Wednesday, December 15, 2004

DUmmie FUnnies 12-14-04 (DUmmie Posse Plans To Arrest Ken Blackwell)

The DUmmies have watched too many episodes of Gunsmoke. They are now planning on forming up a posse and arresting Ohio Secretary of State, Ken Blackwell as you can see on this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Here is a specific Ohio law Blackwell violated--I need help getting arrest.” Yeah, DUmmies, you just try to arrest Blackwell. Somehow I don’t think he will just stand idly by as you try to cuff him. Most likely he will grab you by your collars and slap you upside your heads so hard that you will be spending the next few weeks envisioning your own reality of a long hospital stay…except when you wake up you will find out you really are in the hospital. Anyway, if for some reason, Bush has a hard time finding another director of Homeland Security, may I humbly place the name of Ken Blackwell forward? He would be PERFECT for the job. Somebody who won’t take crap from the terrorists nor the DUmmies (often interchangeable). As usual the rantings of the DUmmie Posse are in Bolshevik Red while the arresting commentary of your humble sheriff is in the [brackets]:

"Blackwell decided to stop the legal recount being conducted in Greene County Ohio, in mid-count. When the volunteers asked under what authority they were being stopped they were told that Ken Blackwell had determined that “all voter records for the state of Ohio were “locked-down,” and now they are not considered public records.”

So, now that we have the specific crime Blackwell committed, what do we do to get a DA to file charges?

[You might start by smoking less powerful opiates.]

Preferably find a friendly lawyer and talk to the local DA...

[You will find Mark Geragos to be quite friendly and in need of employment. You can contact him at]

Round up about 100 or so willing people to help perform a citizen's arrest. Warn the police and DA that if they don't act to arrest Blackwell, then your posse will. Don't give them a chance to respond, just inform them. Then go do it. They'll have him arrested lickety-split in order to avoid a confrontation.

[Don’t forget to wear your Deputy Dawg cowboy outfits when joining the posse. And don’t be surprised if YOU are arrested lickety-split for those illegal green leaves in your pockets.]

And record it all on video for posterity's sake including the phone calls, preparation, everything.

[And have Bev Harris on hand to film it for that documentary she’s not making.]

This is a perfect stunt for Michael Moore to take on...Let's contact him and ask him to do it!

[You’ll make Bev Harris very angry. She has first dibs to film it for that documentary she’s not making.]

the part where you're all getting billy-clubbed,maced,tasered,rubber-bulleted,and stomped by black-outfitted and masked stormtrooper types will make a hell of a segment in a Michael Moore flick.

[Also for America’s Funniest Home Videos.]

I am not sure how Ohio law works, so hopefully there are some lawyers here that could provide feedback (I've never had to file charges through the DA's office either--anybody know if it is hard?) Thanks again for everybody's input into this--I am thinking we should try to get in contact with the volunteers in Greene County and see if they are willing to file a complaint with the DA (anybody know if this sounds reasonable?)

[It sounds very very reasonable. Now speak some more. This therapy session is still far from over.]

What if they don't do it? Then what are you going to do after you "arrest" him?

[Nurse the bruises on your cheeks where your faces “accidentally” smacked up against Blackwell’s hand.]

The line between "posse" and "mob" is precariously thin. I imagine to the Ohio government that it is nonexistent. If you're lucky, they'll tell you to fuck off and go home. If you're unlucky, then the Ohio NG will be called out to "disperse the mob." I trust the pecadillos of the Ohio national guard need no elaboration.

[Wrong. If you are unlucky, Ken Blackwell will shove your arrest warrant so far up your body cavity that you will be singing alto permanently.]

I would much prefer if John Kerry would step in make the arrest.

[That would happen only if Teresa gives him permission to remove his cojones from her wall lockbox.]

Freepers have gotten to your petition! Every signature on it is from a FREEPER! G-d I HATE those people! With every fiber of my being, I hate those people..

[Your hate against the Freepers will turn to uncontrollable rage once you read the latest edition of the DUmmie Funnies…. And may I add you to the DUFU PING List?]

I signed that petition. How do you know they are all freepers?

[Because most likely at least 90% of all DUmmies are secretly Freeper Trolls. And how do I know that YOU are not a Freeper?]

Here's a small sample. This morning there was 55 sigs and most were like these. I removed names that seem to be legitimate.

