethuglican Rule. ("Rmoney" is the preferred spelling over there.) Preparations are being made, plans are being laid, as we see here in this THREAD, "If you knew Romney was going to win, how would you prepare?"

So let us now enter the dystopian nightmare world of the DUmmies and find out the plans of the DUmmie Preppers, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, himself hoarding and hiding his stores of coffee, is in the [brackets]:

If you knew Romney was going to win, how would you prepare?

[Well, Michelle Obama is loading up on her frequent flyer miles, to use on future vacations.]

I'm talking serious steps to protect yourself and your family from the ensuing financial buttf***ing. . . .

[benburch is loading up on KY Jelly.]

What would you do to insulate yourself as best you could?

[ben doesn't believe in insulation.]

And I'm assuming that we're not talking about building a bunker in the woods. . . .

[No way! Nadin Brzezinski's bunker is right there in her back yard. And when Will Pitt disappears into the woods, it's to Mother Raven's cabin. Bobo the Hobo will just stay in the back of her Buick.]

wish I could leave the country.

[Wish harder. Try the first two stars you see tonight. Throw four coins in the fountain.]

Cyanide capsules. . . .


Stock up on abortions. . . .

[Get 'em while they last!]

So I guess I'll be certain to use contraceptiv...d'oh!

[Sandra Fluke checks in.]

Stockpile a lot of liquor.

[PJ can get you coupons. Do you like rum?]

I'd Get Plenty Of Preparation H. . . .

[I'm anticipating lots of Humorrhoids from the DUmmies this fall!]

I'm getting too old for this sh*t.

[Nonsense! You're never too old!]

pay down debt.

["Pay down debt." Feel the irony.]

Start looking for an exit plan. Romney administration would be the nail that closed the coffin on the US.

[Mitt Romney: Empire Ender.]

I don't think it would be the end of the world . . .


I know there are lots of doom and gloomers running around saying we might as well commit hari-kari if Romney won. . . .

[I think you should commit hokey-pokey and put your whole self out.]

if we can survive a Bush the idiot son. . . .

["Survive"? "SURVIVE"?? You think we SURVIVED the Bush Regime?? Think of all our fellow Americans who were disappeared into Walmart detention centers and never heard from again! Think of-- Wait, that didn't happen, did it? Hmm. . . .]

It's a different world. Now the Repukes don't care anymore about PC or doing what's right. They would undo all the good Obama done immediately. . . . And they would make sure no Democrat ever gets a chance to be on the ballot. Especially if the Repukes hold the majority in the house, and take a lead in the Senate. And then there's the Supreme Court. A life sentence for all of us.

[Just. Give. Up. Now.]

Hope the Mayan calendar is true.

[You're foreseen, you're beautiful, and you're Mayan. . . .]

I'm torn. My wife is a Canadian . . . and I'm making sure her passport and our marriage license are both in good order.

[Don't be torn! Be Torontan!]

Make plans to move to Canada. You won't regret it. With global warming you'll hardly ever notice the winters!

[Good to know, when you're standing in line outside for five hours, waiting to make a doctor's appointment.]

Nothing. Haven't really done much of anything during any other administration. Haven't really done much worse or better under any of them. I will survive.

[The DUde abides. In his mother's basement.]

Get some guns and stock pile ammo. . . .

[Is that you, Eric Holder?]

along with items that are easily tradeable. . . . If people don't have money they will have stuff to trade.

[You need to see the South Florida Barter King. Do you need 500 B.O. sticks?]

Stock up on food too, basic food, that stores for a long time. A bag of dried beans goes a very long way. . . .

[And yummy peppers for DUmmie Preppers.]

Buy stock in DU. . . .

[Hee! Hee!]

Buy gold. . . .

[COMEDY gold, from the DUmmie FUnnies!]

and stock in Koch Industries.

[In Koch we stock.]

My husband says he will move us to England. . . .

[Thus improving the intelligence of both countries.]

Stay Drunk.

[Is that you, Will Pitt?]

