Wednesday, December 08, 2004

DUmmie FUnnies 12-08-04 AM Edition ("New methods are called for...")

The DUmmies have been giving me headaches recently with their MANY vote fraud conspiracy theories and the inane details which they shift through again and again and again. In addition, there isn’t a bit of consistency among the rival conspiracy theories. Bev Harris disavows Clint Curtis who hates Madsen and they all impugn the integrity of another conspiracist whose name I think is Arndt who is currently grieving because rightwingers just killed his pet parakeet or maybe it was his dog. Fortunately, after all this boring descent into meaningless and boring trivia, the DUmmies have once again come back to REDEEM themselves in the comedy department with this THREAD titled, “New methods are called for.” And these “new methods” refer to new methods of protesting. Yes, today we will be royally entertained by DUmmies being comedically creative as they dream up new protest methods. As usual, the DUmmie comedy routines are in Bolshevik Red and the heckling of your humble correspondent is in the [brackets]:

New methods are called for. I've already posted this to another thread, but the thread seems to have disappeared. (Weird, didn't look like flamebait to me.)

I'm not calling for violence. Someone had to invent the sit-in, didn't they? And it worked because it was unexpected. The opposition wasn't ready for it.

We're using the traditional methods: writing letters, having rallies, going to demonstrations and marches, all the things we've done in the past. All the things our opposition is ready for.

We need to do some brainstorming and come up with some new ways to take on the powerful. I agree that we probably shouldn't do it online; they're monitoring the 'net. I just throw this out in the hopes that folks will start doing some thinking and passing around word the old-fashioned way.

Although I suppose we could pass a code by hand and then talk in it online. . . . We'd probably need our methods decided before that, though.

[We ARE monitoring you plus we have already broken the code to your secret decoder ring. All your codes BELONG to us!]

My thought - sorry I keep repeating Is to get affidavits of people who voted to prove the fraud. Or at least canvass to prove the fraud. Skip the courts. Stastics can be bandied by the other side. Prove the fraud. Go to the people

[I love the practicality of this plan. Essentially have a revote in Ohio by going back and canvassing ALL the voters. Ask them how they voted and then compare the results with the election results. If the canvassed results show Kerry ahead then that proves beyond doubt that Kerry won. Maybe you could do the same among the 2000 voters in Florida and retroactively inaugurate Algore.]

WEAR ORANGE. Everybody can start by wearing orange. Maybe we need to come up with an Orange Arm band, or like Randi Rhodes was talking about last week, come up with Orange magnetic ribbons like the breast cancer and support the troops ribbons.

[This plan is even more practical than the previous one. Wear orange vests and you can also clean up the sides of the highways.]

This is purely symbolic. Symbolism is OK, but we need something more effective. Something like the twenty-first century version of the sit-in. Odds are they'll just make fun of us in the MSM for this.

[I don’t know about the MSM but you are certainly giving us a lot of laughs here in the DUFU.]

How about affidavits for those who couldn't vote? Ohio is the hot spot, we knew before hand that Ohio would be the new Florida. Why don't we have everyone in the counties with worst voter suppression write out and have notarized the fact that they tried to vote but couldn't because of long lines, being sent from precinct to precinct, or whatever was the reason they weren't able to vote. The paper should include that their vote would have gone to Kerry had they been able to vote. Aren't notary publics' services a couple dollars? Free at some banks? If you think this is a good idea, maybe it could be organized around the 51 capitol march on Sunday. Is anyone a notary public that lives in Ohio? Get the word out for those who didn't get to vote to come out to the rally and set up a booth to notarize their experience.

[Interesting concept. Maybe guys, after they score with chicks, can also “notarize the experience.”]

Agreed -- go to the people --- you call it an affidavit .. I call it a re-vote without the political parties involved. We must seek the truth, nothing more ...nothing less.

[Actually a non-official re-vote sponsored by the DUmmies and conducted by canvassing instead of actual voting at polls. The results are sure to impress everybody. Please continue with the laugh lines.]

I read someone's post today about "Do nothing Friday" Don't work or spend a dime in great numbers to have a big financial protest. Is this the type of thing you were talking about?

[Great idea! And maybe you can form a new political party called the Do Nothings.]

I also heard about "die-ins" in the streets. Lie down in the streets and keep people from getting around. I know this has been tried someplaces; I don't know what the effect was, but it seems it wasn't very.

[I’m driving down the street and I see a bunch of DUmmies lying there conducted a “die-in.” DON’T tempt me!]

A chain letter email from ass to elephant about vote fraud, and putting it behind us; as soon as they are on board.

[Chain letter back from elephant: “Put it behind you by sticking your email in your ass.”]

Use Guerilla marketing to start a viral marketing campaign by spending $10 at Kinkos and $11 at Staples and doing the following. Guerilla marketing uses unconventional means of distributing a message. Viral marketing describes any strategy that encourages individuals to pass on a marketing message to others, creating the potential for exponential growth in the message's exposure and influence. Viral marketing often comes about because of "buzz".

