Monday, May 16, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 05-16-05 ("Anyone have an update on Andy?")

Forget Reality TV. Reality SCANDAL is MUCH MORE interesting as we have learned with the unfolding scandal in real time of Andy Stephenson scamming the feeble-minded gullible DUmmies of at least $50,000. As we have learned there are elements of genius in Andy’s scam. For example, without actually saying he has cancer of the pancreas, he has allowed his cheerleading shills led by Pied Piper Pitt come out and flatly claim that Andy has pancreatic cancer. In fact, Andy has AT WORST pancreatis which means there was NO NEED for him to go to Johns Hopkins hospital for an UNNECESSARY Whipple procedure for pancreatic cancer since he does NOT have pancreatic cancer. Of course, once Andy is diagnosed, he will “miraculously” be declared to be cancer free. And the $50,000+ he scammed for the PANCREATIC CANCER operation? In Andy’s scheme, DUmmieland (and their leftwing cohorts) will be so OVERJOYED by his “miraculous” recovery that they will not stoop so low as to actually inquire as to, um, what happened to their funds. Yes, Andy’s scam scheme is almost flawless. I say “almost” because poor Andy made a few grievous errors. Most importantly he didn’t really take the DUmmie FUnnies into account. Here, with the aid of HUNDREDS of Freepers, this scandal is being followed VERY CLOSELY. It is publicity that Andy does not want. And with this UNWANTED publicity comes the attention of Johns Hopkins. Somehow I think they are NOT AMUSED at being called “bloodsuckers” by Andy. Also they are less than happy that some scam operation is taking place by invoking their good name. So the next time you go to Johns Hopkins, Andy, will you merely go through some medical tests there or will you find your wrists bound by a pair of handcuffs? And these aren’t the S&M bar type handcuffs, Andy. These are the type of handcuffs where the authorities expect you to do a frogwalk to the open door of a police car. So let us now look at the blissful gullibility of the DUmmies as they inquire in this THREAD titled, “Anyone have an update on Andy?” As usual the gullible DUmmie postings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering when Andy will beg his fellow DUmmies to PayPal him funds for the VERY BEST legal defense available, is in the [brackets]:

Anyone have an update on Andy?

[Still successfully bilking the incredibly gullible DUmmies, thank you.]

I assume he had his surgery but how is he doing?

[You assume WRONG. He NEVER had the surgery. Even though we are told by the likes of Pied Piper Pitt that Andy has pancreatic cancer, we are now expected to believe the Johns Hopkins docs have postponed his “emergency” surgery to May 26. Meanwhile Andy is enjoying his nights out on the town in Baltimore with whomever happens to be his Boy Toy of the week.]

I don't think he has had his surgery ..he said that they were going to schedule it within the next week or so (by the end of the month).
He has had fairly extensive testing done. I had heard that it was good news.

[Expect Andy to announce that he has been “miraculously” cured and has NO pancreatic cancer in the next few weeks. And that $50,000+ that you sent him for the Whipple procedure to be done at Johns Hopkins? Don’t be holding your breath for a refund. Andy will be spending it, as planned, on lots of R&R.]

He's back on the schedule to have the surgery on the 26th. I guess they told him that sometimes spots open up because the patient might not be able to be operated on for one reason or another, and if that happens they'll let him know. So there's a chance he could have the surgery sooner.

[Whether its sooner or later, there will be NO pancreatic cancer surgery for Andy for the simple reason (as he ALREADY knows) that he has NO cancer of the pancreas. Therefore no need for the Whipple procedure. And don’t expect your 50k+ back. If anything, Andy will be whining for EVEN MORE money.]

he's kinda tired but in much better spirits than earlier this week.....and still a little pissed that he didn't eat for 30 hours for nothing! he was making up for it last night, poor dear.

[The “poor dear” just happens to be the FATTEST pancreatic cancer patient in history. Take a look at any recent photo of Andy. Chubby and cherubic. Supposedly 3 months of having cancer eating away at his pancreas and Andy still maintains his jelly belly.]

I presume you've seen him then? Glad to hear that the prognosis may be better than he had originally thought

[Surpise! Surprise! And your surprise will be even greater when Andy announces that he doesn’t have pancreatic cancer.]

I'm going to ask the "pregnant question" here: What happened to the money? Does Andy have it? Does JH have it? Is it in an interest-bearing account somewhere waiting for the surgery to happen? Or what?

[We do know that Andy posted last Wednesday that he wrote a hot check to Johns Hopkins. Within minutes of that posting, Andy realized his error and self-deleted his own post. But TOO LATE. A VICIOUS RIGHTWING Freeper caught it in a screen save and we now have Andy’s self-deleted post on record.]

Scores of people wish Andy well....but, in light of all that's transpired, inquiring minds (and there's a LOT of them here on DU) want to know - and, frankly, we DESERVE to know.

[Hmm… Some healthy skepticism here… LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

oh please...If there was a problem, we'd hear.

[Not in DUmmieland. Not only will Skinner delete any posts about Andy problems he will also tombstone the culprit.]

Scandal??? you might want to put on your flame retardant suit. 5...4...3...2...1...

[Thank you for that warning, Andy. You know your DUmmies well. Blatantly scam them and then allow your marks to angrily flame the few over there who can see through your obvious con.]

If you're feeling uncertain about the fundraiser, by all means, ask any questions you wish.

[Why did Andy delete his own post last Wednesday about passing a hot check to Johns Hopkins?[

JH Has the money...The surgery is paid for...just awaiting my date with the knife. I might add if you had been here just a couple of days ago...all doubt was dispelled in regards to my condition.

[We saw those two cashiers checks for a total of $32,000 that you posted Andy. Trouble is that the issuing institution, Verity Credit Union claims that they have not cleared yet. Could the failure to deposit those checks either be that Johns Hopkins is too lazy to do so or….maybe you just didn’t give them the cashiers checks? Hmmm?]

Hi Andy honey....How are ya feeling?

[Like a million bucks…or at least like 50,000 bucks.]

Well right now I am sitting down in my friends house resting my weary body.

[While getting acupunctured in the south end.]

Glad to hear you're taking it easy, as you should. Rest up, pamper yourself. Read a good book, watch some good movies…

[…Take a Caribbean vacation with a $50,000 bankroll…]

Andy, do not aggravate yourself -- rest and gain your strength for arduous surgery.

[We already know the “arduous” surgery will NOT involve the Whipple procedure. The docs will NOT find any cancer. A lightbulb, perhaps, or a stray gerbil or two but definitely NOT cancer.]

pancreatic cancer can take various forms and varies from patient to patient.

[We already know that Andy’s pancreatic cancer is of the NONEXISTENT variety.]


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1:28 PM  

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