I'd order a large The Works pizza, a Greek salad, and a bottle of Chianti from my local shop to be delivered.

[The aptly named DUmmie slackmaster tells us his plan. Sounds good, slackmaster. Can we come over and join you, if you promise not to talk?]

I'm going to see if I can get a copyright on "sh*t", "god d*mmit", "yougottabesh*ttinme" and "WTF".

[DUmmie russspeakeasy, if you had a nickel for every time those words are used in DUmmieland, you'd be a rich man. And then we'd have to tax you . . . or eat you . . . or something.]

Open a granny panty factory in China. Hooray for me!!!

[Hunanny Pants®. Brilliant!]

the same way we've had to respond to 2001-08 and 2009-12/16: Occupy

[That's worked great, hasn't it? Get Ted and Misty and Thistle on the phone and tell them to start writing poems. I'll get a drum circle going.]

I sincerely hope it doesn't come to that. I'll be voting to re-elect the Pres.

Me, too.

[There's TWO! Hey, it's a start.]

Stock up on caffeine, beer, and anything else the Mormon in Chief might outlaw. The Fun Police might be going crazy, rapping people on their knuckles with rulers if he steals this election.

[You mean Michelle "Eat your peas!" Obama might be staying on as head of the Fun Police?]

The Fun Police are too busy in New York fretting over how much soda we drink.

[DUmmie Bellerophon with the comeback in a Bloomberg Minute! DUmmie Bellerophon, you win today's Kewpie Doll for recognizing who the real Nanny Staters are. Although, with only 27 posts . . . you could be . . . Naah!]

Finalize my theory on string theory and time travel. Then step into the quantum accelerator...and vanish.

[Sounds like a plan!]

Build a nuclear bunker. . . .

[Contact Nadin Brzezinski for how to avoid another Fukushima.]

December 21, 2012. If Romney wins hopefully that will be the last day of the world. But, then again, who knows, Romney winning may be what the Mayans meant by end of the world.

[December 21, 2012, a date which will live in-- Well, no, I guess that would be it. OK then.]


Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

An amazing display of a collective group power-slamming their heads up their ass.

Troglaman the Guttersnipe must be proud.

8:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"wish I could leave the country"
If we take up a collection, do you promise to leave? How about North Korea? That ought to fit your DUmbass philosophy.
"Stock up on abortions" How about some post-partum abortions? Starting with you and members of Sierra Club, Earth First, WWF, and the rest of the AGW hoaxters who wish to kill off most of the human population.
"So I guess I'll be certain to use contraceptiv...d'oh!" Your mother said the very same thing, but she forgot, and here you are!

10:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Now the Repukes don't care anymore about PC or doing what's right ..." The half-wit DUmbass is half right: we're getting damned tired of the PC bs.
"They would undo all the good Obama done immediately" And, what good, exactly, would that be?
"And they would make sure no Democrat ever gets a chance to be on the ballot" And you say that like it would be a bad thing!
"Open a granny panty factory in China. Hooray for me!" Capitalist Freeper Troll!!!!

10:30 PM  
Anonymous krazy kat said...

If nothing else, I'd like to see Romney win in November just to read the hysterical reactions of the DU drama queens as Mitt and his Mormon army swarms out of Utah to purge the country of alcohol, tobacco, coffee, colored people and progressives.

That's right DUmmies, you can run but you can't hide, better be sure your passports are current.

Could Romeny be the fulfillment of Mayan prophecy? We'll see on December 21, 2012, DUmmie apocalypse day.

Personally, I'm going to buy a lot of popcorn and enjoy the show.

1:21 PM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

krazy kat said...

If nothing else, I'd like to see Romney win in November just to read the hysterical reactions of the DU drama queens as Mitt and his Mormon army swarms out of Utah to purge the country of alcohol, tobacco, coffee, colored people and progressives.

Thanks for the laugh, good way to start the day. And will be fun to watch the Troglaman Clones/Moonbats lose what little minds they have left after Election Day.

1:51 PM  
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3:37 PM  
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2:46 PM  

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