Thursday, March 10, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 03-10-05 ("Guess who has four tickets to hear King Chimpy tomorrow?")

DUmmie DISRUPTER ALERT! DUmmie DISRUPTER ALERT! Attention Kentucky Citizens! DUmmie Democrat 4 Ever has posted this THREAD yesterday, titled “Guess who has four (count'em 4!) tickets to hear King Chimpy tomorrow?” Since this thread was posted yesterday, this means he plans to DISRUPT a speech by our Glorious Emperor, Chimpus Khan, TODAY! Does anybody know of such a speech in Kentucky? Look for the clues in this thread and it shouldn’t be hard to find out who this self-confessed disrupter is. Remember, he is NOT going to the Bush speech to listen but to CAUSE TROUBLE. The disrupting threats Democrat 4 Ever and his/her/its fellow DUmmies are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, hoping this issue of the DUmmie FUnnies puts the Kentucky citizenry and authorities on ALERT, is in the [brackets]:

Guess who has four (count'em 4!) tickets to hear King Chimpy tomorrow? Took a shot, called one of the repug Senator of my state that is impersonating an elected official (McConnell), I just assumed that Bunning would just do whatever the Chimp and Butthead said so I didn't bother his office - and asked for four tickets to hear the Chimp try to preach the Social Security sell out tomorrow in Louisville. Well, beyond anything that is wise or reasonable his office just called and said they had four tickets waiting for me to pick up. I, honestly, never thought I'd get one ticket, much less four.

[Uh-Oh! Do we detect trouble on the horizon? If you guessed in the affirmative you would be correct as DUmmie Democrat 4 Ever himself confesses. Read on.]

So, a couple of things are pretty clear. 1 - They are having a hard time giving the damn things away. 2 - That their screening procedure is not fool proof and 3 - I have to decide exactly what I can and can not do tomorrow to let the a$$wipes know my displeasure. Any suggestions? I can't say I'm really anxious to get arrested but I am willing to take a shot to ask him a question.

[Don’t worry. After reading this edition of the DUFUs A LOT of people will be showing up at the speech to keep YOU from disrupting it. However, I do have to admit that their screening procedures are somewhat lax when a DUmmie like you easily gets 4 tickets to the speech.]

Oh, by the way - I've got three tickets if anyone is interested in going into Satan's kitchen tomorrow at 12 noon.

[DUmb move, DUmmie. Even though you “claim” you don’t want to get arrested, how do you know that you won’t be handing one of those tickets out to a potential Lee Harvey DUmmie?]

May I suggest a small "Stop Privitization" button?

[After looking at your spelling, may I suggest a LARGE “Edumicate Me” button?]

Wrap your "poster" around your body like a shirt....just in case you are searched....

[Hopefully this DUmmie will be strip-searched. Now bend over, DUmmie, because we want to check a certain cavity for hidden objects.]

yeah but when you pick up the tix you will have to sign a piece of paper swearing your undying allegiance and your first and second born human children to der Führer.

[If this DUmmie will be signing that he WON’T be a disrupter then he will be lying.]

Well, if they ask me to sign something before giving me the tickets. I will immediately leave their office and go one block over to the state's largest newspaper and tell them that I was not allowed to attend without signing a loyalty oath. Those guys need to get it through their heads they work for me, not the other way around. May not get anywhere, but who knows, maybe it will be a nice side story to all of the air and traffic tie-up stories due to the coming of the Chimp and his Buttboy.

[While you’re at it, send the newspaper a link your DUmmie Thread about your PLANNED disruption.]

That would almost be better than having to watch the moron do his schtick. If you do get in and you "boo," how many seconds do you think it will take before you hit the floor? Just wondering. We might start a pool on this. Put me down for 7 seconds.

[If the authorities are doing their job, how about 0 seconds since DUmmie Democrat 4 Ever and his/her/its 3 co-conspirators won’t be allowed to enter in the first place.]

I'd delete this post if I were you. Doesn't take much effort to figure out who you are through the will calls left for McConnell's office.

[DUh! Too late, DUmmie. It is already being featured in the DUmmie FUnnies plus I also copied the source code of this thread in case the authorities want to track down this DUmmie disrupter.]

I appreciate the advice. I have already given my name and phone number to Buttboy's office. I don't really care whether they know my name or not. I have never made a threat against Chimpy, have always obeyed all laws (well, I do have a bit of a heavy foot when driving), and if they want to pull my tickets because I gloated a bit on an Internet site they are welcome to them. I was planning on being at the protest tomorrow anyway, this was just going to give me the opportunity to be in on the inside hearing the lies first hand instead of outside with the smart people.

[Hey DUmmie! Even though you only intend to act like a complete JERK at the speech, what do you know about the REAL intentions of the 3 fellow DUmmies who you plan to hand the other tickets out to? DUh!]

What would happen if a bunch of protesters all vomited at a rally? I'd be fascinated to see what would happen in a tightly-packed enclosed space full of Republicans. I wonder if it would start a "chain-reaction" within the crowd. I'm not saying anyone should do this. I don't even know if it is legal. But it might be a bad idea to have a big sushi dinner before attending a Bush rally if you think you might get ill.

[No need to eat a sushi dinner, DUmmie IanDB1. Just the sight of your ugly mug is enough to make folks vomit.]

Eat a couple sacks of White Castles. They do nasty things while in my gastrointestinal tract. If they do the same while in yours, you'll stink out any size auditorium

[Attention Louisville Courier! I hope you are taking notes on the “friendly” intentions of these DUmmies at the Bush speech today.]

how could it be illegal? If you're sick, you're sick Your right though, it would be a hell of a way to protest. Imagine having an enitre group of people throwing up 10 minutes into his speach? They would have to think your're sick. Security would come over and assist you not arrest you. I can see it now, what a message it would send. I'm sure you can still buy syrup of Ipicac at the drug store I don't know how long it takes to work, but I know it will make you throw up.

[It’s ILLEGAL if you plan to barf on purpose…. Take notes, Louisville Courier.]

Stash a toothbrush in your bra for when they drag you out to the transport to Gitmo.

[And stuff Mao’s Little Red Book in your panties.]

Shout something to disrupt the pony show. You'll get to leave early too!

[Hopefully this DUmmie and his 3 co-conspirators will be leaving before they even have a chance to enter.]

Good luck...and don't look directly into his eyes. Primates and other lower-order animals see that as a challenge of their dominance.

[Tremble before the might of our Glorious Emperor, Chimpus Khan!]

Brief update. I got the tickets. Walked into Buttboy's Louisville office
told them my name and I was given the tickets. Was not asked to sign any type of an oath. The place was crawling with people groveling asking for tickets. One grand dame ahead of me kept saying over and over again to the wonk please tell me who I can call and thank for these tickets. I will NOT forget this favor. From my brief encounter there were plenty of tickets to go around.

[Hopefully FOUR of those tickets will be revoked, DUmmie Democrat 4 Ever. Continue with your public confession…]

After picking up the tickets I went to a local Democratic Club meeting and I was blown away...

[I could make a humorous comment here, DUmmie Democrat 4 Ever, but it would be much too easy. I think I’ll just listen to the hum of a harMonica. Continue…]

After the meeting I gave the tickets to the first three people at the meeting that said they would go and try to ask a question.

[Dumb move, DUmmie Democrat 4 Ever. You just gave the tickets away to 3 strangers. And now will be RESPONSIBLE for their misdeeds. DUmb DUmmie!]

Don't forget the cream pies - and hope your aim is true!

[And I hope the police Pepper Spray aim is true, DUmmie Seabiscuit.]


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