Monday, April 03, 2006

DUmmie FUnnies 04-03-06 (Another DUmmie "Conversion" Story)

It really sucks to be a DUmmie. Year after year of enduring the EVIL Bush Regime and NOTHING goes their way. Every election year since 2000 racks up bigger and bigger losses for the DUmmiecrats and YET they still hold out hope in the form of their many "conversion" stories. These "conversion" stories take the form of apocrypal anecdotes about a "rightwing" friend or relative who sees the light and becomes a DUmmiecrat. Usually these stories of extremely dubious veracity follow a similar form such as "My Repuke uncle has seen the light and now thinks that Bush is scum of the earth..." With all these "conversions" posted in DUmmieland, you would think there has been some massive electoral shift in the direction of the DUmmiecrats but in reality their folks have been losing more and more at the polls. However, these "conversion" stories do serve the effect of making the DUmmies BEEEEELEEEEVE that things are breaking their way. And then when they lose at the ballot box their next move is to scream ELECTION FRAUD! This DUmmie THREAD titled, "How sweet it is.... another die-hard conservative abandons Bush," has as little relation to reality as the MANY other DUmmie conversion threads. The SOLE purpose of this and other similar threads is to make the DUmmies feel that electoral momentum is swinging their way. Such self-reinforcing DUmmie conversion threads are much like the Ouija Polls leading into elections such as the Ouija Polls taken just prior to the 1994 Congressional elections that assured the liberals that the election is breaking in favor of the Democrats due to the fact that the Republicans peaked too early. So let us now watch the DUmmies make Feel-Good with another conversion thread in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that a right-winger at a truck stop outside Kalamazoo grumbled slightly when he saw Bush's name in a newsaper, is in the [brackets]:

How sweet it is.... another die-hard conservative abandons Bush.

[Oooooooh! I'm soooooo impressed. I well remember the massive conversions to DUmmie GroupThink just prior to the 2002 and 2004 elections.]

Long story, but through no fault of her own, my mom ended-up making friends with this super-wealthy American family who are related to the Bushes.

[This is the part of the conversion story known as the set-up to establish the fact that the DUmmie has some personal connection to the convertees. Continue...]

These people are life-long Republicans, from a long line of conservatives who can trace their ancestry to the Mayflower.

[And this part of the anecdote is the section knows as "establishing the bonafides" in which we are assured that the convertee in question is indeed a true blue Republican. Continue...

The last generation's patriarch was already insanely rich, but managed to become even more wealthy by being one of the few New York State bankers to survive the Great Depression, and finance other ventures. The result is a family fortune which is in the eight, maybe nine, figure region.

[Or...or maybe even in the 10 figure Warren Buffet region. Continue...]

Anyway... my mom was in touch with her old friends, and one of their grandsons is getting married this summer. As he's Bab's grand-nephew, the wedding is being held at the White House.

[A White House wedding is being held for a grand-nephew of Bush's mother? This will be followed by another White House wedding for the son of the second cousin of Bush's uncle. Continue...]

Which, apparently, doesn't sit well with the current family patriarch. Having been a fanatical Nixon, Reagan and Bush I supporter/fundraiser, as well as a Bush/Cheney voter (both times) you'd think he'd be excited about a big wingding at the WH on the taxpayers' dime. Imagine, if you will, a 78 year old widower resembling an LLBean catalogue model, with a few more age-spots and hairs on his nose. New England accent, Mr. Howell's affectations, etc, etc, etc. Are you imaginging a blue cable-knit sweater hanging over his shoulders, and a pair of leather Top-Siders? Bingo. That's what this chap, this life-long, idle-rich, waspy blue-blood is like. Pretty much the poster boy for elitist, old-monied, ivy-league US Conservative interests.

[Description of a type of person who long ago ceased to exist. Nowadays a rich Waspy New Englander is likely to be a loony DUmmiecrat. However, the DUmmies still think this obsolete stereotype of a typical Republican still exists. Continue...]

