Sunday, January 16, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 01-16-05 ("How are you going to deal with Inauguration Week?")

This is crisis week for the DUmmies since NOT KERRY will be inaugurated this Thursday. Therefore it is interesting to read what the DUmmies intend to do in this THREAD titled, “How are you going to deal with Inauguration Week?” Anyway, I know for sure that the day AFTER the Inauguration the DUmmies will be posting threads on the impending impeachment of Bush despite the fact that both Houses of Congress are solidly Republican and the fact that they don’t have any grounds to impeach him on. But, fear not, political reality is not a DUmmie strong point and they can make up grounds for impeachment. As usual, the DUmmie grumblings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent is in the [brackets]:

How are you going to deal with Inauguration Week?

[I’m going to read the DUmmie FUnnies a lot for some GREAT laughs.]

Just curious how y'all are going to cope with the upcoming Coronation of King George 2.

[Please call him by his correct title: Our Glorious Emperor, Chimpus Khan.]

My own instinct is to unplug the TV and radio, buy no newspapers, keep the damn computer off and possibly find a cave in the woods to hide in until this week of phony patriotism and self-congratulating mandate-claiming, media-Bush-buttkissing, pundit puking, protest-ignoring, liberal-bashing, Democrat-insulting, "will the terrorists attack?" fear-mongering Pomp and Circumstance is over.

[My own instinct is to quit breathing, urinate a big river in my diaper, allow myself to be bitten by rattlesnakes, and refuse to surf all MILF websites for a whole week.]

But I know out of morbid curiousity, I'll tune in "just for a minute" and get sucked into it and then get so angry, frustrated and demoralized by all the spew that I'll wish I hadn't.

[The worst part will be seeing all those cheering Freepers.]

So I am trying to remind myself -- Willpower, lad. Use your willpower. Just Say No. What are your coping strategies?

[See the previous post about not breathing.]

I feel the need to wear black in mourning of democracy. Unfortunately I can't make it to DC to protest so I will do it in my own special way…

[…Sitting on a toilet seat in a very dark closet.]

Don't spend a Dime. Stay home from work. Shut the economy down

[Careful. Your Dime, withheld from the economy, could be enough to topple it.]

A good time to be really busy at work and go to the gym at night.

[Yes, a good gym workout of banging your head against the wall.]

I'll listen to my CDs instead of the radio, and watch TLC and Discovery.

[Crawl under my bed, put hands on ears, and yell: “NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH!!! NOT HAPPENING! CREATING MY OWN REALITY! NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH!!!”]

going to the video store and load up on DVDs and come back to live tele in about two weeks. Kinda like the election week and the one after. The old 'major diversion' routine.

[May I recommend Hot Slut Hookers and Debby Does Dallas XVI?.]

Wishing for America would come it its senses and call for BUSHCO's impeachment.

[Visualize your own impeachment reality.]

Prove that Bush got no mandate by absolutely wiping it from my mind.

[That’s sure to convince a lot of people.]

I booked a day-long continuing education workshop for January 20 so I wouldn't even be tempted to watch TV. I will take my lunch so I won't have to spend one damn dime that day. I will wear black for mourning, and will wear one of my buttons, probably the "I didn't vote for his daddy, either" one.

[That workshop on how to change your own diaper should be interesting.]

All Bush needs is a horse and then the picture will be complete. Caligula on his horse.

[And you’re assigned to clean up after the horse.]

Turn off your TV. Enjoy life, accept the things you can't change and make the most of the short time we have here on Earth with a human body.

[Isn’t that a prayer from the Hopi Elders?’

I'll be protesting in DC for a few days which means I'll have to purchase gas and some food (I'll pack a lot though) ... but I heard a really cool idea from a friend called "buy nothing day." I think there's a website about it, but I can't find it.

[You’ve already proved quite successful at “think nothing day.”]

this is a great idea...i got an email about it: BUY NOTHING. i won't spend a cent that day.

[Your penny withheld from the economy will DESTROY it.]

Two bottles of Patron tequila and a six-foot bong loaded with God's green herb.

[And don’t forget the solid oak crack pipe.]

Going to work and ignore that which does not interfere with my life. Let them have their fun. We sure will the next time we win.

[In the Year 2525 if Man is still Alive.]

Stick fingers in my ears and sing la la la la la la
and wait them out, the chickens will be coming home to roost by high summer, and then I'm going outside and screaming TOLD YA SO.


being in New York City celebrating our anniversary with 6 days of shopping, eating at good restaurants and partying!!



Blogger RUMPLEMINTZ said...

You've got to do more than 1 or 2 a day! I get such a kick out of them!

9:10 PM  
Blogger PJ-Comix said...

I would like to post more per day and actually did so on Election Day and the days that follow. However, I actually do have to spend a few minutes per day away from the computer so, normally, 2 per day is the max DUFU editions I can do.

5:53 PM  

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