Friday, April 01, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 04-01-05 ("What insults do you use on Republican freepers?")

Times are tough for the DUmmies. Things are just not going right for them so they are now reduced to chortling over what insults to hurl at freepers as you can see in this THREAD titled, “What insults do you use on Republican freepers?” The primal scream of the DUmmies is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, measuring the DUmmie bile level, is in the [brackets]:

What insults do you use on Republican freepers?

[I like to jump up and down in frustration and just scream incoherently at them until I am Bolshevik Red in my face.]

None. I've stopped communicating with them about politics. It's not worth it.

[Been eating a bit too much Freeper Road Runner dust lately, eh?]

One, only one...Started ranting at me a while back. He was trying to pick my brain on websites. Get a free education. My patience crumbled. I told him that as far as repukes are concerned, I wouldn't piss up their ass if their guts were on fire. The look on his face. Priceless.

[He was shocked that someone could use such unoriginal material.]

We tend to iconoclastic and quite blunt here. One will find DU a daunting place without a sense of humor and a sense of irony.

[True. I have found DUmmieland to be without a sense of humor and a sense of irony.]

Freeper is bad enough, but freeptard is my all time favorite.

[I prefer the more accurate, “DUmmie.”]

I just hand them this. Here dear old freeper:

You befouled, vitiated poltroon. You blighted, malodorous, mephitic recreant. You are a festering boil on the ass of all humanity. You have all the backbone of a jellyfish. You moribific, feculent simpleton. Would that I could change my species, just so that I might not be associated with you. The stupendous, confounding magnitude of your insipidness astonishes me.

I cannot believe that anyone could muster such a prodigious, astounding level of stupidity. If you were any more asinine or incogitant, you would surely have been put to death long ago. Your vapidity has gone so far beyond any previous boundaries of puerility and nugacity as to banish any and all chances of an intelligent thought from your head. Even the most hardened of regulars unquestionably cannot believe your fatuousness and illogicality.

Your opinions do nothing but lend credence to the overwhelming fact that you are such a driveling simpleton that you cannot find your ass with both hands and a road map. You are the very pinnacle of insensateness. You are the model of banality and subnormality. I am aghast at your apparent ability to insert your own head into your own rectum at will.

There cannot be even a fragment of intellectuality or perspicacity to be found within the gaping void which should contain your brain. It amazes me that you are able to perform even the most facile of everyday functions with your exorbitantly disadvantaged and gormless lack of intellect.

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. Don't you know that you are pathetic? You worthless bag of filth. As they say in Texas, "I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel". You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you.

You are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprophagic cloacal parasitic pond scum, and I wish you would go away.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?

If you aren't an idiot, you made a world class effort at simulating one. Try to edit your writing of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.

And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one handed slack jawed drooling meatslapper.

On a good day you're a half wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock hard stupid. Dehydrated rock hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans stupid stupid. Meta stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid.

Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success.

True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self destructive, abusive, socially retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good.

Just a little "constructive criticism", I hope this helps...

[Just a little “constructive criticism, DUmmie Maestro, I hope this helps… Longevity is NOT the soul of wit.]


Blogger SomeGhol said...

Hello PJ! I love your DUmmie FUnnies. They are wildly funny. In fact I signed up for a blog account just so I could post this comment;)

Yes, I AM that guy...

I made the mistake of taking the time to sign on there to correct the logic of one of their wild posts about the public school system, and was quickly tombstoned even though I had been very polite. Some of the responses were amazingly vulger, but I can only assume that they are still posting.

Weird bunch of folks there.

Anyway, I thought you might be interested in this thread. They're actually argueing about whether or not it is okay to make fun of Pope John Paul as he approches the end of his time on earth. Increadable.

Sorry about the unformated url. I'm ignorent of most internet magic.

12:52 PM  

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