But, no. He loathes Bush II.

[HALLELUJAH!!! He has SEEEEEEEEEEN the light!!!]

When my mom asked him to elaborate, he apparently went-off on a huge tirade about how he thinks that GWB is certifiably insane, how he allows critical policy issues to be decided by his (and I quote) "invisible playmates in the sky", how he's a complete moron, and how he's dangerous enough to cause WWIII and love it.

[I didn't know DUmmie benburch was a rich Waspy New England Republican.]

But he continued (I'm going to paraphrase because I wasn't there, but this is what my mom related to me in a very long email)... "Conservativism is supposed to be about encouraging the free market, and allowing the resulting increased profits to the corporate sector filter down to the public, and to the economy in general. But it's also about these corporations running as lean as possible and competing with each other for the revenue that's out there. Bush and his cronies are as far from economic conservativism as you can get; they grant sweetheard deals to their friends, who in-turn hoarde the revenue without re-investing it in a tangable way in the economy. They exclude other corporate entities from government contracts, and award them to Haliburton, Carlisle, and dozens more the public hasn't even heard of. They run the economy more like Stalin would, if he ran a 'free market' economy. There's no fair competion in Bush's America; it's all about the power elite (quoting Chomsky!!) becoming more powerful at the expense of national interests. And if it's not enough that he's sold the nation to his golfing buddies, he's breaking the law to keep regular Americans from exposing the truth. It's as if a junta has taken over DC."

[And paraphrasing Ty the Bouncer: "That long quote is WORD FOR WORD exactly what was said." But WAIT, there's MORE! (paraphrasing Ron Popeil.)]

"But for the first time in my life, I'm not voting Republican this year. I have made it a point to see who among the Republican Party is still alligned with Bush after this NSA thing, and the mess in Iraq, and those people are cut off. Not a dime from me or my family. Ever again. I've been talking to my friends, and they seem polarised on the issue, bus it seems that anyone in my social circle who isn't completely demented has become really disillusioned with Bush. And, I'll admit that many of them are disillusioned because of their own self-interest, but the bottom line is that it's commonly believed that the man is quite likely the worst President in American History! I'd rather have a Labrador Retriever as President; then you could at least count on him to bring your ducks in. And I swear to god, if he's actually at the White House for ********'s wedding, I'm going to walk right out, and take my family with me."

[LOOOONG elaborate Hate Bush rants placed in quotation marks to indicate exact WORD FOR WORD recital of what was supposedly said by the convertee. Another distinguishing mark of the many DUmmie "Conversion" threads.]

Like I said, "how sweet it is".

[KEEP HOPE ALIVE!!! And now to hear from the rest of the DUmmie Amen corner...]

Wow, wow, wow! Pigs are definitely flying! Thanks for sharing this. Brought a smile to my face.

[Wow, wow, wow! Thanks for sharing this fantastical fairy tale. Maybe there isn't a bit of truth to this conversion story but at least it makes me FEEL GOOD.]

My rich GOP lady friend won't vote GOP again.
She acknowledges she's made out like a bandit under W, but also acknowledges America's poor has been given the shaft by W. She's worrying about her own way into heaven. She's finally waking up.

[My EVIL rich GOP bank teller won't vote GOP again. She acknowledges that she has helped to exploit the poor and downtrodden but she is worried about fate of her eternal soul. She got down on her knees and asked for forgiveness by promising to vote only for DUmmiecrats from now on. HALLELUJAH! She's finally waking up.]

Excellent, one vote with a big pocket book could do
wonders in '06 and '08. This gives me hope. Though I wonder how his son and grandson feel. They seem to be more the "me, me, me" generation age that supports bush.

[Evil Rich Republicans! Grumble! Grumble! They need to SEEEEEEEE the light and undergo a DUmmie conversion.]

