Monday, June 11, 2007

"What would you do if you discovered your dog was racist?"

Sometimes when wandering thru the many DUmmieland threads I come upon a pure comedy nugget that I know will become an INSTANT classic just from its title alone. Such was the case with this DUmmie THREAD hilariously titled, "What would you do if you discovered your dog was racist?" The FUnniest thing is that both the original post and many of the replies are dead serious. So let us now enjoy the comedic entertainment of DUmmies worried about their racist dogs in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, suspecting that a cat he once owned of also being a racist, is in the [brackets]:

What would you do if you discovered your dog was racist?

[Teach him to be more tolerant of French Poodles.]

Say you got a new dog from the kennel, spent several months bonding with it, only to discover he only liked you because you were white? (or whatever)

[The Burch Terrier will bite you on the butt if he thinks you're Greek.]

Would you take the time and effort to re-program whatever conditioning his Nazi ex-owner ingrained in him, or would you chuck the bigoted bowser out on his tailfeathers?

[Have the ACLU put the racist dog to sleep.]

Just wondering.

[Just wondering where DUmmie Merrick gets these bizarre thoughts from. And now to hear from the other DUmmies pondering on the all important topic of racist dogs.]

Expose him to the race he fears.

[So would a racist dog who doesn't like Indians bark: "Bow-wow! Pow-wow?]

I did have that problem with a dog at one time. So I invited my black friends over frequently, to let the dog know that there was nothing to fear or be defensive about.

[Unfortunately your black friends learned to fear your NUttiness.]

The father of one of my students was amazing, too. When he first came to the door, and the dog barked at him, he didn't do anything but give her this LOOK. She put her tail between her legs, then she lied down and rolled onto her back, totally submissive. I can't explain what happened...It truly was phenomenal.

[It's all part of the Barbara Woodhouse canine tolerance training with the chain.]

I had one that was racist. I got him when a black lady, his former owner, sold him to me, but he seemed to really really hate black children. He didn't react toward adults of any color or white children at all, but he seemed to really hate black children, especially young black boys.

[I'm already picturing Al Sharpton yelling on the bullhorn outside your doghouse.]

It went away over his lifetime though. I had enough different types of friends over some with children, some without, all different races. He eventually played with black children, but he grew a strong distaste for country music as a pup and that never went away. He would growl and grumble anytime any country music was played on television. I did to. It was a running family joke with country music. "Like like Benson." Good dog.

[My dog would foam at the mouth whenever she heard Judy Garland music. The dog must have suffered from homophobia.]

the trick is to not freak out. If you freak out(get nervous, start to pull them away, or hold on to their leash tighter) everytime they act aggressive towards someone of a particular race, it will reinforce the behavior. Most of these "racist" dogs weren't actively trained to be racist, they're just not used to interacting with people who look a certain way. It usually goes away with exposure.

[So we should walk our dogs in the 'hood to get rid of those racist tendencies?]

For example, my old boss's dog was notoriously racist, but when he was off leash and just hanging out in the office, he came over to sleep by my feet. A large part of his "racist" behavior, was really just his response to the tension people had when walking him, because they were told he was racist and had to be kept away from certain people. Whatever fear of new people he'd had when he was first adopted had gone away, but nobody had noticed.

[Pet stores need to sell this sign: "WARNING! RACIST DOG!!!"]

Diversity training for dogs? could be a business idea.

[Your Golden Retriever must learn to tolerate Black Labs. Diversity training.]

Wow, I had no idea that some dogs are racist. Our dog doesn't seem to discriminate against people on the basis of race or ethnicity, but some people he likes right away and others he never likes. We're not sure why he likes some people and not others, because we haven't found a common thread amongst them.

[The common thread is that your dog doesn't descriminate based on ethnicity but has instead learned to hate Lutherans. Religious bigotry is the common thread there.]

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I had one that was racist. I got him when a black lady, his former owner, sold him to me, but he seemed to really really hate black children."

How dare the black "Nazi ex-owner" raise such a racist animal! What is this world coming too!

Hay, DUmmies, did it ever occur to you that dogs normally are territorial and usually don't like ANY stranger and the reason that most reacted aggressively towards others, like children, is because the animal was abused by someone similar and the dog is afraid? Or is that too much for you to comprehend? Why look for Human attitudes in any animal to begin with? They are ANIMALS, not "little people," and have very little reasoning ability (like most DUmmies I guess). Do you REALLY think a dog can be racist? Get real, people!

BTW, why is it racist behavior when directed at a black person or another minority but not when directed at a white person?

8:40 AM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

Come on, PJ, fess up... You posted this over there, didn't you! LOL... Racist dogs? Everyone knows it's the cats who are the Archie Bunkers of the pet world.

9:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to disagree with you Ray. I had a large Akita that didnt like Blacks. This was due to one of our neighbors acting suspiciously around him - he was afraid of dogs. His kids would bother the dog by tossing sticks and small stones at him from their yard.

This lasted a few months until they moved out, but the dog's dislike of Blacks lasted a few years

9:27 AM  
Blogger Mark said...

Anon, it's called conditioned reflex. The animal doesn't have the same level of reasoniong that humans have, therefore, if black children tormented the dog, the dog will identify all black people with torment. It's like Pavlov's dog.

9:46 AM  
Blogger Nate Winchester said...

PJ, how can you NOT bring up this topic and NEVER make reference to King of the Hill?

I hope you apologize. ;-)

10:27 AM  
Blogger Nate Winchester said...

Most of these "racist" dogs weren't actively trained to be racist, they're just not used to interacting with people who look a certain way. It usually goes away with exposure.

Don't any of these people know or realize that dogs are colorblind? I don't mean "metaphorically" i mean they are LITTERALLY colorblind. (in fact, it's an aberation of the animal world that humans can see color) If these people are trying to claim that a dog is racist, are they ipso facto implying that race is more than skin deep? (such as... smell?)

10:58 AM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

Nah, dogs are just red/green colorblind (less cones, more rods)... They can make out black and white just fine... But to say they have "racist" attitudes is absurd. As mentioned above, they can be conditioned by events and behavior. If a DUmmie repeatedly aggravates my labrador, it makes it more likely my labrador will snarl when the scent of Patroulli oil and Birkenstock is in the air.

12:01 PM  
Blogger Nate Winchester said...

Well I know dogs can make out some black and white. But still does that mean that the dog will attack ANY african-american (say... obama) or just people with a certain skin hue? Could they react to a really tanned white guy yet be docile to a light-skinned brother? Would these "racist" dogs also react to darker skinned middle-eastern folks or asians and south americans?

Sorry for bungling my point, but it was essentially, they do not hate a RACE but a skin tone or shade.

12:14 PM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

Nate, that is EXACTLY it, I believe... But in DUmmieland, I'm sure that observation makes us racist. ;)

2:06 PM  
Blogger Nate Winchester said...

Godfather's son,

As a computer programmer, I can't help but make the joke: "I don't hate black people. I hate 000000 people."

(you have to know your hexadecimal and color codes to get that one)

3:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"As a computer programmer, I can't help but make the joke: "I don't hate black people. I hate 000000 people."

LOL Good one!

"Well I know dogs can make out some black and white"

Grayscale? (sorry, couldn't resist)

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a Hamster that has it out for Gerbils. Does that count??


12:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Golden Retrievers, bred for Whitelandia, are ALL racists.

Im weeping uncontrollably watching the Kangaroo Court persecuting avenging angel Nifong. If you even speak out against racism you will be destroyed in Halliburton's AmeriKKKa!

8:43 AM  

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