[I think your brain is suffering from a severe viral attack of Newspeak.]

Sort of like the Freeway Blogger, huh?

[More like the Freeper Blogger. Thanx to the comedy of you and your fellow DUmmies, the DUmmie FUnnies is now known as the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web.]

My belief is that INTERNATIONAL intervention is going to be needed here. I've got some ideas (some very good ideas) on how that might be effected, one place to start is with the action posted on Michael Moore's site w/ re: Germany's attempts to go after Rummy:

[Are these the Germans who were on Saddam’s Food for Oil bribe list or are they the Germans who are angry that they didn’t get in on the goodies of that bribe list?]

picket outside the state capital building, or the offices of diebold with maybe a bit of live music and dancing to keep warm, and costumes. doesn't need many people - one person could do it, or people do it in shifts. but it would get attention.

[Let us now form a committee to decide what kind of dancing. Tap dancing or ballet? Or maybe prancing would do the trick?]

They're ready for this kind of thing. Pickets have been around for more than a century. They'll just arrest the picketers and drag 'em off, or put them in a "free speech zone." This is exactly the kind of "tried and true" method we must avoid, unless of course we're using it as a cover for something else. They're expecting this one. We're trying to blindside them with something new.


We need active, obstructionist techniques that they're not expecting. We need many of them so that we can pull out the next one when they've gotten wise to the one before. We need to get creative, people! I am trying, too; I'm not just sitting here waiting for ideas to shoot down. I've shot down many of my own, unmentioned because I could see they weren't gonna make it. Get away from the symbolic. Get away from the slowly getting the message out. Think obstructive. Think dramatically reducing their cash flow (the one thing they care about). Remember that we've got numbers as our strength. Brainstorm.

[Have you considered old-fashioned overdosing on drugs?]

Freeway bannering for rush hour is the way to reach many thousands of people who are practically a captive audience in their cars. Using the 'Burma Shave' technique of telling a story in signs can be used. Think of it! All those middle class white and pink collar workers going to their desk computers to look up what they saw on the freeway.

[If you want to see a real Mental Case

Check this DUmmie Wild Goose Chase

Of Folks with No Idea on how to Behave

Burma Shave!]

Make this a march in DC of 30,000 people, and you have a truly profound message. Get 30k people and march them down constitution avenue in total silence. Each caries a sign upon which is detailed a single voting problem. March silently into the city, about face, and out of the city. Other than carying signs, don't talk to the press, police, officials, anyone. Silently, peacefully, march. Perhaps the 10 in front cary a banner with the inscription "20,000 reasons not to trust this election."

[Give us the date of this march so we can watch it covered live on the Comedy Channel.]

A group of peace protestors dressed in black and walked silently through one of the biggest social events of the year (our town festival, held in the center of town). They wound through the crowds saying nothing. Yeah, people noticed them. I think it was better than a loud demonstration. But most folks went back to the concerts and food stands and craft stalls and ignored them.

[Most likely the people thought the weirdos dressed in black were shilling for the Black Sabbath or some similar band.]

Political stand-up comedy protest? Get our best stand-up comics and comedic geniuses who side with us on this issue, and march on DC, put up a stage, and do good comedy?


Maybe we need to decorate some public christmas trees? With Red Gloves or something.

[I’ve got a really crazy idea. How about decorating Christmas trees with lights? Like I said, a crazy idea.]

Let's shut down the INTERNET. as technology savvy people, why don't we figure out some way to have an INTERNET 'b*mb' . Where we could shut down the INTERNET for, say, exactly 24 hours and then immediately turn it back on.

[FINALLY a practical idea!!! And just ask Algore where the Internet on/off switch can be located.]

Also, we could try to coordinate something with the movement Chavez is starting.

[aka Communism.]

Where is every one right now? In the malls, I've been thinking about this for days but I'm not sure how it would work. The malls are where everyone is now shopping. You have a captive audience. There are large spaces for people to congregate and if the media doesn't show up, there are security cameras that can record it. You hit them where their pocket book is. The thing is I'm not sure what you would do there once you got the group in. You would have dress to stand out, pass out info and make noise. Not sure of the legality of this either. Just a thought.

[Yeah, you might FIRST want to think about what you will actually DO when surrounded by hordes of Shop ‘Til You Drop mall types.]

fly as many balloons as possible on one day with banners, propaganda, etc. If you have ever been to the balloon rally in Albuquerque, would be similar but with millions of balloons all over the US. Nobody could ignore such activity in the sky.

[Oh, don’t be shy. Rent the Goodyear Blimp!]

oh I like it! A transportation demonstration. airplanes and balloons.....maybe also helicopters too. Or just extend it to all forms of transportation: buses, cars on highways, tractors.

[Jet Skis! Roller Skates! Segways! Surfboards! Pogo Sticks! Scooters! Planes! Trains! Automobiles!]


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