Yeah, well... he and his wife had six daughters, and five of those six are still rabid GOPers. They're not the relgious wingnut types, but they're the preppy blue-blood, gated-community, Volvo wagon, I've got mine so f*ck you kind of Cons. And all the daughters' kids are completely institutionalised in the Conservative system, from boarding school to prep school to Harvard/Yale and beyond. The one getting married is the oldest, and he's only 24. So they really don't know any other point of view, and I bet, (hopefully) without revealing the family identity, one of these grandkids will eventually get a GOP nomination for the Top Slot. That's how connected this family is.

[Yeah, well... It's going to be really tough to figure out the identity of this family. I mean there must be LOADS of families with a grand-nephew of "Babs" who are getting married in the White House this summer. Could you at least give us a break and provide some more clues so we could narrow it down a bit more?]

Great story! Let's hope he talks to all of his friends and they listen!

[Great story! Now tell us about Goldilocks and the Three Bears.]

Thanks for relaying that conversation! I'm going to bed feeling happy.

[Please tell us some more FEEL GOOD stories. They don't have to be true. They just need to make us FEEL GOOD.]

Thank you for sharing this. It's a viewpoint we'd never get otherwise. If the blue-blooded Mayflower elite is that disgusted with Shrub, he's really in big trouble!

[YUP! You've got the next election in the bag! (Just like the 2002 and 2004 elections.)]

What's the wedding dress look like? I mean ASSHOLE you voted for W TWICE! Sounds like someone isn't getting his slice of the pie that he's been so used to...the disgusting sick bastard!!! As he and his cronies that he's supported all his life, f*cked over the American workers and the middle class!!!
Now your telling us all this shit about Bush that we've all known from jump!!!
And that goes for your other lying, criminal, greedy, deregulation happy assholes...Nixon, Reagan & pappy Bush --- I despise ALL republicans and their sick, heartless, greedy ideology!!! Including you ASSHOLE...That's what I would say to the heartless prick!!!!!

[SNIFF! Apparently not all the DUmmies accept the convertees, whether real of fictional (mostly the latter), with open arms.]

He came to realize all this AFTER November 2, 2004...???

[GASP! You DARE to cast aspersions upon the veracity of this "conversion" story?]

I just love these Flying Pig stories!

[I just love these Flying Pig fairy tales!]

I hope "Thurston Howell" persuades his entire social class to revolt against the junta; because he's finally figured out what we at DU saw after the "selection" -- that we had a coup d'etat here, and all else has followed from that. I also hope there won't be repercussions from your having posted so extensively. We DUers obviously won't be able to figure out who he is from your post, but some connected lurker might.

[Correct! DUmmies probably won't be able to figure out who this person is from your post since it would take an incredible genius to narrow down this convertee's family to someone who is a nephew of "Bab's" that is a getting married in the White House this summer. Figuring out the identity of this family would be like finding a needle in a haystack.]


Blogger RightWingRocker said...

How sweet it is.... another die-hard conservative abandons Bush.

This is hilarious. As if there were any die-hard conservatives who were ever really that much in the Bush camp to begin with.


1:53 PM  
Blogger RightWingRocker said...

These people are life-long Republicans, from a long line of conservatives who can trace their ancestry to the Mayflower.

OMG ... I had a loony leftist on my blog about a year ago who made this claim:

As a side note, perhaps you are interested that some ancestors on my Mom's side of the family came over on the 2nd boat. Not the Mayflower, but the next one, I think. We are related to William Bradford, the preacher on the second boat. Google his name, there should be something about him. Around 1640, a couple of my ancestors (mother and small child) were captured by Indians in Massachusetts - all women and children. The Indians built a fire and were going to burn them alive, but were interrupted when the men came back, so goes the story anyway.

The post he was commenting was about the pilgrims on the Mayflower. What made me laugh is that he claimed to be related to some "preacher on the second boat" whose name was "William Bradford". There's not going to be much of note about anyone at Plymouth Colony by that name, other than the governor who was so influential.

Funny how they all seem to be related to those who have been here since the beginning ...


2:01 PM  

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