Tuesday, April 12, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 04-12-05 ("Republicans....Like a weird ant farm")

Yeah. Yeah. I know. As soon as you looked at the title of this DUmmie THREAD, “Republicans....Like a weird ant farm,” your immediate thought was that the DUmmies ripped off MY concept of them as my personal ant farm. After all, I have frequently mentioned that point for MONTHS now. Therefore I give the DUmmies a grade of U for Unoriginality. However, since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I thank the DUmmies in MY ant farm for the unintended compliment. Actually as far as ripoffs, my big fear is that some conservative will rip off my whole DUmmie FUnnies idea. And don’t think that just because a person is a conservative that they can’t be a scumbag. Unfortunately there are a lot of loathsome conservatives around more than willing to screw someone. A good example is Robert Novak whose conservativism is unfortunately matched by a loathsome personality. Another such loathsome personality is his former colleague on CNN’s Crossfire, the bowtied Osborne Chatsworth, Jr. aka Shmucker Carlson. I have no doubt the smarmy-voiced Carlson, after flopping at his upcoming MSNBC show, would have NO compunctions about STEALING my whole DUmmie FUnnies concept. Since he has a “name,” he would have access to Mary Matalin. It wouldn’t surprise me a bit if he pitched her on a DUmmie Crummies book (with CD-ROM insert for the related comix stories) where he takes the rantings of the DUmmies and makes comments on them ala MST3K. Mary would then gush about what a “BRILLIANT” idea that is and immediately sign Carlson to a book contract with a humongous advance. Hey Mary! Check your e-mail! The ORIGINAL DUmmie FUnnies pitch is in there. I don’t have a “name” (yet) but that whole DUFU idea is MINE MINE MINE!!! Well, sorry for going off on a bit of a tangent but my BIG FEAR is getting ripped off on my DUmmie FUnnies idea by an unscrupulous conservative such as Chatsworth Osborne, Jr.. Okay, now that I got my personal rant off my chest, let us now look at the copycat DUmmie rants in Bolshevik Red with the commentary of your humble correspondent, ever on guard against the plagiarists, in the [brackets]:

Republicans....Like a weird ant farm.

[So sayeth one of my copycat DUmmie ants. Gee. How long has the concept about the DUmmie ants been discussed here in the DUFUs? Three months? No, more like four or five months. What’s next? Will they talk about the Republican ant farm circular mill? Continue on my very UNORIGINAL DUmmie ant...]

I got to thinking today...about the similarity between one of those plastic ant farms and most any Republican-led activity. I know Bush frequently mentions the "hard work" part, but what gets my attention is their constant movement and the way they all seem to pile up at the same location. It wouldn`t bug me if I could chock it up to some natural instinct, but that`s not the case. It`s as though a mad scientist has intervened in the regular order of things and fitted Republicans with a homing device hell-bent on finding the nearest handy photo op.

[At least the Republican ants are worker ants with some purposes and goals, DUmmie democrank. Very unlike you DUmmie ants who move in a circular mill to no useful purpose whatever. Even when the DUmmie ants come up with an interesting idea, it is a ripoff such as your whole idea about Republican ants.]

Republicans just form a line when Karl pushes the "Get Active" button and dutifully carry salt for Democratic wounds or sugar to sweeten up their party`s latest policy disaster. Sometimes they carry tons of sand to cover up things that shouldn`t be exposed to daylight: outing of the CIA agent, Tom DeLay, torture scandals, self-regulating polluters, no WMDs, Bush`s military records. They`re all carrying something. Just when I think Republican "X" can`t possibly go along with policy "Y"...the line forms again and everyone`s present and accounted for. It`s like staring at an opened box of toothpicks. All lined up, all looking the same.

[I’m pushing the “get active” button on my personal DUmmie Ant Farm and ordering them to entertain us by doing blatant acts of plagiarism. Now listen up, DUmmie Ants! Do a REVERSE circular mill with a Bolshevik backstep. All together now!]

It`s the motley crew in us Democrats that makes me realize that winning at all cost isn`t the most important thing.

[DUmmie Ants much prefer to LOSE at all costs. Oh, and don’t forget to nominate Hillary in ’08. We don’t want to lose that losing streak.]

But winning is the only safety. Right now we're not winning. Worse, I feel we're about to lose.

[All your Diebold machines belong to US! It makes it fun to watch the frenzied activity of my DUmmie Ants after they lose their elections.]

Are you kidding? Things are going great! The GOP is being exposed big time. I feel better than I have for a long time.

[As good as you felt on the afternoon of Election Day when the exit polls showed Kerry winning big?]

excellent analogy motley crew with integrity

[Yeah, you motley crew of DUmmie ants have so much integrity that it doesn’t bother you a bit to steal the Ant Farm concept. But don’t worry. I won’t destroy my DUmmie Ant Farm in retaliation. It is just too much FUN to watch you. However, woe unto any conservative who tries to steal the DUmmie FUnnies concept, especially if that conservative happens to wear a bow tie and has a smarmy smile.]

great point, excellent metaphor. thank you.

[You're welcome. Since I was the TRUE creator of the Ant Farm metaphor you must be thanking ME, not DUmmie copycat, democrank.]

the republican herders and their corporate masters are doing pretty well with the drones right now because of two issues: jesus and penis. the jesus issue is pretty self explanatory. waiting for the "sky taxi" - nuff said. the penis issue is the interesting part: the need to consume, the need to own the biggest SUV in the neighborhood, more, more, more, me, me, me, and more me. "we're america, let's do whatever we want" so, how do we shake up the ant farm? that is the question.

[I usually don’t have to shake up my DUmmie Ant Farm to get loads of entertainment. The DUmmie Ants provide me that in their natural state such as your absurd post. Now go and consume your penis.]

We need either a magnifying glass (and direct sunlight) or some uncooked dry grits. Either one would be fantasitic at this point. If we roast them alive, it'll be fun to watch them skirmish through the laser ridden maze. If we feed them the uncooked grits and just sit back, we can wait until they hit the trough again and explode. Either option would please me greatly. And I would think someone was cruel if they used the magnifying glass on real ants. Repugs though, they are a different animal altogether. Think of them as the warrior ants from the planet F*ckus. If we don't find a way to exterminate them soon, they'll continue to fuck us until we can never recover.

[Thus spaketh an entertaining DUmmie Ant from the planet Dufus.]

That anlalogy is brilliant. I'm a both laughing hysterically and agreeing emphatically with you.

[Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! As the ORIGINATOR of the Ant Farm “anlalogy,” I thank you for your compliment.]

There are some things Dems & others can do, know what to focus on, don't splinter over HOW to get things done, focus on your goals. Start thinking on a larger scale. Paved roads, food security, clean water, clean air, good paying jobs; the real challenge is getting people together who feel better off fighting only for their own interests. We need a leader who can connect diverse groups of people & make them both feel & be stronger. We also need milestones along the way, so people don't feel they've accomplished nothing & get burned out. Working on a dual scale, aiming for the long term goals while gaining other victories along the way.

[Yes! Yes! My DUmmie Ants! Continue moving ever FASTER in the circular mill! Keep this thread kicked! Hurry! Find the election fraud in Ohio! Send money to BBV Bev! Diebold! I BELIEVE! Check court records! Hurry! HURRY! Only 75 days since Inauguration Day! FASTER!]

so many cover-ups in the corners of the ant farm. Where's that geeky kid who's gonna poke the tunnels with a stick and make em start ALL over.....

[Right here. Only instead of poking the tunnels with a stick, I have gazed upon you DUmmie Ants with a magnifying glass which caught the sun’s ray causing you DUmmies to duck for cover.]


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