Name City, State

33. Mark Johnson - I post at DUmmieUnderground. I am not real bright. Please save the DUmbocracy.

32. Tiffany Sledzianowski - I post at DUmmieUnderground. I am not real bright. Please save the DUmbocracy.

31. Joshua L. Bessom - I post at DUmmieUnderground. I am not real bright. Please save the DUmbocracy.

27. berni_mccoy - I post at DUmmieUnderground. I am not real bright. Please save the DUmbocracy.

26. I voted! Where is my vote? I wrote in Pat Buchanan and this does not match the official totals. One chance in two billion of that happening!

25. uninformed republican fool trying to obscure the truth fact vs faith

24. Save the DUmbocracy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

21. Arneback - The case is breaking wide open. I talked to the Ohio Chief Justice. He laughed and then presided over the casting of Ohio's electoral votes. Why did he laugh????

19. Jesse Jackson Please donate to Rainbow?PUSH. My illigitimate children need shoes bad!

18. Send your money to Cobb. He reaaly needs it. Use your credit card and go into dept. It is WORTH it!

16. Donate to Nader. He needs our money bad!

15. Help us vote! We do not understand how! I am still in line in Dayto Ohio. Kenneth Blacwell ate my baby! Confusion

13. Bev Harris Donate to me at!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11. (Donate to Please, helpme. I am still in line waiting to cast my balot.

10. Skinner (Donate to Please, I am broke and my childeen are hungry.

[Hmmm…. I see your point but I think this one sounds legit: “Tiffany Sledzianowski - I post at DUmmieUnderground. I am not real bright. Please save the DUmbocracy.”]

You are correct--how can we screen out the freeperpeepers?

[How do you know that Skinner isn’t really a Freeper? Only IndianaGreen is legit. You can trust him. Absolutely. IndianaGreen is definitely NOT a deep cover Freeper troll. (hee! hee!)]

Jesus H. Christ! Did you see what the freepers did to that petition?

[As God is my witness, as God is my witness, I’m not going to sign another DUmmie petition again! I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never sign one again! No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill! As God is my witness, I'll never sign a DUmmie petition again!]

If we are afraid to act, we are being ruled by fear. The only way this ends possitively is for some to overcome their fears.

[But what if you are ruled by ridicule?]

From what I have been reading, it is probably best to go to the DA's office first and try to file charges. I am not sure how that process works in Ohio, so maybe if we have any lawyers that are reading you could help? Somebody said that freeperpeepers were signing the above petition? Do you think that if you bring a signed petition to DA's office it might motivate them to want to take action?

[If you bring that petition signed by “freeperpeepers,” the folks in the DA’s office most likely will laugh their asses off.]

I signed petition and I Am NOT A FREEPER. By the way, this is the first time I've posted...I signed the petition and I am not a freeper,,,I just want justice.

[I signed the petition and I Am NOT A FREEPER!!! (snort! chuckle!)]

F*CK THE SUIT! He is a criminal!! He needs to be jailed!

[But you’re just gonna let someone ELSE try to jail him, hotshot.]

About the petition--it has some facts wrong. I sent the petition over to my friend for analysis. Here is what she says:

"The petition gets a lot wrong. For instance, the Greene County recount had not begun when this occurred. They were doing research for the recount, which is another thing entirely, and which blows the whole petition out of the water as a result. I wouldn't recommend circulating the petition, as the only real use of something like this is as a PR ploy, and that will backfire because of the misinformation involved. No, the DA's office wouldn't be motivated by a petition like this."

[BANG!!! Yet another Acme Co. package blows up in the DUmmie Coyote’s face while the Blackwell Road Runner zooms untouched off into the distance. BEEP! BEEP!]

Here's the catch: the records were being examined by Green volunteers while the law requires a DEMOCRAT and a REPUBLICAN both to be present during the recont examinations. Since there were none present only the Greens, they decided to take the records away.



Blogger DUmmie said...

Good work PJ. The online petitions are fun to play with. The DUmmies sign and then look and do not like what they see.

Ridicule is very effective.

Remember DUmmies: Ken Blackwell ate my baby!!!


3:00 PM  
Blogger DUmmie said...

PS: DUmmies removed the Blackwell petition, however this one is still around:

"Open Letter to the Electoral College"

The DUmmies have slown down on signing it though, but they still trickle in.


3:04 PM  

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